Dying Friend

willa45 What a loving friend you are.

Oh! So glad the visit was a success!

I agree with maryeliza, not to have too many expectations - A friend of mine died last month, but prior to her death she appreciated conversation, a listening ear, laughter and the freedom to break down and cry and to be tired and left to rest - The photos are a good idea ..

Mission accomplished! Just got back and wanted to share. We had a wonderful visit reminiscing about old times.

My dear friend has lost some weight and seems more frail, but she still looks good despite her condition. We ate, we laughed, took a few selfies and talked a lot about world politics, math exams, old flames, family, friends, our alma mater and even our dearly departed pets.

We had particular fun exchanging 'war' stories about one former Mother Superior. If you were ever confronted by a formidable teacher (or nun) who exacted discipline with a threatening yardstick, then you probably knew her too.

The 'goody' bag turned out to be quite a success! I included a lovely box of fine chocolates, some embossed stationery, a generous tube of Almond scented hand lotion and a zippered cosmetic pouch with 2 lipsticks, 3 shades of powdered blush with brush, a mascara wand and a (sample size) flask of spray cologne.

Even if I don't get another chance to see her, I will look back upon how she was today and have no reason to be saddened.

there is a brilliant website called 'Not another bunch of flowers' - founded by a cancer patient who discovered flowers were not allowed in her hospital! There are some very thoughtful presents to be found there.

Thank you for all these wonderful suggestions. So many good ideas that I may just use more than one of them and fit them all into a 'goody' bag.

Grateful for all my virtual friends and will be sure to let you know how it goes.

Whatever you take, try to have a conversation whilst you are there, about things she likes, or misses now she is in residential care.

Then, when you are home, you can put together a box of goodies and memories and a card to say how much you enjoyed seeing her.

I think time is the best gift.

Also a nice wrap that she could have round her shoulders or over her legs when necessary

Lovely ideas
You could take nail polishing items and give her a hand massage as well as a manicure and pedicure.
The most precious gift will be you

Hand cream, face cream, and tissues. Certainly nothing perfumed. I think the idea of notecards and stamps is excellent.

One gift that always is appreciated is a box of note cards and stamps.
Perhaps your friend has things she would like to say and share and in this day and age a written note is always a joy.
If she cannot write them herself maybe you could help whilst you are with her?
Take care xx

I agree with all those who suggest taking happy memories with you, that is all she has now.

Perhaps she has a relative you could ask or ask the care home. If everyone who visits has the same ideas she could end up with loads of hand creme or perfume or whatever! I know some people are quite fussy about perfumes and I am about hand creme. It would be good to get something she really would like.

Perhaps when you are there you could be guided by her about what she wants to talk about. That would give her the chance to decide whether to pour out her heart, discuss old times or even talk about what she wants for her funeral. I know I tend to prattle on too much when not sure what to say!

For your sake I hope it goes well.

There are lots of beautiful colouring books for adults. My housebound friend, in her 90s, finds them very relaxing and fun to do.

I really like this from Maryeliza54:

"Don’t have too many preconceived expectations of what you hope to achieve - lifting her spirits and cheering her up. If she cries, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed - she may need to do that and talking of old memories may be very bitter sweet. Try and really listen to her - the words and the music behind the words. The idea of the photos is lovely - how she reacts to them will give you a cue as to what she wants from the visit. The fact that she welcomes visitors is very positive. I hope your visit goes well for both of you."

Try this website, they may have just what you are looking for.
www.notanotherbunchofflowers.com/?gclid=CjwKCAjwtYXmBRAOEiwAYsyl3BoSrYCSR-mMiPhu36H-D1x0pt7RGQfCzATiMYwscZQpXTO6YJDpRBoCjIwQAvD_BwE

If you have any yearbooks from your school days, I'm sure she'd enjoy reminiscing about those with you.

Write down all the memories you have in a lovely note book. Try and recall happy ,sad ,funny tales. Then perhaps all the reasons she has been special to you.
I would tell her all these as well but leave the book for her quiet times

I visited my dying friend days before she died and I took myself and our memories to her.

Love the evocative hand cream idea.

I gave my daughter's MiL a starter pack of special hair care when she was diagnosed with cancer and would be undergoing chemo, don't know if this is the case with your friend.

When she went into the hospice I sent a lovely scented candle. lovely soap would also be welcomed.

Book token, or a few magazines about something she's interested in? I expect she has time on her hands

My friend appreciated a lovely handcream as she said every time she used it for months it reminded her of my visit and lasted a lot longer than flowers. I think nice chocolates are also a treat.

A not-too-fussy eat de toilette is a good idea I think.

I don’t know how much you want to spend but my mother’s favourite gift when she was in your friend’s position was an extremely comfy cushion.
The filling was wool and mohair and she said it was the best cushion she’d ever had. It wasn’t a “fat” cushion - rather it was extremely soft - yet because of the filling it didn’t squash too much. She was extremely grateful as she lost a lot of weight.
She used it daily until she passed away.

Yes the Tili boxes from QVC are great. £20.