17 month old being denied solid food

Muffinthemoo our family is FAR from wealthy and I have been honest with her at the start about this. When she started criticising our home, I felt less like bending over backwards for her.
I do think she is rude and "when in rome....." she just isn't making any effort to consider their invasion in our home might be affecting how we might be feeling. She didn't want a Mother in Law because the Chinese ones can be bad and force them to do all the housework etc. I wouldn't be like that, but I won't be doing all of it while she sits around like a princess either. Unfortunately my poor spineless son is rushing around doing everything he can while she sits on her arse using her phone. Sullen doesnt cover it! I was happy to welcome her, but I expected her to be happy to be here.

My grandson never drank milk after breastfeeding stopped. One yogurt a day was all he would take. But now, at 17, he's swigging gallons of the stuff as he needs a bit of weight on him for his kayaking.

It all works out in the end.

Of course, children don't need milk after a certain age but it is a good source of calcium.

I have a friend whose DD refused any milk at all after she had finished breastfeeding at about 12 months old. She was and is fit and healthy and a mum herself now.

muffinthemoo thankyou for your support. I agree. I know some will see it as interference but I worked as a child care professional for most of my working life and am qualified to know whats right. All I really care about is the child's protection and development- for any child to develop and grow as they should. They have the right to a varied diet and to enjoy their life. I say this because when I saw her on her phone ignoring him, I got down on his level and played with him and then she got my son to complain for not letting him play alone! They are missing out on so much.

I also think your son and DIL have been giving it the big I-am at home in China about how son is wealthy westerner and the baby is going to a new life in the west where the trees rain money and the baby will live like a prince.

I think the reality that your son is jobless, is struggling to even make enough money to keep DIL in the country, and they can only afford to kip down with you for free has probably come as a severe shock to DIL's expectations.

You might be right about the milk jalima. I am completely out of touch now. Grandsons 13 and 17.

Bluebelle yes I have bent over backwards to include CNY celebrations and food, bought everything they could possibly want or need to set them up, cooked, cleaned etc etc...I knew she would be jet lagged and missing her family so I have been really kind. Until she criticised my home and cooking, that is. I feel she is really rude and not making an effort at all to even tidy up after herself or the baby so I'm super tired with more housework than ever. I feel that relationships should be two way so I have pulled back from bending over backwards now.

Lavazza, I doubt the poor mite is fine from how you describe his cough. I assume your son's phoned NHS24. It sounds like someone should have a listen to his wee chest.

They sound bloody useless, if you will forgive my bluntness. I think the right thing to do for the wee soul is quietly make your concerns known to GP/HV.

If they would like their son's upbringing to not concern you, they should move their backsides out of your home.

Muffinthemoo I was going to do that on Monday. Since they came back home DIL insists he's "fine" but I pointed out that he can barely speak so son phoned the Dr and is waiting for a call back. I'm sure my interference is making her cross but they have never had to parent before and are completely clueless. I don't think hes even had developmental checks...

Gonegirl yes I bought those buns to be nice but didnt realise it would be all he was allowed to have for his lunch though...

Lavazza1st I won't pretend I'm not shocked at your post - I am. In your original post you ask, 'What should I do?' Well, my answer is try, try and try again - and if it takes a long time to establish trust and build a bond with your daughter-in-law and your GRANDSON then so be it.

I had a good relationship with the Chinese man I mentioned in my last post, but we were not particularly close before his wife joined him. His wife is almost the same age as one of my daughters and I felt so sad for her being uprooted that I did bend over backwards for her - and it took a very long time for her to trust me. I am now regarded as a much loved 'mum' and 'grandmama' and believe me, the effort I put in was worth it.

Phone the GP and the HV and report your concerns. It is up to them how they escalate matters from there.

Semi skimmed cows milk would be good
I thought that children needed full fat milk until the age of about five.
The Aptamil growing up milk mentioned is better than cow's milk if the mum is insisting the boy has a milk-based diet for the time being, it has more nutrients than cow's milk.

Buffybee she put her career before spending time with him and went back to work when he was only 6 weeks old. It was crazy since she only earned the equivalent of 50 uid a month. I think she wants to keep him a baby as she cant accept hes getting independant.

(Did you get a Chinese custard bun?)

Semi skimmed cows milk would be good, if she could be persuaded. But don't let it worry you.

I ve spent the whole time bending over backwards.
They ve only been here two weeks !!!

Well, I'd go on giving them your food whenever you can, and let her feed him anything she wants to. Sounds like he's getting enough to eat. He'll be fine. He'll find his feet soon.

A toddler group would be good though.

Hi Grannyactivist thankyou. It was not my choice for her to leave all she holds dear and I don't think she even wants to be here. In many ways I wish she had stayed where she was because I have spent the whole time bending over backwards to make her feel welcome including going to CNY things with her and cooking special meals which she did not appreciate. I feel she rejects any love I show her and so I am pulling back. It may be best all round if she goes home to her family, and my son too. If you read my other post you'll see what I mean.

I feel very sorry for your DIL.
What a culture shock she must have had; it is going to take time to adapt as grannyactivist says

BlueBelle, 'force feeding' on top of solid food I meant - we have the opposite here, DGS would live on milk - HV just told us yesterday to cut it down to 2 cups a day and insist he eats solid food and drinks water, so it was fresh in my mind how filling even ordinary cows milk is, let alone formula.

luluaugust actually I bought Chinese foods but she rejected them and said I did not cook them in the right way- plus I offered her the chance to cook instead of me but she did not want to. The meal last night was cooked by my husband and gs liked it a lot.

Hello Lavazza1st - I am an English 'mum' to a Chinese couple and 'grandmama' to their lovely daughter. When the young woman first arrived in the UK it was to join her Hong Kong born husband who had lived here for almost twenty years. She was understandably completely shell-shocked for the first year; she listened to Chinese music, watched Chinese TV and really struggled to master even very simple English or to engage with English people. Fortunately she eventually allowed me to befriend her and two years after her arrival they had a daughter. (I was present at the birth.) The young mum was determined to do her absolute best for her little girl, which she believed meant giving her as much formula milk as possible, for as long as possible. I didn't want to persuade her to give her little girl an English diet, but I did want her to be confident that the little one's diet was nutritionally sound. I found a wonderful resource from Hong Kong and it was so helpful because it was written in both English and Chinese. We prepared the food together and we laughed a lot at my ignorance about Chinese foods and she learnt a bit more English. The Booklet I found has been updated and reproduced.
www.fhs.gov.hk/english/health_info/child/14732.pdf

I hope you can find it in you to understand what a huge wrench it is for your daughter-in-law to leave her home and family and all that is familiar - and find ways to bond.

Bluebelle hes being a wimp.

All we keep hearing about is the ’terrible’ daughter in law where’s you son in all this decision making