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Pictures

(97 Posts)
AngelD Fri 01-Mar-19 19:38:07

My DIL has repeatedly informed me that I have to have her and my DS's permission prior to sending pictures of my 1 mth old DGS to my family and friends and/or posting them on social media due to the fact that she is a very private person and doesn't want to have pics of her DS floating around without their knowledge. I totally respect and understand the social media thing, but I feel that I should not need to have their permission prior to sharing pictures privately (ie via texting or email) with my friends and family. Am I being unreasonable or should I adhere to these expectations and not share anything without prior consent?

Onestepbeyond Sat 02-Mar-19 12:14:18

Her message is there for you to listen to so open up your ears to her words being 'repeatedly' told to you

Onestepbeyond Sat 02-Mar-19 12:09:53

Q- Am I being unreasonable- A-Yes you are being unreasonable -

Matriarch Sat 02-Mar-19 12:09:18

As a teacher , I’m all too aware of the dangers of social media regarding children . It’s just about keeping our beloved ones safe .

BRedhead59 Sat 02-Mar-19 12:00:05

Also, check your security settings

BRedhead59 Sat 02-Mar-19 11:58:25

I post but not often and I never identify names or places.

vickymeldrew Sat 02-Mar-19 11:52:53

Angel - your DGS is just one month old. Let it settle a while and I expect there may be room for compromise.

B9exchange Sat 02-Mar-19 11:38:41

YABU, and if you value your future relationship with this new family you will entirely respect their wishes. DiL hasn't even totally banned you sending photos, just asked that you run any proposed email photos past her first, she sounds sensible and caring, cherish her, respect her wishes, and your relationship will thrive!

Coconut Sat 02-Mar-19 11:29:44

Speechless .... but each to their own, we can’t all think alike. I just feel sorry for all grans who have to spend their time treading on eggshells.

Annaram1 Sat 02-Mar-19 11:29:10

I agree with other posters, don't send the photos anywhere.

As for paedos, they may be after children they see on the internet, but don't forget if they are after a child they can see them in parks etc. We now live in a different world to when we were young, although when I was 11 a paedo tried to get me to go with him, and then tried to get me into a phone box for a kiss, He only let me go when I started crying and said I was afraid he would murder me.

kwest Sat 02-Mar-19 11:24:36

I realise that this has never crossed your mind. It wouldn't for most of us but there are some really wicked people out there who superimpose the faces of our beloved children or grandchildren onto images of children being sexually abused and involved in child pornography.
I work with the survivors of child sex abuse and incest and the brave and broken people who come for help would break your heart. So please think very carefully about who might be able to illegally access your photos.

Yorkshiregirl Sat 02-Mar-19 11:24:24

Of course you must respect the parents wishes. It is perfectly normal for parents to keep their children off line. The media is full of horror stories of paedophiles.
It is simply common sense, and even sharing with friends is a breach of trust.

ReadyMeals Sat 02-Mar-19 11:13:02

This rule imposed by parents of young children seems to be the norm now, so I think you have to accept it or risk a fallout.

GoldenAge Sat 02-Mar-19 11:08:05

Yes you are being unreasonable - how do you know that what you send electronically to your friends won’t get posted on somewhere else even by accident - you must get the parents’ permission and they too in turn must get their childen’s permission when they are old enough before they go posting the pics on Facebook.

Cycorax Sat 02-Mar-19 11:06:17

As others have said, you have no control over what people will do with your pictures once you have sent them. Hard copy is safer for sure.

elfies Sat 02-Mar-19 10:58:12

So many Children nowadays are fostered or adopted , often from awkward or dangerous circumstances , so I can understand schools and groups having to ask permission .
There may just be a wariness on the part of ordinary parents too , there are some very odd folks out there , and we have no idea who is lurking on facebook

trisher Sat 02-Mar-19 10:56:20

If you want to share -ask- it's simple. If she says "No" then don't do it. She has said she doesn't want it done without her permission, that seems fine to me-her child, her choice.

Newatthis Sat 02-Mar-19 10:47:06

There's a chance that any photo posted on the social media sites can be hacked by all sorts of unsavoury people - paedophiles etc. (this is a fact- any very easy to do by those who know how- a friend's son works in the police department that deals with this sort of horror). They then are manipulated and sold on the dark web. Therefore your DiL and on are absolutely right not to want any photo of their child send without her permission to anyone she doesn't know.

PenelopePopcorn Sat 02-Mar-19 10:45:13

I don't think it matters if your DIL is right or wrong about the photos. I think the important thing is should you respect her wishes in this matter or not? I say you should - if you value your relationship with her.

tavimama Sat 02-Mar-19 10:36:16

My twins were friends with a young lady whose father was in prison. We always said no to photos with her, because we didn’t want the photos shown to him. Mother respected our wishes.

Imagine our horror when the estranged grandmother casually told us she had shared photos she had taken (without our knowledge or consent) with him. He was on the sex- offenders wing of his prison and had shown those photos around. So there are potentially dozens of sex offenders who know what my children look like, and where they live.

And who knows if those pictures haven’t been shared elsewhere in the U.K. or abroad?

Not the same - but not so different.

Respect her desire to allow her children some privacy - the advent of social media, even that we deem private, has taken away this right.

adaunas Sat 02-Mar-19 10:35:37

Sorry but YABU. Her child, her choice. As many have said already, once on the internet you have no control over what happens.

Willow10 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:20:40

I get annoyed if my family share pictures of ME on the internet without my permission, let alone the continual stream of their children's pictures for all the world to see. I hate this idea that everything and everyone has to be photographed and shared. What happened to personal privacy and respect?

Patticake123 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:19:01

I never post photos of my grandchildren even though they are the best in the world. This even deprived me of a prize I had won as they wanted a photo of the children playing with the prize for their publicity, I said no and they gave the prize to someone else! Privacy is so important.

Mamar2 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:08:09

My DD doesn't want me to share any pics of my GC ....ages 4 & 2 on the net. I respect her wishes. Her rules. It's easy when you know you're helping to keep them safe.

Luckygirl Sat 02-Mar-19 10:07:00

Not suggesting putting on social media is a good idea; but sending to a friend or relative via email seems acceptable to me. We send lots of pics via whatsapp - the children keep me up to date via this.

icanhandthemback Sat 02-Mar-19 10:04:10

Women who move away with their children to avoid an abusive partner are at risk if pictures are shown of their children which show their abuser clues of where they are. You may be absolutely sure that your grandchild is not in that position now but who knows. A blanket rule protects all. I am not allowed to show pictures of my son's son but my daughter doesn't mind me showing pictures of her daughter. I accept the ruling because it is their children. My son says that when his son is older and understands the implications, they will give him the choice of his picture being posted on Social Media.