Dil and her Mother

Bibbity. You may feel your comments are constructive but the harshness of them could be destructive.
Perhaps a lighter tone might help?

DIL will always be closer to her Mum - that's natural.

I think it's up to you to show how keen you are and that you can be trusted to look after her precious child. Maybe start by initiating some visits where she can see how capable you are and then after a while gently say that you would love to be more involved with babysitting. I think the key is to show DIL how much you love and care for her as well as for her her child.

persist you are so right, why post anything if not constructive? What sort of person would do that? Not a trait that is endearing, someone with issues of their own obviously.

Bibbity Huge congratulations!
You win the prize for having considerably less tact than I do, and heaven knows tact is not my strongest suit!!

I am a great one for calling a spade a spade, but you might want to consider how much value there is in calling it a ruddy shovel.

My DD ,SIL and 2 GCs live a short walk away from me. Yesterday was their 10th Wedding Anniversary and they were having a rare evening out .My SIL’s Mum drove 67 miles from her home to babysit for them and stay overnight. I found no problem with this and just thought it was nice for her to see her DS and grandchildren . I don’t get to see them very often but would never dream of not wanting to to see them as a result of this. That would be totally self defeating. I just make the most of seeing them when I can.Both parents are nurses and work crazy shifts so time for them as a family is fairly rare .

I’m a first time nana to my son and his girlfriend new baby boy. I live 30 minutes away and the girlfriends mum is 10 minutes away. We both work. I feel it’s a privilege to babysit my grandson and it’s my son and his girlfriends decision as parents who they ask to babysit. I don’t compete or ask how often my grandson sees his other nana. I’m happy to help when I can and it’s the parents decision ultimately. I get photos and videos daily sent via what’s app from my son and his gf and am always grateful for those till I see him again. I don’t give advice unless I’m asked and always ask before buying anything if it’s suitable. I think grandmums have to take a step back sometimes abs wait to be asked rather than expect

For many people, "fairsies" simply isn't a reality. My parents live 4 hours' drive from us. My ILs live in the UK (we are in Canada). "Fair" isn't possible. But DSD knows who her grandparents are and loves them.

When I was growing up, Mum's parents lived 2 hours' drive from us and Dad's parents lived 6 hours' drive (and that was in good weather - winters can get very cold and snowy where they are). Again, "fair" wasn't possible. For example, we saw Mum's parents at Christmas and Dad's at Easter. My parents weren't crazy about driving 6 young children that far when the weather was bad, especially after one year when it took 12 HOURS to get home. The weather was usually better at Easter so we went then. Plus, Mum's dad passed away when I was 16. His death was expected. Of course we saw him more during the months prior to his death.

Naughty jalima

You're in your early 90s Bibbity?
You're very young at heart!

My dear mother never got to meet my child. My dear MIL doesn't see him as often as she would like (not my fault - she was the one who moved across country), but she has a good relationship with him.

However, if my mum was still alive, and both grandmothers lived in the same city, I would probably spend twice as much time with my own mother as I would my MIL, just because she is my own mum, and I would want to see her, and she me. MIL would still see DS twice a month or so, but I would probably choose to see my own mother once a week.

That's normal. Seriously, it really isn't a competition. Any MIL who tries to make it one, is always going to lose.

I don't see a great deal of my grandsons as they live in another state. Of course they have always seen (and grown up with) my DIL's family who are lovely people. When we are all together, my grandsons love having their two nan's together at the same time. I just feel I'm lucky that my DS has such great inlaws.

I think the OP has a strange sense of entitlement.

Don't criticize Jane for what she did. She's a snowflake and you'll only upset her.

I came over hot & cold when I read this.
It took a few minutes to work out it was part of the Urban Dictionary, an example of the phrase in context.

Not sure about this paragraph though
This has nothing to do with politics. Snowflakes can be liberal or conservative. Whether it is a compliment or an insult is a matter of opinion and depends on the context
Is that you Bibbity or the UD?

Oh for goodness sake, my grandchildren live in Australia and I never get the opportunity to babysit, let alone have them popping in to see me. I also have adult DGC in the U.S who emigrated when they were 3 and 6 years old.
So if you get to spend time with your GC daily, weekly or other
Enjoy

DD always asks me to look after DGkids. I’m an hour away, her MIL is 20 mins. It comes down to her knowing me better so feels happier. It’s like the saying about the daughter marrying and parents gain a son ..............and the rest that I can’t remember properly!

