Husband left her

Get a good solicitor at once

go to CAP and get some advice.her h still has to pay for the children and some of the childcare. dont give him his cake and let him eat it. he has to pay for his children and his debts. you need some legal advice .. do it now...you need to fill in forms for housing benetfit/council tax and lone parent benefits.

Is his name is on the rental agreement? If it is, he's responsible for the rent and the Landlord can go after him for non payment and breach of contract.

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Just to endorse the need to make an immediate claim for universal credit and also to avoid any agreement about joint parenting. She should assume for UC purposes that she will have parental responsibility. That doesn’t preclude the children from spending time with their father elsewhere but will help to avoid financial pitfalls and entanglements and I think it’s rare than a true joint parenting arrangement succeeds.

So she should let him leave and get her basic benefit income secured by making the UC claim. It’s also worth pointing out that UC only counts the first two children in the claim so any claim won’t absolve him of the need to pay maintenance.

Here is a link to the Citizen's Advice online site www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/deciding-what-to-do-when-you-separate/.

You say that your step-GD's husband ran up debts on her credit card. How did he do this? Did he coerce her or bully her to do this or compel her to give him her pin number?

If that is the case then this behaviour falls within the remit of violent and abusive behaviour and she is entitled to legal aid. See the following link www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence. Start with the CA and work down.

While I can understand that your step-GD doesn't want to cause upsets with her MiL because of the childcare. The fact is that this rarely works, her husband, back with his mother will undoubtedly use his position there to control and intimidate her. She may be better giving up her job and going on benefits.

She must visit her local Citizens Advice office and get advice on every aspect of her separation including all the benefits she may be entitled to.

Hi, both parents work

It will if they are encouraged to stay on to spend the evening with dad.

It is where they sleep that counts and presumably there will be plenty of negotiation before the actual divorce. One thing I can tell you is that the courts take quite a dim view of the children's residency being decided upon to avoid the payment of maintenance. CAFCAS are very aware of this sort of thing. Anything they do will be deemed to be in the best interests of the child, not his pocket.
Of course anything can change after the divorce but in the first instance it can be determined by the courts and a good solicitor will protect the interests of OP's step-grandaughter. We can only go on the information given here and we don't know whether Dad works or what the full details are which could have a bearing on the whole thing.

Likewise the child benefit and child element of universal credits

It's the nights that count, not the days so using your mother-in-law for childcare should not impact on maintenance if it is daytime care

It will if they are encouraged to stay on to spend the evening with dad.

He will be getting his own advice and his solicitor will advise in his interest only & he will be advised to go for 60:40 rather than 50:50.

Usually both sides get advised to go for the 60%, and if they both fight it it settles at 50/50. (And no one pays maintenance) But you have to be ready to fight and be ready for THEM to fight and to start encouraging and incenticising the children to stay on and sleep over 4 nights.

The courts prefer a 50:50 these days if both parents are keen, so if he is keen to have the kids she cannot rely on getting any maintenance and needs to be prepared for him demanding maintenance from her.

Yes ...excellent advice on here ...go asap to CAB ..they may have (my daughter is a lawyer, and when she did her training she had to spend some time at the law centre run by them ...it is all free) also, find out which local solicitor specialising in divorce can give an initial appointment free ..and ?not sure if legal aid is still available ? she should ask CAB about this, as well as debt counselling ...and the debt counsellor may well be able to look through all her finances (take all bills, rent statements, bank statement, child credit and child benefits, all outgoings, and income ) the landlord may be able to help instead of repossessing the property ...but she needs to URGENTLY go to the CAB initially .......as for the Credit card statement also ask CAB ...they may agree to take a small payment but will probably want the card back. My ex husband did a very similar thing, but luckily for me I was actually working for a divorce lawyer at the time ....I had to leave and find another job (which I did, at another solicitors) because he could not work for me whilst I was working for him ......all sortedout in the end, even though I had to move 250 miles away and put my daughter into a different school ...we lived in London and when we moved she had to get used to going toa state school (she was 8) and learning to speak in an entirely different language (in Nottinghamshire) but she loved it ...and fortunately there were two other new girls one from Norfolk and one from Yorkshire and they all became friends (still are, as far as I know !)////good luck

It's the nights that count, not the days so using your mother-in-law for childcare should not impact on maintenance if it is daytime care. You will also be able to claim towards the cost of childcare through the tax system if the MIL cuts up rough.
You really do need good financial advice when in this situation and the Citizens Advice people are wonderful at this. The benefits office don't usually offer advice as to what you can claim but the CAB do have somebody who knows all about it.

A dreadful situation ..... Just wondering whether the husband is in full time employment. Also does she currently receive housing benefit.

