advice about dad

Slightly off topic but is the search facility still down on this site? I wanted to look something up and it hasn’t been available for a few days?

You need to stop this relationship going any further. It is abuse. You will have a local Adult Services team who deal with abuse and you should pursue this. Age concern will help you. Not a nice thing to have to do but the advantage is that they will probably help your dad to see howe he has been taken for a ride and lost so much money and he will probably then want you to be his financial attorney, which I am sure the Council Abuse team will encourage him in. Best of luck.

Another thing to be mindful of, if she’s on his iPad she could be ordering things in his name or applying for loans etc as if she’s him. The fact they move address every 9 months is probably because they are wanted for all manner of things. I think you have to be STRONG here and step in and sort this out, if not just for your family but any others they are doing this to. If by nature you are not confrontational then as others have said please speak to Age UK you know what’s happening is wrong. Good luck let us know how it goes.

My mother had this with a neighbour who she trusted. It is very upsetting as I think that they often realise that it is wrong but don't know what to do about it.
After my mother thankfully moved away, this neighbour sent her a box of stuff including cheque books. I think her son may have stolen it and the neighbour found it but she didn't put any note in with it. My sister met her and she made weird comments which suggested that she though a mention in mum's will was in order but she (my sister) thought at the time that she was still helping her.
The comments about AgeUk are good advice. You need to move quickly but be careful if meeting her alone as people can be intimidating.
Good luck.

I don’t see what’s so hard about finding someone more suitable and sack her !!! Also take all official documents and banks stuff to your house. But please,just role play it until you are confident enough and JUST SACK HER ASAP

* Your, not you.

busybee6969
Firstly, please take a breath and post a comment with full stops and spaces. It makes it so much better to read.

Secondly, you need to get rid of the cleaner, who appears to be ingratiating herself with your father to an unhealthy degree. I can't believe that she rings up and tells him to cook her dinner, she has your old car and he picks her up to go to the bank. Oh no, no no no no.
Ask locally for a recommended cleaner and never ever let her have access to you father's bank card or details...ever.

Apologies as I haven't read all the posts yet.

My immediate thoughts on this are that she isn't a cleaner but a groomer for abuse and fraud of the elderly. Report it and get her out of his life as soon as possible!

I agree with you Anja.

Sounds a terrible situation. This woman isn't a cleaner, she is a leech taking everything she can from your DF. Speak with your Dad, from what you say about one and a half hours cleaning you could probably cover this with say doing a 15 task everytime you visit. If an agency employs her then they need to know about her behaviour. If not, your DF has to recognise and accept the situation isn't normal and has to stop.

I think you have to investigate this person more. If she is cleaning for several people she either works for an agency (which should be informed of her actions), or is self-employed and should be paying tax and NI. How many other people is she treating like she is your dad?

im afraid she woyldnt be welcome in my parents house, your poor dad seems to be taking care of her and she is taking massive advantage of him, get rid and find someone new .

I’d also be wondering if she has access to his bank account, check the statements. Your dad probably realises he is being conned but may be embarrassed about the situation.

It’s a well known fact now that unscrupulous women target elderly people as many get confused and are therefore easily manipulated. As others say, you need to act fast and personally I would speak to the Police for advice especially as she lied saying that he was her step dad to get closer to him.

Please be careful. A similar thing happened to a friend. The cleaner wormed her way in but also started to receive large payments from the elderly gentleman in addition to her cash in hand payments. She also managed to get him to change his will and received money after his death. The family wasnt aware of the additional payments until they found a notebook after his death where he had made notes of the ‘loans’ he had given to her. The family did report her for claiming benefits that she wasn’t entitled to but I don’t know whether she was prosecuted.

Gosh what a complicated and trying situation. Thankfully this site is full of genuine, kind people who give their time freely and try to help.

Awful situation, think I would tell you you have made alternative arrangements and if she has a key get the locks changed. If possible have someone with you as back up. She sounds a right chancer.

Act quickly. I also know a mobile hairdresser who did the ‘like a daughter’ act and ended up ‘owning’ lots things of great value from her blind customer. Apparently she’s done it before but proving it is a nightmare!!!

busybee, have you taken any action yet to protect your father? There is plenty of advice above. I think what is happeneing is very alarming.

he is more forgetful,but i notice when she has been for a few hours he is quiet,down,when she has not been he is chatty more with it, she can talk the leg of a donkey,sits there for hours eating and drinking many cans of diet coke,he gets me to get bit 24 packs ,he has a can each night with a bit of rum with it she can guzzle 3 cans while she is there,along with biscuits many cups of tea.plus she is hours on his ipad,then moans her hands are riddled with pain,i told her last week she seems to manage a few hours on his ipad and guzzling many cans of coke the hands cant be that bad.

Please please please don’t leave it I ve told this before so sorry for repeating .... My aunty died penniless and on benefits two years after my uncle had left her enough money for her life Her cleaner/ carer had intergrated herself to be ‘like a daughter’ had a car, family holidays etc and took my aunty to the bank to remove money We only found out when my aunty was taken to hosital and doctors refused to give my dad (her only sibling left) any information as ‘he wasn’t next if kin’ this foul woman had put herself down as next of kin My auntie died soon after so we could prove nothing as the thief’s defence was that my auntie had given her lots of presents we couldn’t t prove she had stolen it
Please do not trust her furthe4 than you can throw her and don’t let it go any further Get advice please don’t leav e it a minute longer

Having just found out that my Aunty's cleaner (who never did any cleaning!) stole £22,000.00 (or more) over 18 months by taking my aunt to the bank everyday and asking her to withdraw large sums of money (my aunt had Alzeimer's which we never realised at the time, and is now in a care home) . All I can say is be very, very careful. Is there a reputable agency who can supply someone more honest and caring?

You have severeal options:

If she is self-employed I would line up a new cleaner and then pay a visit to the current one giving her the choice of 'resigning' or face the consequences of an accusation of abuse.

If she works for an agency then I would give them proof of your facts and expect them to sack and replace her.

If you fear this is part of a pattern of abusive behaviour then I would instigate a Safeguarding enquiry on the grounds that she is exhibiting coercive/controlling behavours.

I would definitely try and get rid of her as soon as you can. She is obviously after his money. Maybe get in touch with Age Uk and possibly Social Services to find a replacement. As others have said it is fraud and abuse.

Of course you will have to talk your Dad round and get him to agree but you need to confront her.

What a dilemma busybee. Are you new to Gransnet? I’m sure you’ll get lots of advice.