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Poorly grandchild.

(94 Posts)
Bopeep14 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:32:26

A question for all of you who look after grandchildren while their parents are at work.
Do you look after them when they are poorly or does a parent take time off?
I am asking because my youngest granchild has been poorly now for going on a month he is only one, he has various things viral infection, chest infection, now tonsillitis, which he is quite poorly with, his parents were at the hospital with him until 1-30 this morning i was at there house looking after there other child so only got to bed at 2-30 am to be up at 7am to look after him. While i don't mind looking after poorly children i am a little fed up with my furniture carpet and myself being covered in vomit. My daughter always takes time off if her child is ill, i just find it strange my daughter in law would rather go to work.

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:36:17

I bet she wouldnt "rather" work
Childcare days are unpaid and limited, after you take your (small) allowance it is usually unpaid or annual leave. Maybe her boss is less generous with it than your daughters?

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:38:41

At my work I would get time off if my child was in hospital but if they just had a general bug I would be expected to exhaust all other possible solutions before not coming to work!

Beau Wed 13-Feb-19 12:43:17

Hi Bopeep14 - neither DD nor SIL has ever taken time off work to look after poorly DGS, he still comes to me. He has had a couple of bouts of tonsillitis as he has an almost continuous cold since starting nursery 2 days per week. Luckily we have been given antibiotics both times, the first time a week too late imo, he was so ill. I was surprised at first but now I realise their careers take precedence over everything else. DD took time off work to take him to his developmental checks etc. but not for actual illness. They both took time off to take him into hospital for a procedure then he was straight back to me - I'm used to it now because almost nothing they do is as I would have done with DD. 😕

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:43:26

And I HATE it. I would never "rather" be at work than with my sick child. But the attitude at my work environment is that if your home life clashes then maybe you should go part time (and forgo any chance of promotion, ever!) Or find a more flexible job.

There are no "jobs for life" these days so you cant be seen to be taking the piss (even if you arent).

The things my colleagues have been DENIED compassionate leave for would raise your hair.

I do like my actual work FWIW

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:45:40

"Carers leave" is also technically supposed to be booked in in advance, e.g. for a hospital appointment. Its not technically for calling in in the morning to say your child is sick that day although SOME employers do allow it to be used that way. Not all mind you..

Telly Wed 13-Feb-19 12:48:38

When I looked after the GC if they were very poorly then one or other parent would look after them. No reason why your son can't take time off too. I would speak to them, it could well be that the needs to be in his own home with a parent with him until he is better. The responsibility is not just that of your daughter in law.

gillybob Wed 13-Feb-19 12:50:19

I totally agree with notanan2 . I have almost always looked after poorly grandchildren as its much easier for me to not come to work , than it would be for my DS or DDiL, neither of whom would be paid if they didn't go to work. They already struggle with childcare during school holidays and often have to take annual leave separately which I think is a great shame.

knickas63 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:55:35

Not always easy to get time of work for Childcare - it is often limited and at the managers discretion. If he has been ill on and off for a month - she may be at her limit! We have had the same problem with my GC, and I too was up until 3.30 in the morning whilst my daughter and SIL were at the hospital with their youngest. We all muck in. I have fibbed to get a day off myself to help out before now. Pretty difficult for working women to negotiate all this. You son could also take time off?

knickas63 Wed 13-Feb-19 12:57:11

Sorry - just read your second post. Never taken time off? Then you need to put your foot down a bit.

Beau Wed 13-Feb-19 12:59:44

A mum I met a couple of weeks ago said she has no backup when her child can't go to nursery and has to take a sick day herself - she feels really guilty because she is a nurse and all her colleagues pay the price but know she has no choice. It is a minefield, no doubt.

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 13:07:43

P.s. I have seen my colleagues crying whilst phoning whoever was looking after their sick child while they had to work. I have done so myself. To say that mothers would "rather" be at work is very unkind.

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 13:15:50

As for fathers taking time off, yes they should but it is even harder for them. My DH tries to match the amt of days I take so that my career doesnt go down the toilet but every time he does its the same thing from his boss and colleagues:
"Where's your wife?"
"Why cant your wife do it?"
And every time he says the same thing "she took a day off last time X was ill" and then its "so why cant she do it now?" He then has to insist it is his turn, and it does NOT go down well I can tell you!

