Laundry woes

If you've talked to him about it, in a kindly way, and it still makes no difference, then perhaps you could think of something else he could do in place of laundry? Something you don't like doing of course!

I'm not going to moan about my husband again as I couldn't stand him interfering with the washing he sticks to diy mowing the lawn general repairs and decorating

I think you need to sit him down and have a frank discussion!

Pippa22 I agree with you!

Mine DH has started to help , first he carries the dirty washing basket down to the kitchen and takes it back up again when the job has been completed; washing, folding,ironing etc by the elves. He will then put his (only) cloths away. Quite amazing achievement after 45 years of marriage. Well done one would say, or its a miracle that he even notices, others would say. The problem is when he does it the wrong way round and puts his dirty washing back into the drawers.
My answer to your problem, as I think I maybe in this situation once DH retires, is to start him off doing his own washing and then promote him to doing all the washing. Or say I'll do the washing if you do the ironing, some men actually enjoy ironing. Mind you DH will not do anything if told or asked, so have to make jobs seem really difficult that will he take over. He is after only trying to help. (grin)

Could you perhaps find a shared system? DH and I both work full-time, but his shift patterns and working hours mean that he is often at home when I am at work.

He will quite often blitz the washing and I will come home and he has done 3/4 loads. We have the grandchildren a lot, so have our own washing, all their clothes, bedding, towels etc.so there is a lot of washing these days. He typically washes, puts everything on the line, airs on the radiator and I come home to a huge pile of clean washing, which I fold, iron, put away as appropriate.

He doesn’t do it the way I do, I would prefer to do one load, dry it, iron it, put it away, but that doesn’t mean I am right, we just have different ways of doing things and when I come home and the house looks like a Chinese laundry I have just learned to be mellow about it.

Could you find a way of splitting the process so that he still feels like he is helping but you can work together to reduce the damp clothes being put away etc. I do hope you get it sorted, it would drive me potty! Good luck

Mine is great around the house and the only think he won’t get involved in is ironing.

My only grudge (this week ?) is that where I can do three loads of washing, tumble drying and putting in airing cupboard in half a day day he would tend to make the same amount to be six much smaller loads that last into the evening ??

Sorry, Pippa, hadn't noted your comments. I would like to add that my OH is hands on with so many things that I am useless at, so we complement each other - it works so well for us.

My OH doesn't know where the washing machine is let alone the iron and that suits me perfectly, as his standards are not the same as mine! If I spend a few days away, he is strictly instructed 'not to touch my clothes/linen'. I think he is quite happy with this arrangement!

I am sorry Jane not to have fitted into your Gransnet perceived criteria, with that and the confusing acronym code. I have been naive in thinking I could just come on here and have my say.....

I can remember my mother asking me to bring the sheets in from the line - they were frozen solid in the winter!

Quizzer My husband is the same since he retired. Wants me to wash everyday and brings it in damp, ‘because it’s dry’. Or it’s ‘going to rain’. Then puts it on the radiator to dry ? he will sit and watch the washer count down to finishing too. I think his Mum was the same, she never had a job, so washed every day and of course in those days if your washing got wet it was a problem

There is a fairly even chance that in a few years time they won’t have you to run around doing things for them and they will have to cope alone, then what ?
At least DH will be wearing a perfectly ironed shirt when he goes to the pub, where he can have a meal at the same time as a pint!

Actually, pippa, your statistics do not hold up unless DH are generally 3-4+ years older than their wives. That is in general, not specific.

Jalima .....yes, I am an ace with an iron, wouldn’t let DH near one however, ( not that he has ever tried to wrest it from me.)
lemon it was those 'collar-detached shirts' that did for me (and I had never ironed a shirt in my life before I got married,).
I did struggle on with the ironing for 40+ years though until DH decided he could do it better (and he does).

pippa I have found during my long marriage that the one vital ingredient is a sense of humour.

I don’t know how long you’ve been on Gransnet but, if I may offer a word of advice, generally speaking if you disagree with someone it’s best to direct your response to the person you disagree with, rather than making patronising and deprecating remarks about GN members as a whole.

I'd dampen a shirt for him to wear and if he says anything tell him it must be one that he put away. See if that works.

