17 month old being denied solid food

Alexa

If there are concerns about the baby not thriving, the baby needs to see a medical professional. First of all, the OP isn't such. Children can be not thriving for many reasons. Secondly, a medical professional is an independent third party and advice will likely be better received.

GoneGirl, I'd not known that baby milk has iron in it, so I was mistaken. However if there is any worry about the baby not thriving it's far better to risk a row than to risk the baby's health.

He is starting to speak in English now, several words. Before they came here I asked DIL for a recipe to make Chinese steamed buns but DIL seemed offended and said they buy them, not make them! So, I didn't consider it worth persisting. I did buy the custard buns from a Chinese supermarket but he's not that fussed about them and my son fed him a boiled egg and soldiers this morning, plus a banana.

My son has listened to everything I've said and seems to be trying to feed him better but my DIL is now avoiding the family and staying in her room . To be honest, I'm not missing her company as she wanted to sit on her phone and ignore the baby, then criticise me for getting down on his level to play with him. I spoke to my son about that tonight and he asked me to look after the baby while he had a bath (DIL was still in the bedroom and when he asked the baby if he wanted to go to Mummy he shook his head!) So my husband and me had some quality time to play with Gs and he spoke many English words such as doggie, cat, banana and tomato. Not bad as he's been here such a short time.

Sorry this is so long, but I do feel we are making some progress now. If I were to write all the progress I'd be here all night Son is still doing everything, DIL avoiding the whole family. It will take time to build bridges and relationships take two, so I'll wait until she's ready.

I note they "don't have a health visitor yet". You need to talk to your GP ; an undernourished child is a child protection problem.
The baby of 17 months should not be apathetic. Has it had its hearing test? Its vaccinations? I'd kick up a row if I were you with a view to getting better care for the baby.

They arrived two weeks ago after presumably about a 13 hour flight, the child is probably jetlagged, caught a chesty cold (perhaps from a virus going round the plan), is in a strange house in a strange country with people who don't speak his language!

There is no point at all in kicking up a row (good grief!!) but he may in all probability need to see the GP to see if he does need antibiotics or not and to register with a GP.

I don't think there are any jokes in the buns.

I suggest make the cakes with the jokes in and then open a few in front of the baby. He will soon perk up and he can chomp on his sugar bun while you chuckle at the jokes. A sort of edible Christmas cracker.

Follow on milk such as he is getting would have iron in it.

Jalima that is the recipe I was just going to link to for you. (Just come back to thread) Sounds good!

I note they "don't have a health visitor yet". You need to talk to your GP ; an undernourished child is a child protection problem. The baby of 17 months should not be apathetic. Has it had its hearing test? Its vaccinations? I'd kick up a row if I were you with a view to getting better care for the baby.

I imagine that a 17 month baby fed only milk would be anaemic by now. Please get the health visitor in to see the baby and mother.

www.jessicagavin.com/chinese-steamed-custard-bun-recipe/

oh, are they the same as fortune cookies?

Well, you're the pudding expert Lily65
We'll let you make some!!

Sometimes they contain jokes and stories don't they?

Gonegirl

Where's the recipe for Chinese buns?
Perhaps someone in the house could make those and the little boy could have them for breakfast.

Well, we know the littleun is healthy apart from a chesty cold, and what baby doesn't get one of those at some point? He's obviously getting enough food of whatever sort.

Apart from laying down some rules about quietness in the house after a certain time, can't see the problem.

But no doubt this thread will run and run... And probably turn into a bun fight. (Chinese buns?)

I think they need to make an appointment with GP and get some basics established.

What a complicated tale this is.

Not an idiot. A helpful excited mother and granny who unfortunately was presented with something other Han her expectations! As were they!

Thanks so much for all the helpful posts. I have probably been an idiot to allow them to come here at all. I was so happy at the thought of finally seeing my Grandson that I may have let emotions cloud my judgement.

2 weeks is a short time to have got anything feeling settled..let alone have a job! Though it was a risk your DS took to come home without having researched some options ! So much good advice above. Fingers crossed you can say what needs to be said without arguments ?