And believe me, even if they are home with their other parent, it breaks my heart to not be with them when theyre ill...but I also have to keep a roof over their heads!

trisher Wed 13-Feb-19 14:06:02

I've looked after my 3DGCs when they have been ill and I know it isn't always easy for the parents to get/take time off. If you don't want vomit on your carpets why not go to their house? Otherwise just say "No". And it is your DS's responsibility as well as your DIL's. Children have two parents and if both aare working childcare should be shared.

GrannyGravy13 Wed 13-Feb-19 14:19:54

Mr GG13 and I are looking after both poorly GS and his Mum (our D) today. Have always looked after GC when poorly, depending on age and illness whether at ours or their homes.

BlueBelle Wed 13-Feb-19 14:29:23

Oh poor little chap yes I ve been there for my grandkids when they are ill and looked after them I have always felt a bit privileged to be able to be asked Anything very serious (hospital doc visits etc) has been dealt with by the parents if he’s been vomiting through ill health for a month he needs some help
Put some washable throws over the furniture and lots of towels a months a long time and no way could the parents keep their jobs with those sort of days needing to be taken off
I hope he is a lot better soon poor little man

NanKate Wed 13-Feb-19 14:53:38

I truly feel for you Bopeep. You must be totally exhausted. I often feel we grandparents have so much expected of us and our age and health are not taken into account. I wish I had an answer to this tricky question but I don’t.

When one of our DGSs was ill and had been in hospital our then DinL wanted us to continue with the plan to look after both DGSs for the weekend whilst they went away. One look at him in his cot when we arrived made us realise he was far too ill for us to take full responsibility for him and we told our DS and DinL they could go out each evening but they couldn’t go away. This was the first time we had refused them anything. Our DS accepted it was too much to ask of us but our DinL was absolutely furious. We stuck to our guns and I don’t regret it. My DinL is about to become exDinL, what a relief.

kittylester Wed 13-Feb-19 15:14:19

kate grin

Personally I love being asked to look after a poorly grandchild.

It's not often I get chance to watch tv, under a quilt, with a warm body next to me!

sodapop Wed 13-Feb-19 16:25:59

Sans vomit though kittylester smile

luluaugust Wed 13-Feb-19 17:21:33

Went to visit a friend yesterday who has been shut away from the world for two weeks having picked up a sickness bug from one of her small GC, she had been unable to eat for nearly a week, lost weight and looked dreadful, mid seventies, she spent the time saying what could she do, a modern dilemma. My big problem was that at the time I was on granny duty every week I was also caring for my mum and after she caught a nasty bug off of me we all had to have a rethink. You have my sympathy very difficult problem.

March Wed 13-Feb-19 17:38:41

It's probably a case of if your DIL doesn't work, she doesn't get paid, which means bills don't get paid.
Your son is also working.

Bopeep14 Wed 13-Feb-19 17:40:52

Thanks all for your replies, yes i agree my son could try and get time off, i was just shocked that she didnt want to stay with her son, i actually asked her and she said no he will be fine with you. I have been looking after him all the time he has been ill.
Looking after him at his home is not an option as i also look after another grandchild his cousin. I am not complaining by the way i was just wondering as i haven't come across this before, and i look after a few grandchildren.

grannyactivist Wed 13-Feb-19 17:49:06

My grandson is at a childminder and excludes children for 48 hours if they've had a bug, so his mum and dad negotiate about which of them takes time off work if he's poorly. Mum is a teacher so time off is very restricted in term time, whereas my son's employer is slightly more flexible and allows my son to catch up by working at home.

notanan2 Wed 13-Feb-19 18:04:49

was just shocked that she didnt want to stay with her son

I bet she did!
But the consequences of doing so may have had a worse effect on her child than leaving them with a trusted grandparent.

At the end of the your rent/mortgage & bills need to be paid ragardless and providing that security for your child matters too.

Thats not to say it doesnt break her heart to leave him when ill, even if she doesnt show it

Susan56 Thu 14-Feb-19 09:49:12

If my granddaughter is ill I tend to go to their house to look after her instead.Maybe you could suggest doing this Bopeep?Much better if she is being sick as wooden floors throughout😉