Jalima .....yes, I am an ace with an iron, wouldn’t let DH near one however, ( not that he has ever tried to wrest it from me.)

ps - to those that said let him put away his own damp washing, please don't. You will have to go out with him stinking. The smell of clothes that have been put away damp is disgusting! and men don't always notice such things!

Mine had to step in when I became ill just after he retired. Bless him. What would I have done without him as we had a houseful.

We have 2 machines and 2 driers and they were on most days. He never complained. I've taken it back on now and moan if he ever puts a load on as we do things differently but how dare I.

Never would've coped without him.

My husband learnt to use the washing machine about 5 years after he retired because he was going to have to do the washing as I was driving to England. (I must have been mad although I quite enjoyed it at the time) After that he would want to put the washing machine on for just a few items. I did teach him that you need to give each item a shake before hanging on the line and that there is no need to stretch the bottom of tee shirts to their full extent to hang them up. Since December he has had to do it all as I cant do much and he has been marvellous. Okay so he doesn't load the dishwasher my way but he loads it and empties it and I am not complaining. Must admit I wouldnt be happy to be woken at 5.30am for any reason let alone that the washing machine had finished it's cycle.

ElaineR55 I don't think i would have the patience to do that. I think anyway the poster has probably tried it. I think my husband would be told in no uncertain terms - No! you are not doing the laundry unless I ask for your help!! And keep reinforcing it. My husband also washes the dishes before putting in the dishwasher but not as much since I rewashed them as I wasnt sure they had been through the cycle or not because they were so clean. Find something for him to do like cleaning the shed. and lock him in.

For heavens sake, why are all you women telling their tales about useless husbands who can’t even manage to do the laundry adequately? You are like doting mums in the playground talking about small children.

Rather than humouring this hopelessness how about feeling guilty that for all these years you have had no expectation of ability from your partners.

There is a fairly even chance that in a few years time they won’t have you to run around doing things for them and they will have to cope alone, then what ? This is not an amusing situation.

You've made me realise how lucky I am. My husband does all the cooking and has done most of the ironing recently.
He's also great at all sorts of diy. And he won't take offence if I suggest a different way of doing things.
Your description of the situation did make me laugh, but it must actually be very frustrating.
Maybe you can try thanking him for putting the washing on and say it is a huge help. Then try to hang them up together and go to put them away together. You can offer advice or off-the-cuff comments like " I've found if I hang this from the bottom edge it won't need ironing etc. You could maybe identify something you know is smelly from being put away damp (or deliberately plant something) and then when you go to put away clothes together, ask his opinion - eg " I was just putting this t-shirt in the drawer when I noticed a funny smell. What do you think it is? Oh, it's this jumper. Come and smell it. Maybe we've put it away damp ( you know it's him not you) . It's hard sometimes to tell if things are damp or just cold - we better double-check in future"
Making things "we" instead of "you" might work?
Whatever approach you take, good luck!

My husband took on a few tasks at retirement .... the worst by far was the washing hung on the washing line exactly as they came out of machine.... socks still rolled up .... shirts with one button done up and twisted in on itself .... trousers or jeans with legs half rolled up and in inside out. And there they would all be hanging on the line when i got home from my six hour shift , bone dry and as I put it... wrecked! I then had to put them all through a rinse or economy wash to get them right. He never understood my irritability, even though I explained that ironing them was a chore. Gradually I asked him not to do the washing so now he sticks to hoovering and flicking g a feather duster around . Quite harmless really. Find a couple of tasks that he can’t mess up and let him make them his own. Good luck.

OP, I'd have his and hers laundry baskets, and tell him that in future he's doing ONLY his own laundry - plus any ironing he wants done. If things get creased/smelly etc. that'll be his lookout.

My dh was a complete stranger to laundry until he retired some time ago, but has recently started emptying the machine and hanging it all up. But he does it well enough.

I don't do much ironing any more - my own is usually on an ad hoc basis, so if he wants shirts ironed now he doesn't need them for work, , he can do it himself. Only I did have to explain (after he melted a new pair of shorts!) that it's necessary to check the label for the iron setting.