No Idea What To Do Next

You could also tell the GC that if she sees any violence she should call 999.

Nothing to add to previous posters' excellent advice except the following. Ensure that you put any concerns that you raise with the authorities in writing (not emails) and keep hard copies so that the situation cannot be overlooked. The help is out there but staff are so desperately overworked.

Lots of good advice above and I agree to telling the school so they can look out for anything suspicious. I also think you should keep a record of who you speak to at the various authorities, the time and date. Sometimes when they see you right their name down it makes a difference.

As soon as you see something unacceptable contact the police and the SS, do it every time until they take notice.

Giving the eldest a phone which your number in is a great idea.

I think I would refuse to hand them over. Your DiL may not even notice if she is under the influence and it doesn't sound as if her partner is bothered.
Too often SS etc step in too late.

You mention the advice given by agencies is impractical. Is there any way, with your help, that it can be made to work? You also mention threats made by your ex-DIL’s partner, on more than one occasion, to harm your GD’s and the baby as well as evidence of domestic violence. Whatever the court says, please don’t risk putting the children in harms way. It’s better to take immediate action to keep them safe, even if it doesn’t comply with the court order, than to regret it if something dreadful happens. They may have already seen, heard or been involved in more than children their age should have.

This ex DIL needs help. She is obviously scared and probably can't see a way out of the situation, have you tried contacting her to offer help? No one has mentioned the baby half sister. She is in more danger because she cannot speak for herself or use a mobile to alert someone. I am amazed that they have been allowed to keep the baby. I understood (from TV) that drug addicts had their baby taken away at birth. The school is an excellent start to get safeguarding help. Authorities listen more to other professionals and they will not want to be seen ignoring concerns. Certainly, get evidence from the girls but don't delay in contacting the police.

Things have probably changed since I had problems with my daughter's father but I encouraged my eldest to keep a diary of her contact time with him, which, as well as being evidence, helped her to get it "off her chest" by writing it all down. I also had a welfare officer attached to us and he occasionally went in when the girls were with their father to see what was happening - it was called a supervision order and was ordered by the court.
Do hope something can be done to resolve this issue soon for you and your gd's.

Just an after thought. If you didn't take your grandchildren to see their mother would she be too likely to kick up a fuss. I don't know if she would want social services digging in to her life style. It's just a thought, you, probably like me and most of us on here are reluctant to go against any order which is in place. I know the girl is on drugs, but she seems totally oblivious to the fact that as their mother she should be putting their welfare first.

You might also ring the NSPCC for advice, they are always helpful.

Social workers need to speak to the girls and the girls need to be totally honest. If I were you I would be speaking to social services and telling them if anything should happen whilst with their mother you will be holding them personally reasonable. It needs to go back to court. If you and your son are genuinely worried about your grandaughters welfare, which you sound as though you are, you need to get tough. Don't play Mr Niceguy. We've had similar trouble with my drugged up, violent ex son in law, who threw petrol over my daughter and threatened to set light to her in front of the children. It took 3 years in and out of court to stop him having any access to them, but she did it in the end. Five years on the children are settled in another part of the country and don't even want to see their dad. Just fight for what you think is right. Social services are not always right nor are the family court. I really feel your pain.

Have you reported the situation to the Local Authority Designated Officer as a safeguarding concern? They will discuss it with you. You don't have to go through the school, although they can refer it too. They are very experienced, and will know what to do.

Unfortunately the whole machinery concerned with family break ups is focused on maintaining contact between children and their parents. Your grand daughters want to see their mother, and she has attached herself to this dangerous man; until he does something untoward it is unlikely anyone can prevent him from being there.
Gather and record as much evidence as you can, and make sure your grand daughters know they can contact you anytime.
If their mother is under the influence of drugs (I don't know what ice is) that should strengthen your son's case for increased custody, but the girls will still be encouraged to have access to her.
A dreadful situation.

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A dreadful situation.

