Poorly grandchild.

All right GabriellaG !

X post Gabriella

Were you not a City lawyer GabriellaG54? Or maybe I'm mixing you up with another Gabriella
Riverwalk I thought that too, as well as being a nurse.

Is there more than one Gabriella on here - am I getting

MawBroon
Before I married...alright?

Riverwalk
Indeed I was but Trisher obviously does not know that I studied law through the OU during my marriage and later, gained an LL.M(Eur)
She also does not know when my last child left home which is when I decided to work.

And a nurse before that? Forgive the intrusion, but did you qualify as a nurse before or after the five children?

In 'traditional' communities world-wide, mothers go out to work in the fields quite soon after children are born and it usually falls to a granny or other senior relatives to look after the babies. The extended family is, in effect, the carer.
I'm not an anthropologist, but I think that, taking a broad view of humanity over the millennia, RosieLeah's view of motherhood pertains largely to the 20th Century.

Were you not a City lawyer GabriellaG54? Or maybe I'm mixing you up with another Gabriella

Mawbroon, my daughter had a university education, but she made the choice to have a career.... marriage and children were not on her agenda.
I still stand by what I say...you can't have a career AND be a proper mother

While I respect everybody’s personal choice, (unlike you RosieLeah ) thank goodness the vital roles of childbearing and rearing are not left to women without education and thank goodness for all the working mothers at every level in our society. And thank goodness for loving grandparents who do not count the hours they give selflessly. I am sure it dies need me to say how much stronger the bond between grandchildren and their grandparents.
A husband/partner is not a “meal ticket” and the time may come when for whatever reason our daughters have to support themselves, I see quite a few women who have had to depend on their husbands income and are in dire straits when either the relationship breaks down or they are left widowed. And thank goodness for educated mothers!

GabriellaG54* I actually feel sorry for you. My mum worked, I worked. my DIL works. Three women who managed motherhood but knew that they had other skills and used them. We all had pride in our work and our achievements. Knowing that you can and do earn your own money is great. So sad you will never know that.

What about fathers RosieLeah don't they figure in your happy families? My DS who has children shares the care with his wife and actually enjoys it. He was working from home the other day and looking after his poorly daughter. He settled her on the sofa, gave her a cuddle and when she dozed off worked on his laptop. Both parents can care for children and both can have careers. My DIL has worked hard to get where she is why should she throw it all away? Her children are well cared for and supported.

Iam64
FYI, I'm neither smug nor a money grabber.
When I met my ex husband, I had no idea of his income but, as he became more qualified, his earnings rose dramatically and throughout our 40 years together.
I was fortunate not to have to work and my mother didn't work either, in fact, my father gave mum a personal allowance so that she didn't need to ask for 'her own' spending money.
I doubt whether I would have had any children, never mind 5, had it been necessary for me to work.
2 of my AC don't work either as their partners enjoy good salaries.
It's nothing to be smug or ashamed about.

This is one of the reasons why employers are reluctant to employ young women with children.
Mawbroon, my daughter had a university education, but she made the choice to have a career.... marriage and children were not on her agenda.
I still stand by what I say...you can't have a career AND be a proper mother.

My daughter always takes time off if her child is ill, i just find it strange my daughter in law would rather go to work.
I have to add, though, that if there was a choice between vomit and going to work I would choose work.

I would never have made a nurse.

Yes! I've always looked after my DGc when they are ill and yes, my Dd absolutely hates having to leave them.
She's very grateful that I can jump in to help and I always look after them in their own home.
I always make sure that I take my phone to bed, in case I get the early morning phone call to rush over, for a poorly Gc.

She probably did want to stay with him, as other people have said it isn’t always possible. One of the reason my dil chose to be a stay at home mum was that she’d seen how horribly her boss had treated her colleagues when they’d needed time off to care for their children.

DD is in a position to take quite a lot of time off for sick children (balanced by the nights when she is working till past midnight) but when I have had to help like kittylester I have loved a day curled up on the sofa watching TV.

I think that parents should have the support they need to pursue their careers if they wish to; but it is a shame that those who would choose to be at home with the children often cannot do so and also pay the mortgage. An equally valid choice - but no support for them to do this.

I took 5 years off from my career and have never regretted that - they were precious times. But many could not afford to do that if it were what they wanted.

Well said notanan2. I was lucky with my work, which could be flexible or in desperation work from home. they always got more than my paid hours because of this positive approach. I'd had a day at home with one of our poorly 5 year olds but had to be in the office the following day. My husband took a days leave - his manager rang him very cross and when he learned we had a poorly child said "where's your wife?"
Children have two parents - don't they?

Parents have to allow in their budget that they might loose pay if they have to stay home to look after sick children.

Its often not one days wage you lose if you take a day off. Depending on your contract type, one day off calling in because of a sick child can mean:
- losing future bookings/hours if you're agency/zero hours as it can get you "blacklisted"
- not being considered for promotions
- losing clients & future business if self employed
- losing your actual job if you're on short contracts that get renued every few months or if youre on probation.

And even if it IS just a days pay, a lot of people dont have a buffer between their income & outgoings so ends wont meet without a full months pay

When I was a single mum of three I always waited taking any of my leave until near the end of our financial/holiday year which happened to be in September

We are not allowed to do that. Nor are we allowed to take annual leave at short notice it has to be booked in before the rota is published.

I had expected them each to each to keep about 5 of their holiday in case of sickness giving the 10days of childcare in case of illness. Instead they take random weeks off for a break together.
Just not an option at my work.

Thanks Maw Broon, Jalima and trisher for your support of working women who are also mothers. I was one of those and don't see myself as having not been a "proper mother". Neither do my adult children.
As for the smug notion that women should marry men who earn enough to keep them and their children, well that's ok if wealth is the key motivator in searching for a partner. It wasn't mine and hasn't been the case for my adult children either.
Yes, we look after our grandchildren one day each week, plus we are the emergency services, along with the other sets of grandparents. My parents were my fall back if neither of us could take time of work to care for poorly children.
that's family life, isn't it?

But you have a right to complain
You've been there and done that...what if you werent around its clear you have had enough and need a break
You are right they both need to take responsibility
And its unkind that anyone should think your unkind too the fact you are questioning that it seems your DIL does not seem to want to take time off why should you be a dogs body grand child or not

We were very lucky to have that option. Today's women do not. My husband earned well enough to enable us to take that choice and I was happy homemaking and fulfilling volunteer roles. My daughters do not have that option even if they wanted it.

Thanks MawBroon and Jalima1108 you are both so right.I really thought that "women should be chained to the kitchen sink" attitude had died out but apparently not.
Both parents, grandparents, nurseries, child minders, out of school clubs and loads of other people can be involved in caring for a child "It takes a village to raise a child"
And children benefit so much from involvement with people from all ages and backgrounds.