Dying Friend

You are the gift she will delight in willa, but flowers are always welcome too. I find with my care home residents that they cherish cards they are given, so perhaps write her a card to say why you have valued her friendship and leave it for her to read after you’ve left.

If you have any photographs of your schooldays or childhood hometown she might enjoy going through them with you. Is there time to copy them put together a little album? Just reminiscing about old times will be special though.
Not going to be easy for you, but how lovely that you can go to see her.

Maw's idea of photos is good, maybe with a small plant. You friend might like some hand cream as well.

Think any photographs would be lovely and again the flowers speak volumes good luck with the visit always hard in this situation.

Perfume?

My husband very much appreciated a set of wildlife dvds, if you know something she is interested in.

It may give you something to watch together if the conversation gets difficult.

I love QVC “Tili” boxes £20 delivered and each box comes filled with beautiful cosmetics, some full size and some travel size. The brands are always high end such as Elemis and Rituals. The contents value is usually between £60 and £80.
A lovely treat.

Don’t have too many preconceived expectations of what you hope to achieve - lifting her spirits and cheering her up. If she cries, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed - she may need to do that and talking of old memories may be very bitter sweet. Try and really listen to her - the words and the music behind the words. The idea of the photos is lovely - how she reacts to them will give you a cue as to what she wants from the visit. The fact that she welcomes visitors is very positive. I hope your visit goes well for both of you.

I have a friend who is frequently, unfortunately, hospitalised and particularly enjoys trays of nuts and dried fruit that she can pick at. Last time I had an operation the most welcome gifts were a puzzle book, a box of fresh fruit and some magazines and journals.
I am sorry about your friend and hope you can have a meaningful visit with her. Best wishes to you both.

Yes the Tili boxes from QVC are great. £20.

I don’t know how much you want to spend but my mother’s favourite gift when she was in your friend’s position was an extremely comfy cushion.
The filling was wool and mohair and she said it was the best cushion she’d ever had. It wasn’t a “fat” cushion - rather it was extremely soft - yet because of the filling it didn’t squash too much. She was extremely grateful as she lost a lot of weight.
She used it daily until she passed away.

A not-too-fussy eat de toilette is a good idea I think.

My friend appreciated a lovely handcream as she said every time she used it for months it reminded her of my visit and lasted a lot longer than flowers. I think nice chocolates are also a treat.

Book token, or a few magazines about something she's interested in? I expect she has time on her hands

I gave my daughter's MiL a starter pack of special hair care when she was diagnosed with cancer and would be undergoing chemo, don't know if this is the case with your friend.

When she went into the hospice I sent a lovely scented candle. lovely soap would also be welcomed.

Love the evocative hand cream idea.

I visited my dying friend days before she died and I took myself and our memories to her.

Write down all the memories you have in a lovely note book. Try and recall happy ,sad ,funny tales. Then perhaps all the reasons she has been special to you.
I would tell her all these as well but leave the book for her quiet times

If you have any yearbooks from your school days, I'm sure she'd enjoy reminiscing about those with you.

Try this website, they may have just what you are looking for.
www.notanotherbunchofflowers.com/?gclid=CjwKCAjwtYXmBRAOEiwAYsyl3BoSrYCSR-mMiPhu36H-D1x0pt7RGQfCzATiMYwscZQpXTO6YJDpRBoCjIwQAvD_BwE

I really like this from Maryeliza54:

"Don’t have too many preconceived expectations of what you hope to achieve - lifting her spirits and cheering her up. If she cries, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed - she may need to do that and talking of old memories may be very bitter sweet. Try and really listen to her - the words and the music behind the words. The idea of the photos is lovely - how she reacts to them will give you a cue as to what she wants from the visit. The fact that she welcomes visitors is very positive. I hope your visit goes well for both of you."

There are lots of beautiful colouring books for adults. My housebound friend, in her 90s, finds them very relaxing and fun to do.

I agree with all those who suggest taking happy memories with you, that is all she has now.

Perhaps she has a relative you could ask or ask the care home. If everyone who visits has the same ideas she could end up with loads of hand creme or perfume or whatever! I know some people are quite fussy about perfumes and I am about hand creme. It would be good to get something she really would like.

Perhaps when you are there you could be guided by her about what she wants to talk about. That would give her the chance to decide whether to pour out her heart, discuss old times or even talk about what she wants for her funeral. I know I tend to prattle on too much when not sure what to say!

For your sake I hope it goes well.

One gift that always is appreciated is a box of note cards and stamps.
Perhaps your friend has things she would like to say and share and in this day and age a written note is always a joy.
If she cannot write them herself maybe you could help whilst you are with her?
Take care xx