I would love it if my DDIL’s mum could help with the childcare but, sadly, she died when DGS was less than a year. I feel heartbroken for the whole family.
Please don’t cut you family out OP.

I am the dreaded mil but I get to see my gds every week because I help out. I have to stay over because of distance. I know dil would prefer her own mother but she is younger and working full time. We’ve had our ups and downs but get on ok and I love being with the girls. I have a daughter but she is single and lives a long way away. I hope theOP will cherish the time she spends with the baby. I am thankful for what I have.

The OP needs to get a life.

MawBroon
I quote you:
What you are proposing is petty and childish.
I agree wholeheartedly.
I think Bibbity is saying the same thing.
I have tried to point this out and, like you, suggest ways to bring a happy and normal relationship back into their lives.
I do think that this kind of dramatic, self-destructive and, towards her family - son particularly - blackmailing language is manipulative and not that of a well-balanced person.
I do think her DIL may have qualms about leaving her son with this Grandmother.
It's time to calm down and behave in an adult manner. To accept that sometimes things do not always go your way. To keep in touch with your family. To be glad you have them nearby and show them you love them and value them.

Bibbity Is everyone going on about your Thu 07-Feb-19 12:57:03 comment starting, "Don’t be so ridiculous."?
I read that after reading the OP and didn't think twice.
Then I went on through the posts and began to see ppl mentioning you and wondered what I'd missed... I couldn't fathom it.
So I wrote my response to the OP. Heaps tougher than yours Above, I think. But honest.

Then I began reading backwards trying to find out what the heck you've said because I didn't think it was the one above....

At last I've decided it must be that one. Well, I for one found it down to earth and sensible. If you post on here you have to realise people will say what they think. My first post was about an innocuous matter, but someone was still very spiteful in putting me down because I'd quoted a particular book. I just had to ignore it! Your comment isn't like that was.

I am not familiar with PINKY57, but other ppl have explained the different posts. I think if she sees DGC at swimming she is very lucky! Possibly she does not realise how lucky she is! Perhaps she's inclined to depression or something? It was a very strong reaction, to write I don’t want to see her anymore or the gs.

Anyway, I'll take a deep breath and wait for the attacks on my reply. It's along the lines of yours above!

BTW I was amazed when I read your age! Brilliant! I feel about 100 but i am only 8 months off 70! Have a pain condition though. Still it's not all bad! Take care of yourself!

Cold. Simply wanted to congratulate you on putting together a string of posts which do throw light upon this situation. You are very good! Brilliant! I want to say "well done"" but it sounds dreadfully patronising and like a school report!! Brilliant! That's you!

PINKY57. Aren't you being rather childish? You don't even want to see your Grandchild?! You really need to get a grip.
The baby's mother usually turns to her own mother and she has a right to do what she wants. You live nearby, why don't you call on them? Keep in touch, ask if you can help out with anything... Just be a normal, friendly, loving Granny!
I have to say that your petulant response makes me wonder if the baby's mother is a little uncertain as to your level-headedness and maybe she has a sixth sense that makes her reluctant to leave her precious baby alone with you.

pinky I am that MiL you find difficult to accept. I have 2 daughters and regularly care for & socialise with my 4 grandchildren. Far more than my co-grannies do. It is the way it is. Other local granny does do a regular monthly care slot. My DD would be happy for her to see the childten more but her MiL is ok with current arrangements. Enjoy the time you do spend with your grandchild then as they grow they will like to be with you. If the time is spent worrying about co- granny etc. it won't be fun and so visits may become less frequent. Think carefully what you want, what would be reasonably possible and settle for something in between. Nothing is ever perfect.

I had a similar situation when my sons children were young - they always went to their other grandparents who live in the north of England for school hols etc or they came down South. Enjoyed seeing my grandchildren at other times as we are only 30 mins away. My grandaughters and I are now the best of friends and go shopping, lunch etc. Just be happy to see them when you can and I am sure when they are older you will reap the rewards - I hope so.

I’m early 90s

And it’s a term I’ve seen several times on the site. And other derogatory things towards one particular generation.