Rather than citizens advice, I think I would go to local council offices to speak to someone re housing. Mediation is definitely needed but not sure if this is means tested.

Sorry I don't have any real advice. As someone else said about her soon to be 'ex' .... What a prize!

Good luck with everything

grandtanteJE65. Thank you for your comments, as I mentioned previously she is not my granddaughter or related to me. My daughter lived with her father for a few years. I don’t live near her but am forwarding relevant advice to her.

When this is being sorted make sure any maintenance is index linked or agreed that it will be reviewed (say) annually. I got very badly stung many years ago and had to go back to court to get payments reviewed to match the increasing cost of living. It was a very expensive mistake!

Sit down with your daughter and make a budget, detailing her earnings, how much she pays in Income tax and all her expenditure. And I mean ALL - if she doesn't already do so, she needs to keep all supermarket chits for a month, so she knows how much food, toiletries etc. she needs for a month.

Then make a list of all her debts. ´Get her to phone her bank and ask for an appointment with an advisor and go with her to that appointment. She need to get the bank to help her work out how she can get out of debt. Usually, a bank employee who phones on her account to a credit card company or other creditors can get a better scheme in place than she will be able to.

Depending on how much debt she is in, it may take a long time to clear it, but the sooner she starts the sooner she will be out of debt. If possible, try to get the creditors to allow her to pay off part of the interest and part of the principal simultaneously, as that way the compound interest will decrease as the principal decreases.

I believe some charities have financial advisors too, if your daughter can't afford to pay for a chartered accountant's advice.

I hope you and she manage to find a solution to the financial difficulties.

You don't mention whether you could afford to help her, but if you can and will, please find a way of drawing up some legal agreement with her, otherwise her benefits may be reduced.

She needs to contact the Citizens' Advice Bureau and ask specifically for a benefits appointment. They will spend as long as it takes, to go through everything with her, and will ensure that she is claiming all the help she is entitled to.

They should also be able to help with the debt situation.

If the children's father does take her to court for a Child Arrangement Order, they will need to do mediation before they reach the Court stage, so hopefully the needs of the children will be kept to the forefront, and the adults don't engage in point scoring against each other.

A horrid situation to be in, but your friend really does need professional help. She may say she can't afford a solicitor, but that may well be money well spent, and result in her future finances being far more positive. Can she afford not to see a solicitor?

One other thing I'd like to add to all the excellent advice on here, the mother in question should immediately go to the council, housing association etc and put her name down on a housing list for social housing. It might become necessary, if her current landlord decides to evict her for arrears. HB will pay most of her rent, not all of it, so she will be responsible for the shortfall, likewise CTB, you still have to pay 20% a month.
Priorities are - Rent, Council Tax, Utilities, Food and Clothing. All else can be sorted once the dust settles.

I would recommend a chat with Step Change for debt advice, they are a charity & will deal with creditors direct & will only agree a weekly/monthly amount after going through a budget, this is always set at a reasonable sum that is sustainable.

Advice regarding benefits is essential, it may be better if she gave up work or Working Tax Credit may boost her Income, I'm out of touch with how some of the benefits work, Universal Credit pulls six benefits under one umbrella. Contact the local Council re Council Tax & Housing Benefit, do all these things asap. Also get advice about Separation or Divorce

Moira, you are quite right she lives in the North.

There's lots of good advice been given here.
I just wanted to comment on EllenVannin's post where she presumed the £800 per month rent for a house was in London. When I saw the £800 I thought how cheap it was and definitely not in London. That is quite cheap for anywhere in the south east and London would be at least double that. Housing Benefit does not cover full rent for most private rented properties.

Has he actually moved out? Does she now have control of that credit card? I think this young man thinks he can cosily live at his mum's while his wife works and Mum looks after the children.
And she doesn't have parents to fight her corner.
She might be better off on UC with child allowance and housing benefit and being able to be with the little ones.

If the house tenancy is in joint names the husband is still liable to help with the rent. She will have to be careful in informing the letting agent as they may well decide that on her own she can't afford the rent and start eviction proceedings.
She needs to apply for benefits as soon as possible as these can take weeks to set up.
She should also be very careful with having 50:50 care as she will lose child benefit, which in turn makes it harder to claim benefits.

Trying not to pay maintenance is quite common.
When it comes to buying essentials for kids, get it in writing that he will pay her a fixed amount of money every month, rather than he or MiL buy the stuff.
Regarding 50-50 split, I think it's overnights that count, rather than days spent.
Can she get a more stable/permanent job?
Can her half-sister sister be the conduit to family support?

I use to work for Citizen Advice and they are excellent at helping in theses cases.