Worried about my grandson

My son was just the same. He couldn't even watch some things on CBeebies because it frightened him so much. I had to be very careful of anything that was on television due to his fears.

He is 18 and overcome all his fears, he will even watch horror films , something that even I won't do I wouldn't worry too much about your grandson, he will almost certainly grow out of it.

You are describing my lovely GD. She hates loud noises and being in noisy places, worries about things she hears and sees on the news. My daughter worries about her all the time and is also concerned about when she moves to high school next summer. Her primary school staff have been absolutely brilliant and also have a pastoral counsellor who helps when she gets a little anxious. My GD is the most sensitive, caring child I have ever known but I do worry that there are others out there who pick on people like her.

I think the Bach Flower Remedy Rock Rose may be a help to your grandson. You can look it up on the the Bach website, or contact me for more info. I have found the remedies very helpful over the years, and very helpful with childhood fears and worries. The Bach website has lots of information on them, how they work, safety etc.
www.bachcentre.com.

Thank you all again.
Optimist I’ve downloaded a free chapter on my kindle.
Thank you.
Granmary18. The link is very helpful. Have forwarded it to my daughter. Thanks!

When I was a kid most parents didn't even allow their children to watch the adult news. There was a special "Children's Newsreel" program that had the sanitised version for us. But of course it was easier to keep kids away in the days the news only came on for 15 minutes at 6pm and 9pm.

I think this is normal consideing the world we live in, terrorist attacks knife and gun crime, no wonder the litle boy is scared, I think we all are in a way but can cope with things which a nine year old cant be expected to.There are nice books he can read, and not focus on TV reports, newspapers etc which make the world an even worse place if you read everything.I am sure he will feel safer as he grows up with the right support from home and School and a lovely Grandmother too.

Thank you all so much for your replies and support. It’s good to know that it’s not unusual at this age. I think it’s really important to acknowledge that his fears are real and not to dismiss them as being “silly” . I will take up all your suggestions including the web site and the parenting book.
No, Jalimall108 he doesn’t use the Internet unsupervised (yet). I think you have a point about the news. Will mention that to his parents.
Thank you all again

Sometimes it is a type of sensory overload. I am a counsellor and if a distressing programme is about to be shown on TV, I switch over to another side quickly. Real life throws up enough sad and difficult situations and my head needs a break from that stuff when I get home to enable me to give a professional service when I am working. Perhaps your Grandson feels that negotiating growing up is enough for him without having to expend emotional energy on situations he cannot control. He is finding his own coping mechanisms.

Whiteanemone.
My apologies. Your nine not six year old GC.My view does not alter so do not try and deal with it yourself but by those who have the experience.

Readymeals
It is NEVER to early in obtaining help for our six year old grandchildren and that they will in your words 'come to terms with / face up to it/work it out
How many adults were they helped, in their early years , not now have to face up to what could have been dealt with during early development?.
There is help 21C for child hood fears and how to deal with them than when my own were at school. I believe had this help been around when my eldest unbeknown to myself was hiding in the junior school toilets rather than going to class or not turning up for class at all could have been dealt with before getting out of hand therefor these fears even now surfacing / invading adult life..
What a sad world were we all to believe that at six years old a child will 'find his own way,/come to terms/ it will go away. when observing 'childhood fears'

Does he have obsessional tendencies and superstitions (objects having to be placed a certain way, having to count to a particular number in relation to things, checking, germs)? If so, the anxiety about seeing or hearing ‘bad things’ could be a sign of obsessive, compulsive disorder. If it is that, he may be harbouring a fear that if he sees/reads about bad things, they will happen to someone he loves. I suggest asking him about all of the above. You can’t make the problem worse by talking about it. If you then think it may be OCD, then take him to the GP and ask for a referral to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team.

I thought it was normal to be frightened of 'scary things'. I know I don't like to watch violence and upset on tv or read about it. It can haunt me for a long time. He sounds like a sensible sensitive boy. A grandson to be proud of. I think too many people including children are desensitized by all that is happening in the world and all the fiction and games that are available.