Def. make sure they have a phone as has already been suggested. I certainly think you also need specialist legal advice has already been stated. You feel these children are in danger so you must act. Best wishes

MOnica has given excellent advice - and it needs to be taken urgently. What an agonising situation. Others will know better than me about this, but I wonder if it is a good idea to talk to your local councillor (and maybe MP) about this. Social Services are likely to be overwhelmed with cases of all kinds, and the intervention of an elected member would raise this to another level with Social Services - and the Director may jump more swiftly to appropriate action.

Make sure the eldest gd has a fully charged and credited mobile phone with her and give her instructions what to do or who to ring immediately they feel threatened, let her know they can ring at any time night or day and to keep the phone hidden from him.

Tell the police at once, and all parties mentioned by MOnica. If those little girls have told you what he has said then I certainly wouldn't hold back - I am truly not trying to be alarmist but he sounds dangerous, and there are enough dreadful and heartbreaking cases reported every year. Don't for one moment allow your family to be exposed to such a situation ; I don't doubt the girls want to see their mother and half sister but perhaps this can be achieved away from him.

Don't hesitate to inform the police if any life has been threatened.

M0nica has said what I would suggest. It's likely they are already linked with Social Care as they are receiving some sort of family therapy so you probably will not be telling them anything totally new, just adding another piece to the jigsaw.

In the past I have spoken to head teachers about children and asked them to be aware of the family situation. She/he won't be able to discuss it with you but passing on your fears directly means they will have to be sure they are fulfilling their duty to safeguard. You may find this is a productive route, especially in a junior school.

Is the option you mention "impractical" to the extent that it can't be considered? What is it?

And yes, keep a diary. This is evidence and proves the ongoing nature of the problem.

I am so sorry to hear about this. You need to get in touch with Social Services, the Team Leader, and make sure they are aware of all the facts and your genuine concern . It is too risky a situation, someone officially has to be involved. You need your "go to" person in that Department. If it was me I wouldn't let it rest until they are involved. Also all of the people Moira has mentioned.

I find it hard to believe that the authorities allow children to stay in a house where an addict lives, these people can not live under the radar. Surely visits with the mother should be supervised ones and not with the new partner present.
If family are voicing doubts SS should be listening.

What Monica said - this is good advice so please follow it.

This man probably has a criminal record of violence.

Go to:
1) The police,
2) Social Services
3) Citizen's Advice (CAB),
4) Consult a specialist solicitor, one specialising in child custody and safe-guarding.
5) Your son could press for the girls only to see their mother in a supervised setting.
6) You could speak to the school.

MOST IMPORTANTLY Keep a diary of every occasion you see mother or partner do anything untoward. Listen to the children and record every event they report

Lisigpo60 I understand how worried you are about your granddaughters. Your ex-daughter-in-law is in the classical denial of an abused woman – never mind why right now Obviously, drug addiction doesn't help the situation. Of course, the girls want to be with their mum, at least some of the time, but probably in very different circumstances. I would suggest that they are in danger. Can you talk to her and try to inform her of the very fragile situation in which she and her girls are in? Is it worth talking to the police or will they politely ignore you? Can your son go back to court – with some evidence of drug – and maybe other kinds of abuse?

My ExDIL was a lovely girl. Sweet, kind, loving and very much a part of our family until she got addicted to ice. It completely changed her personality. She will no longer talk to me. She rarely talks to my son and is cut off from her own family. The girls have told her but she tells them not to say anything because it will make things worse. They’ve all recently seen a family psychologist. She was sporting a black eye but had it covered with make up. She just lies to the psych, and the psych does nothing about it. Nobody will. They’re all sympathetic, but no action has been taken. My son is trying to hang onto his job. He’s lost so much time off work fighting this. It’s so frustrating. I’m just terrified that her partner will crack one day and kill her in front of the kids, or even worse, slaughter the whole family.

I’m also wondering what the impractical advice was.

Surely custody orders can be revisited in the light of changing circumstances?

Does your ex DIL know that her daughters are terrified of her new partner?