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(96 Posts)
AngelD Fri 01-Mar-19 19:38:07

My DIL has repeatedly informed me that I have to have her and my DS's permission prior to sending pictures of my 1 mth old DGS to my family and friends and/or posting them on social media due to the fact that she is a very private person and doesn't want to have pics of her DS floating around without their knowledge. I totally respect and understand the social media thing, but I feel that I should not need to have their permission prior to sharing pictures privately (ie via texting or email) with my friends and family. Am I being unreasonable or should I adhere to these expectations and not share anything without prior consent?

Franbern Fri 01-Mar-19 19:42:07

Think any parent has a perfect right to object to photos of their child(ren) being posted anywhere without their permission. Sports clubs and schools, etc. know they have to have written permission of parents for even putting up a group photo. Your Dil has the absolute right to object and you should take notice. By all means print out a favourite piccie, and show that to friends when you are with them

Bathsheba Fri 01-Mar-19 19:42:25

Yes, I'm afraid YABU. It's one thing to send a printed photo in the post, but sending electronically, even privately, has the potential to become public. Once out of your hands, you completely lose control of its destiny. Any one of the people with whom you share it have the ability to share it again to people neither you nor your DIL know. It could end up anywhere.

And that is precisely why she expects you to ask permission, because it is her child and she wants to know exactly where any photos of him are being sent.

EllanVannin Fri 01-Mar-19 19:42:37

Nothing remains private on the internet. It's what it stands for----the www.

Bathsheba Fri 01-Mar-19 19:44:09

In fact, these days sending a printed photo in the post is no longer acceptable, because that can be scanned and posted electronically. So, as Franbern has said, showing a printed photo to your friends, which you then return to your handbag is the only safe way to allow your friends to see his picture.

Gonegirl Fri 01-Mar-19 19:47:54

I don't understand this. What harm can it do to post a pic of a child on social media? What do you think is going to happen?

As for not being able to email a picture to a friend, that's just being unnecessarily precious.

baubles Fri 01-Mar-19 19:56:55

I rarely post photos of DD’s children on any site and then only ones that she has posted already. DS has told us all that he doesn’t want any photos of his child on the internet, this is his choice which we respect even though it meant DD couldn’t post a pic of the cousins all together. Different strokes...

AngelD Fri 01-Mar-19 21:56:50

Franbern, then we might as well not even take any pictures on our phones and definitely not store them on a computer because even those can be as easily hacked as accessing emails, texts, developing pics online, etc.
Or as Bathsheb mentioned, even post-mailed pics could be scanned and, consequently misused.
Wouldn't you agree that limiting showing pics to only the people you meet personally is a little extreme and paranoid?
What about those who are dear to me but I rarely see? Do they not deserve to be in the loop?
Even pictures that were taken in our time, are now being scanned and uploaded. Maybe we should go around making sure no one uploads and shares them without our consent? Especially those of our own children when they were babies?
I absolutely agree that what's to be posted on social media deserves prior consent from the baby's parents or anyone else for that matter.
But do I seriously need prior consent before I email or text pictures to my own family and close friends whom I'm in close contact with but rarely see? Is it truly right for only a small number of people to see all the baby's pictures and the rest an occasional one here or there? Aren't any of you emailing or texting pictures without prior consent to close family or friends of fun things you did or special moments you experienced with your DGC?

kittylester Fri 01-Mar-19 22:00:41

Welcome, AngelD, if you are new.

GrannyGravy13 Fri 01-Mar-19 22:19:10

Their child - their views must be upheld

Jalima1108 Fri 01-Mar-19 23:05:21

kitty smile

Print out the nicest ones and put them into a Grandma's Boast Book, keep it in your handbag and get it out to show friends and family and bore them stiff smile

Jalima1108 Fri 01-Mar-19 23:06:23

What about those who are dear to me but I rarely see? Do they not deserve to be in the loop?
If they are dear to your DS and DIL then they will let keep them in the loop.


agnurse Sat 02-Mar-19 01:09:44

It's not paranoid for them to not want their child's pic out there. There are all kinds of weirdos and crazies out there. While I'm sure your friends are nice people, the reality is that once a photo leaves your hands, you have no idea where it's going or how it will be used.

