Christmas Presents for Grandchildren

Farmor We do spend quite a bit of time together - look after the grandchildren twice a week together, and now and then go out for lunch, etc. More rarely - go shopping, or to the theatre. I'm sure that she is lonely at times. But my husband and I try our best to make her life less lonely.

Lyndiloo - since you obviously know other gran well enough to give her a lift on Christmas Day, could you spend a bit more time with her, as it sounds as if she might be lonely and bored? And using her time to shop!

Could you do a few things with her, meet for lunch, an outing somewhere. Without bringing up the issue of presents directly, you might have a discussion about things you could do together with grandchildren. This might take her mind off shopping for more stuff!

BradfordLass I love that! A Christmas treasure hunt! Will bear it in mind for when they get a bit older.

We have a tradition in our family which began with my sons 50 years ago and now carries on with the grand children.
One gift (this year boxed set of Wrinkle in Time) and then 10-12 little ones. These can be anything from a plastic shark, a sugar-free chocolate or muesli bar, to a pair of socks.
I then write 10+ clues and hide the gifts all over the house and dgs has to decipher and find them.

He LOVES this game and each year in November asks if I'm still going to do it.

This is an example:

^Where does Grandma do her laundry?
There’s a basket in this rhyme
And a gift for lovely grandson
But here’s the thing - will you find time?^

This was a cheap but working watch, cost less than a cup of coffee.

I'm not sure how old the little boy is, but the little girl, at 5, is just old enough to understand that not all little children have as much as she has and she may really enjoy giving some of these toys away to a deserving cause.

I buy my grandchildren 4 presents for Christmas and birthdays . Something they want , something they need , something to wear and something to read . I buy throughout the year in sales etc .

The games people play!!
DD complains that her in-laws bombard them with gifts - and at birthdays there are orgies of present opening . Yet if I ask what she wants she'll often tell both of us the same thing. Infuriating.
This Christmas at least one gift was left at ours.
Thanks for a reminder about where to take unwanted gifts.

Mmm this lady has the skin of a rhino

A friend of mine had competitive parents and in laws. She once ended up with 60+ bibs after commenting that she could do with a few more! Funnily enough the blame was always laid at the in laws door! Unfortunately both sets of parents were involved in the break up of their marriage.

What a lovely idea!

Send unwanted toys and gifts to the Children's ward of the local hospital. They are always willing to take them, and very grateful I've found.

It's about boundaries. It will go on and on until somebody makes it crystal clear. Having made it clear, then refuse to play the game.

I found that bringing up the issue and stating our boundaries just made things worse. Turns out it was a bit of a power play because when I pretended to be grateful and not bothered the gift bags did reduce A BIT and stopped containing things which I had explicitly said the girls weren't allowed (i.e. smartphones and things like that)

I know how they feel.

We live in a flat with no garden or outside space yet my MIL insists on buy large crap for outdoor play like tents.

She also does this horrible thing where she'll buy DD something she loves and says "but this is for at nanny's house"

We don't visit her often so DD gets upset she can't take it home and MIL moans ot doesn't get played with!

I wonder about her criticism that DD and SIL had given the children "too much stuff".

I hope she is not trying to become the only person who gives toys. That would not be good.

Its not about gifts is it? Why should children be overwhelmed and refuges have to take unwanted stuff?

It's about boundaries. It will go on and on until somebody makes it crystal clear. Having made it clear, then refuse to play the game.

you can always say i think these ones would be better left at your home ,as we dont have the room right now. smile sweetly..and then our children have our presents ,maybe two small ones from you, and the rest can stay at your home. thats how it works with my gc ,they both had bikes(second hand) and they stay at my flat in the spare bedroom as mum hasnt got the room for them. end of story. or you could say ty for the gifts but i think i will donate them to the local nursery as they are far too big for our home.

Thats only okay if the kids dont want them. As I said Im "lucky" in that my problem gift giver missjudges things by miles so the kids dont want most of it.

But if its things they DO want (just too much or impractical) then its problematic to take their gifts off them once theyve been given

May I suggest that there are outlets other than charity shops, at least where I live but I think it's worth enquiring.

We have food banks across the city and quite often they are looking for good clothing and toys as well as tinned and packet foods.

Of course, you could keep them all and wait until November 2019 and then approach charity shops who'd be more than happy to take them. A good lesson for the children too in considering people less well off than themselves.

Apricity - from my recollection of the film, and reading Christina Crawford's biography, that's EXACTLY how Joan Crawford treated her and her brother. They received mountains of gifts, but were only allowed to choose one to keep and the rest went to charity. After the press had taken the photographs of the piles of gifts, of course

My recollection may be incorrect, of course.

Surely honour could be satisfied on all fronts if a visit took place to Granny's house perhaps on Christmas morning where all of her gifts could be opened while the grown ups have a little buffet lunch and the children get to play with the new toys. Then they could be allowed to choose a couple of toys to take back to their own house and the rest could stay at Granny's house for them to enjoy every time they visit. They could then go back home taking Granny with them to have a really late afternoon Christmas lunch.
When Granny has spent a year living with all of these extra toys in the house she will naturally moderate the quantities next year.

I'm pretty sure that women's refuges will appreciate any toy

No they don't.
People sometimes treat refuges as a dumping ground.
My local refuge service has no storage facilities so only wants what is needed at the time. I.e. if they are currently housing a lot of teens they won't want baby things etc

Sorry going a bit off topic, but it is an issue that people think that refuges (and homeless hostels) are always happy to take whatever people foist on them.
What they want/need changes and extra things are a problem not a help

I'm pretty sure that women's refuges will appreciate any toys especially new ones. They can then decide whether to take them into the refuge or sell them to raise funds. The number of women and children who escape abuse with just the clothes on their backs is unbelievable. Also women's and children's clothes are much appreciated.

I tried diplomatically discussing this issue and that just made it worse and the excessive giver just gave more & bigger and painted me as a mean controlling mum who didnt want my kids to have nice things.

"Luckily" this person also misses the mark (and doesnt want suggestions) and gets the kids things they arent interested in. So now we just accept the gifts and let the girls pick out the bits they want to keep and pass on the rest. If I can I will sell bits for them so it goes towards things they want.

For goodness sake! Ask for the receipts & return them to the stores! Most stores are quite happy to do this, even giving out Christmas gift receipts. If MIL was asked for the receipts it would surely hammer home that the gifts are unwanted. Then bank the money for the children.
NB there are several children's' charities who will be delighted with new toys at any time of year

she bought them she can keep them at her house for when the children visit