Well, after your goady post yesterday 23:37 Bluebell,
But dear Lavazz even though they are in your house it really isn't up to you when they put him to bed or what they feed him why did you have to stay up till 11 and be exhausted can't you go to bed and leave them to go to bed when they want?
No empathy to the OP what so ever!
The OP is working and running the household and would like some relaxation time in the evenings, in her own home.
Not to be told by you Bluebell to go to bed if she doesn't like a 17 month old playing with noisy toys at 11 at night.
Her Son and family have landed on her with nothing, no money, with a baby they haven't a clue how to look after, she is doing her best, under very difficult circumstances and if you haven't anything better to say than taking a dig at Lavazz then don't bother spouting on.
I'm pleased that your advice is slightly less acerbic, this morning, although is you've read the thread you will see that, of course it would be better if the Son and family had their own place but he has no job and they have no money and you are stating the obvious.
And yes! Son has been looking for work, if you'd read the thread you would know this.

I think that’s a brillient post Madgran77 you have put it so well
I can feel and understand how disappointed you are Lavazz none of it is as you thought it would be it isn’t a living arrangement that can be sustained and you are obviously poles apart in all your ideas on living and child rearing
My only BIG piece of advice is DO NOT try to give them advice as hard as it is our children may want to have the opposite ways of child rearing to us and that really isn’t for us to try and chanhpge
Don’t walk away from them though just because it’s not done your way hopefully if they can get a flat or rooms you can be a more distant granny and do it how you want

Is your son looking for work ? Surely that’s the key to it all Im sure they can’t feel very happy either

Lavazz You obviously know this is a highly unsuitable arrangement. You know its not working. You know normal boundaries but don't feel you can stick to them in such abnormal circumstances in your house!

It is only 2 weeks (probably feels like 20 years!!) and I think you need to try hhard not to get into "extreme" decisions like don't want to be involved with grandson , just yet! This is an over crowded house, with a complete maelstrom of conflicting emotions, expectations and hurt .... and some deep tiredness to boot!

So ...on a practical level:

1. Decide what you want to happen regarding living arrangements whilst in your house and explain these clearly with practical but non emotional reasons. As in
- the house needs to be quiet after (9.00/10.00?) becauseI/.... can't function without enough sleep. Please ensure only quiet toys if ...is still playing ( ie no comment on their choices about baby bedtime, just about yours/ household members needs)
- "I feel you are not happy about the food I have prepared up to now for ....! I have put everything on the table so please give him what you think best, or if you prefers prepare something different. I don't mind if that is what you would like to do" (now this might well result in a crying baby but that is for them to deal with ...even if it is with another bottle!! Their choice!
- "As you don't like what's on the table today, do make yourselves something else if you prefer" and leave them to it!
- Bottles - don't comment other than telling them you have arranged a space in the kitchen for preparing bottles, for them to use!
-playing with grandson - "That's interesting that you think it is best he plays alone. Can you tell me why, I've not heard that before ....how interesting ...etc etc"
-knitting -" I'm sorry I didn't check what you would prefer before I started knitting for ....! Is there anything you would like me to knit for him?" If the answers no, keep knotting and say you'll put it in a charity shop when finished. Smile benignly if they ridicule it!!

All of this should be unemotionally expressed, practical and as factual as possible.

Regarding living with you and buying them houses etc - look directly at your son and ay "what on earth gave you the impression that I could afford that?" ...then at your DIL "Dear me, I hope he didn't give you that impression. How unfortunate!"

Regarding their living with you, there is already advice on here about housing/benefits etc! Gather it together plus any leaflets etc , sit them down, tell them a timescale for leaving and finding their own place , give them the pack of leaflets etc (have spare copies for yourself) and offer to babysit whilst they are arranging things.

I know none of this is easy but if you don't start to think of strategies to work your way through this, nothing will change. Take out all the emotion and resentment and stat being very practical Good luck!

Good for the siblings!

@Elrel yes, my others are quite shocked but happy with their own lives and have no intention of following suit

Poked fun at your knitting?! They sound like 15 year olds, at best! What on earth do your other children think of their prodigal brother?