Their child, their choice. Not yours.

starbird Sat 02-Mar-19 04:07:36

We even have to have the consent of other adults now, before sharing any photo they are in.
Regarding children, from what I have read, at the very least, a picture of a cute (healthy) baby or toddler could be copied and circulated with a false name and a request for funds to pay for an operation or treatment to save the child’s life.
At worst the picture could be used by a paedophile in a variety of ways. For example, on facebook, pictures of a child taken together with other information from the poster - if they do not have rigid security settings and/or from clues in the background of the picture, - can indicate where they live, which school they go to etc and a paedophile can from there befriend the child on the way home from school or in the park/town etc by appearing as a friend of the family, knowing their name and other things about them. From there, anything can happen, from grooming to kidnap. Even if the original poster of the picture is careful, once the picture is online, any ‘friend’ can repost it and it could end up anywhere. It could be used as an ad to draw people into a ‘dating’ agency. Given the easy availabilty of programmes that doctor pictures, a photo could be used in a manner that places the child in an apparently embarrasing situation. Unfortunately it may be a young teen posting a picture themselves who ends up being compromised.

GrandmainOz Sat 02-Mar-19 04:31:37

You can't go against parents' wishes. There's nothing to stop you asking "may I txt a photo to Auntie X?" But if the answer's No, you have to accept that

eazybee Sat 02-Mar-19 08:18:07

I am constantly surprised at the photographs of grandchildren posted on Gransnet, with names and places attached, sometimes with school names on jumpers and certificates clearly identifiable. Towards the end of my teaching career we were frequently reminded by police liaison officers of the dangers of taking and sharing photographs of children, usually for of evidence of work activities, even within the school community.

Franbern Sat 02-Mar-19 09:24:36

I must comment that the current craze of people to grab their phones as you meet them, in order to show umpteen piccies of their g.child, etc. is something that really annoys me. A baby usually looks like every other baby, as do toddlers look like other toddlers. We all make suitable 'OOhs and AAH' noises, trying to get through the photos as quickly as possible. Amazes me that people put up photos of their childs (g.childs) birthday parties, again, all are very similar. Sure, to you they look the most beautiful and handsome of children, but to other people they are totally boring,
In my home I have many photos of my children and my g.children - they are my ornaments and I love just looking at them. If someone visits and asks about any of them I will comment, but I have never, and will never, have such pictures on my phone and consider that other people are at all really interested in them.

Luckygirl Sat 02-Mar-19 09:29:31

DIL is being a bit OTT I think; but her child, her choice.

Lb66 Sat 02-Mar-19 09:59:56

I would never post any pictures of my grand children on fb. The world is a dangerous place.

Deni1963 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:02:03

I generally ask my daughter first before posting pics on social media - which i feel is right - I don't ask when sending via messages/email!

Tillygumbo Sat 02-Mar-19 10:02:07

World's gone mad!

icanhandthemback Sat 02-Mar-19 10:04:10

Women who move away with their children to avoid an abusive partner are at risk if pictures are shown of their children which show their abuser clues of where they are. You may be absolutely sure that your grandchild is not in that position now but who knows. A blanket rule protects all. I am not allowed to show pictures of my son's son but my daughter doesn't mind me showing pictures of her daughter. I accept the ruling because it is their children. My son says that when his son is older and understands the implications, they will give him the choice of his picture being posted on Social Media.

Luckygirl Sat 02-Mar-19 10:07:00

Not suggesting putting on social media is a good idea; but sending to a friend or relative via email seems acceptable to me. We send lots of pics via whatsapp - the children keep me up to date via this.

Mamar2 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:08:09

My DD doesn't want me to share any pics of my GC ....ages 4 & 2 on the net. I respect her wishes. Her rules. It's easy when you know you're helping to keep them safe.

Patticake123 Sat 02-Mar-19 10:19:01

I never post photos of my grandchildren even though they are the best in the world. This even deprived me of a prize I had won as they wanted a photo of the children playing with the prize for their publicity, I said no and they gave the prize to someone else! Privacy is so important.