One of my DG started having anxiety in the last year of Junior school. He is a wonderful little man, intelligent, kind, thoughtful and sensitive. Going into Senior School it started to get worse, with all the changes they experience internally and externally at that age, it’s quite common. So we paid for him to have a few sessions with a counsellor and my goodness what a difference it has made .... we now have our charming, lovely and confident boy back.

You could be describing me at the age of nine! I think a nine year old with a vivid imagination still finds it difficult to distinguish between fairy -tales and real life and between fiction, tv series and real life.

So they get scared by people dying in films or books, because they are old enough to comprehend that death is irreversible, that some people do horrible things to others etc.

Let him choose books he finds pleasant and avoid anything that upsets him. Why should he or anyone be forced to read anything they hate?

It's very common for boys to prefer theory books and I guess as information books they can stand being read over and over.

My DD was like this at around the same age. She got particularly upset about things on the news. Also whether her dad and I would die or divorce (we did neither!). She came through the phase and is now a very caring nurse. Lots of good advice here. Best wishes and

I wouldn't worry about it at this age. He will most likely find his own ways to face up to things. If he's still struggling in a year's time, then someone could ask him if he'd like some help. You might have to pay privately - I think child counselling has a long waiting list. But I reckon he'll come to terms with life before long - not all kids are streetwise thugs by 6 years old lol.

What a lovely lad. Why should he read books that are unpleasant to him?

One day he may decide to face his fears, but let him work it through himself, with lots of encouragement from you.

I think it must be normal and related to their heightened imagination at that age. My GS is 7 and is petrified of suits of armour and stuffed animals and doesn’t like going into museums or NT properties in case they have them. I’m confident he’ll grow out if it though as will your GS.

nipinthebud.org/child-mental-health-conditions/recognising-anxiety

You might find this link helpful

My daughter is a schools counsellor and comes across this quite often.... she tries to help these children ...and surprisingly it’s usually boys ... threats whatever you feel about something is a genuine feeling and should be acknowledged. She also tells them that she and her younger brother would hide behind the sofa when the childcather from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang came on the screen..... even now at 42 she shuts her eyes when she sees him. It makes them feel at ease to k ow that adults still ha e fears that have followed them through to adulthood. Even psychologists. We’re all freaked out by something. Your darling little grandson will eventually. grow out of his fears and toughen up a little.

I am with you B9exchange. Why expose yourself willingly to unpleasant books/films. I guess we have to acknowledge though that life cannot possibly always be a bed of roses but you can choose how you react/behave.

My son used to hide behind the sofa when Dr Who was on.
Now he is a doctor and has to deal with very ill people and death every day. Yet he remains a happy positive person and has 3 lovely children .
I don't like violence on TV but last night I watched a German film called "Downfall" about the last days of Hitler. Absolutely full of violence but so interesting to see Hitler gradually getting worse and worse, madder and madder.... First German film I have ever seen. .

B9exchange no, you're not. I've always found it weird that people watch murders etc on tv FOR pleasure. First noticed it years ago watching Tom and Jerry would you believe. Anyway re this little chap - so long as the avoidance does not stop him leading a pretty normal life - no worries. If it does start to really stop him doing things he needs to do - then it is time to work out better ways of coping. When I have a problem it is because the avoidance of these 'inputs' pile up or coincide with busy time of the year (Christmas). Then it is time to 'edit' so one can cope. Bit of confidence boosting goes a long way.

I was like that, to a lesser degree, as a child. I would hide behind a chair when the bad witch came on in the Wizard of Oz, if they started talking about medieval torture in school I would put my fingers in my ears and quietly say 'la la la' until it finished. I got over it mostly as I grew up and now realise it was the horror of the person being tortured that affects me most. I would not watch the wonderful Shawshank Redemption film for years, until I finally was able to record it and fast forward through the unpleasant parts. Just last week, I was watching Baptiste with a friend and had to leave the room when the bad guy brought out a chainsaw! I have been helped enormously by watching documentaries about how they make films, and special effects etc, but I am just a tender hearted person and have found ways to cope.