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17 month old being denied solid food

(171 Posts)
Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 14:22:38

My son and his wife are jobless and living with us. Their 17 month old is being fed five full bottles of follow on formula a day and they wake in the night to give him bottles as well. As a result the toddler is not eating much solid food. A few times we've given him fruit and my daughter in law gets really upset that he may not drink his milk! I have tried to explain to her that he only needs one pint of milk a day and should be getting his nutrition from three good meals a day, but she ignores this and has hidden milk powder in their bedroom!
If they were living in their own house I'd not say anything, but they are living in our house and the little one really wants food! He absolutely loves some of the meals we've prepared! (His parents are being lazy and have prepared no meals and done no housework!) Also, they spend all their time on their phones and don't want us to engage with him because they say he should play alone. It's really difficult to see a child so apathetic and joyless. She's from China and I think their ways are different. What should I do???

Buffybee Sat 09-Feb-19 16:17:58

I agree with you Lavazza, I would be worried if my Dil was denying my Gs solid food at 17months old, especially as you say that your Gs loves the food you give him and even asks for more.
Can you try to get to the bottom of why your Dil doesn't want her child to eat solid food? Does your Ds know?
It's obviously something that is really upsetting her about the child eating solid food, if she is almost crying, watching you feeding him.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:14:53

Well, so long as he's eating meals like that, why are you worrying? The milk isn't going to hurt him.

You mentioned "white foods" in the other thread?

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:14:42

Gonegirl, they will not let him have readybrek, cereal or anything "normal" for breakfast. They give him a Chinese custard bun, a glutious white flour thing. For lunch too...they don't like him to have fruit, veg, protien or anything resembling a normal one year old's diet.
But because they don't cook, we always put dinner on a plate for him when we do the evening meal. He always seems hungry, too. But DIL gets upset with us and it's awkward.

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:11:46

Gonegirl, he ate a chipolata, some baked beans, french fries, green beans and a banana afterwards. It's not that he doesn't have an appetite, it's that she gets upset that he might not want his milk.
When she made the three bottles of formula this morning and took him out without any breakfast, we were concerned and then haven't been in touch since so we assume they are at the walk in centre due to his cough.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:11:21

What actually are the "white foods"? Ready Brek? That's white. And good for him.

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:09:32

M0nica I don't know. I think she thought our family were a lot richer than we are, hence all the demands for us to buy them a house and a car!
She can only stay til June because she's here on a tourist visa, so it all hinges on my son getting a good enough job to support them. If he can't she may not return after her trip back. I just don't know.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:08:08

(The one where he had the banana after)

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:07:38

Gonegirl, I bought them a tin of milk powder (Aptamil 2) for their arrival here, but they went through it way too quickly at 5 full bottles a day :/ I knew he was having it but assumed it was a bottle at bedtime...

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:07:25

What did he eat for that dinner?

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:06:25

PS I meant to say, my husband caught her making theree bottles of formula and they took him out without any breakfast...It seems like they don't want him to eat solid food and I just don't understand it.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:06:10

Perhaps you could get them on your side, and show them that you are on there side, by buying the tin of milk and putting it in the kitchen in the open. Just as a starting point.

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 16:05:09

Sorry to hear that Farmor, I had no idea before they lived in our house just how bad his diet was. It's not because he doesn't like solid food though because he absolutely loves what we've given him so far, but my DIL gets so upset with us!
For example, last night after he had eaten his dinner he asked for a banana and ate the whole thing but she was nearly crying about it. Then my husband caught her making three bottles of formula this morning. He didn't say anything but we are concerned because he's quite slim and also not well. If it carries on I will have a word with the HV at our surgery as they are registered there.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:04:36

I think you should keep badgering her to get him taken to a toddler group. She would find other mums to talk to then.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:02:45

Really Monica! Why would that be any of our business?!

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:01:55

I don't understand why they feel the need to hide the tins of formula. It's not as though it's that bad for him.

M0nica Sat 09-Feb-19 16:01:00

The other thing they will need to check on is her visa status and, as you say they are having marital difficulties already, has she married and had the child in order to get a settlement visa for the UK?

Jalima1108 Sat 09-Feb-19 16:00:43

The thread was more about sleeping issues Lavazza - a toddler wanting to be breastfed up to five times in the night.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:00:09

I think you should talk about with your son, perhaps when she's not around. The little boy getting the right foods is more important than anything else.

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 15:57:10

Thanks Phoenix, I didn't know that! :D

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 15:55:53

No he doesn't go to any groups yet. I fully intended to help her find out about them all, but she doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
The toddler is really sick with a congested chest and the gp and I have suggested for days that they give him a steamy bath. Last night, I finally nagged them into it by preparing the bathroom for them and standing there while they bathed him. He could breathe better and slept better (thank God!) but today they have taken him to the walk in centre and will likely be gone hours. I can only hope that the GP asks them about his diet and gives them some advice that they might actually listen to since I have found a tin of milk powder hidden in their room half gone that they only bought yesterday!!!

M0nica Sat 09-Feb-19 15:55:32

Most GP practices call in new patients for a joining medical check and the Health Visitor works out of the GP practices, so your DGC would also have a medical and a referral would be made to the Health Visitor, who I think will want to make a house visit.

Jalima1108 Sat 09-Feb-19 15:52:49

Wasn't there another thread about a baby being breast fed on demand and not having solids?

Perhaps answers on there might be helpful, I'll try to find it.

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 15:51:56

On Mumsnet you get notifications of any thread that mentions your user name. I know because I keep getting someone else's notifications. Anyone know of a "lurker"?

Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 15:51:53

He was brought up here and he doesn't agree with the Chinese ways but they have been having marital problems and he is afraid to rock the boat.
The baby was born in China and was largely raised by her parents. She doesn't want to engage with me at all and spends all her time talking in Chinese to her family :/

Jalima1108 Sat 09-Feb-19 15:50:40

shock
just googled it EllanVannin - I hadn't heard about that!