I am 65 and our daughter is 43, married with our 12 year old granddaughter, who is delightful.
I am not perfect, but think I have been a good Mother, and have never interfered in the lives of either of our married children, or interfered in the upbringing of our grandchildren. I have loved my children, and have shown them that, without embarrassing them, by doing so.
However from her mid teens, my daughter has shown her contempt for me in so many ways. I have tried my best to ignore this, blaming hormones etc, and hoping we would again connect again, as we did before this started happening.
Marriage to my husband, who I love dearly, hasn't been easy. He is very reactive in certain situations, and has in the past suffered depression to the extent he has self harmed on several occasions. He also doesn't seem to show any empathy to my feelings, and has never supported me by questioning our daughters attitude towards me, to her. He says her behaviour isn't right, but continues to ignore the nasty remarks, when she makes them.
Last year, despite then living within an hour and a half drive from them, we only saw our daughter and family on 4 occasions, and only for the day. Not our doing, but they are always 'busy'! However visits to and from our son in laws parents, who live twice the distance away are pretty frequent.
To be fair, our daughter does ring weekly. She rings us, as our timing if we call her is never convenient. On the phone, chats are always pleasant, so I am at a loss as to why face to face the nastiness starts. This is usually made worse if she has been drinking the night before.
It came to a head this weekend, when they all came to stay. We have moved away from our previous area. This means that any visit will mean an overnight stop, which we hoped would be great. Unfortunately our daughter and Son in Law had been out walking and had visited some local pubs, nothing wrong with that at all, but this was along with several glasses of wine in between. The Sunday morning and she was so abusive, I still can't get my head round it. My husband said nothing, despite him saying many times in the past, that he doesn't like the way she speaks to me. For the first time ever, I told her how upset I was to be spoken to like that, and I hoped that when our granddaughter gets older she treats her the same. I then asked her to leave, but they didn't. My husband then lost his rag and had a go at me, so I walked out. Basically taking myself out of the situation. I actually contemplated doing something to myself, as I felt totally betrayed.
Now we also have a married son, get on really well with him, and my daughter in law is like a daughter to me. They have a teenage son, who is a lovely young man. They visit regularly, and suggest when they can come. We dont fall out ever!
We also have good friends young enough to be our children. Surely if I was that awful, they wouldn't want to be friends, let alone come to visit.
Probably the most insulting thing our daughter has done to me, was for my 65 birthday, she sent me a paperback book, which I had seen in The Works, priced at £2.99 when we visited them.
I am at a loss now over how to proceed from this. My daughter did apologize before they left, but once said some things can't be unsaid. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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