Friends with adult children

Thanks all, that was really reassuring

I think it is maybe the problem for the parents; not wishing to accept their children have grown or part with them perhaps?

I think we all know people like this? I used to send birthday/christmas cards to 'children' who are now in their 40's! married with children of their own ...and never got
one back from them but from the parents...still! lol

So I stopped including them...but parents STILL include them lol

Still....not a thing to worry about unduly. Each to their own...type of thing.

I think this custom is very odd, especially when the writer says " love from..." when I'm quite certain the writer's children don't love me.

I’d be very annoyed to find out my family were signing my name to cards!!

I recently had to remind my father that my family news was NOT to be shared with an aunt who apparently regrets cutting me off. He fussed and moaned, but she knows how to reach me should she actually want to make amends for abandoning our relationship, and blaming me for it despite me being a child at the time.

As an adult, if I want to send cards/keep in touch with people, I will.

Notanan2 thank you so much. I agree that there is no point me raising it with the ‘offender’ as you say either fantasying or whatever so button my lip. And also about animal companions to those that know and like them ... well anyone. It reinforces the fact that they are your companions and no one is confused

I send cards from just me nowadays but at Christmas I include a 'round robin' letter with news of my AC too so that is sent from all of us - but only to friends and family that know them. What I find odd is work colleagues who write Christmas cards from X and family when I don't even know their family's names!

There's no major problem with pets, some might find it twee but so what, if you are friends with an animal lover expect to hear about animals its par fot the course.

Its not going to cause any confusion or issues, no body is really going to think that fluffy actually sends his congratulations so carry on with the pet signatures if it makes you happy

I do it, maybe out of habit. And yes, I used to add dog’s name to some. If they were a fan of him. But this year I’m seriously trimming card list. And signatures! Take too long.

I have to admit that I have always found the idea of including the name of anyone that the recipient had never met a strange one.
Hence many of my cards sent over the years didn’t even mention my husband, let alone the children! (to colleagues etc)
Or is it me that’s out of step here..............! Hmmm ?

I dont think there is any point in putting the writer on the spot.

Either they are being controlling and deceptive, in which case they'll probably maintain their lie

Or its a sensitive matter (like my friend who didnt like to admit that her OH wasnt friendly with her friends)

Or they don't see the issue and their AC know and are fine with it.

So nothing to be gained by challenging it whatever the motivation behind it

I think its fine (and nice) to ask for or get news of ACs or write news about ACs. Its just misleading to pass regards that havent been given.

Unfortunately you cant assume that families communicate. Even many "close" families are terrible at communicating and passing on messages its not just a NC thing! If you want your regards passed to someone, best find out how to contact them directly.

But what can we do about it ??

I think just be aware if it. And if there is an AC you want to be in contact with, contact them directly and dont assume that just because you are getting cards signed from them from their parents address, that that is the AC's correspondence address, unless you are sure they livs there. Only reply to the person or people you KNOW lives there, and if you are fond of their AC try to find out their address or phone number and drop them a direct line.

God knows how many other people have thought that my DMs address was my correspondence address over the years, I only know about the ones I know about! I once broached the subject with her and was told that it was none of my business.

There may be other people who thought they were keeping in touch with me by replying to the address that the cards from "me" came from? Who knows?

Weirdly enough I posted this because it has just been my birthday and two of my friends had included as I said... then today got another card from ex SIL and she included her 50 year old daughter who quite stagily broke off all relations with our family 25 years ago... is she really wishing me a happy birthday? No. It is a weird phenomenon and as many of you above have said can cause more problems than it ever solves. But what can we do about it ??

I did the same as Paddyanne, included them whilst they lived at home, including their years at university. As soon they left ‘forever’ I stopped including them. However, I didn’t include them at all on cards to people they sent their own cards to ie my parents who were of course their grandparents. They always sent their own cards to close family members, at first they made them, later they bought them.

(although while I understand why she did it, it was still humiliating at the time to have a gift returned & to be berrated for it!)

This is a bit off topic but similar: we once got approached by someone we know who said "please stop giving me christmas gifts, It's awkward because I don't know you that well and I hoped you would get the hint with me not giving you presents in return but you havent so I feel I have to now say something because it's getting awkward and I would rather you didnt"
^ or words to that effect. It was a while ago.

Thing is, we WERE getting gifts from him, and thought we were reciprocating. His partner (who we DID know well enough to swap gifts with) had been signing his name on gifts from him to us for years and he didnt know! She still does even now that we just address gifts to her after the "situation" with her partner...

Its not fair on anyone.
I didnt at the time persue the point with that couple that we HAD in fact been recieving gifts from "him" because I think his partner was trying to lie to herself more than anyone else as he was one of those men who makes no effort with his partners friends or family.... so I dont think she was misleading us so much as trying to put forward an image of a united front for herself IYKWIM as the partners in the rest of the friendship group were all welcoming and friendly to their wives friends

But it shows you how problematic signing another adults name can be if it is not truely a shared card or gift!

Witzend, if you know that your DDs wouldng send cards to those people, why are you pretending that they ARE sending their best wishes/love/condolences/congratulations etc, when you know that they have no intention of doing so?

I would add them if they'd known dds well - and I knew dds would never send a card themselves, since they were 'our' friends.
To very close family I would add our dog and cat! Have even been known to send my mother or other very close family, a card just from dog and cat.

One Christmas I gave dh a particularly nice card with birds, from the little feathered friends whose feeders he's constantly topping up in the garden.

I got a wedding invite from an extended family member who I hadnt heard a whisper from in years. They had moved years ago and I never got their new address. Was very confused by the invite as it was a smallish wedding. Why invite me? We havent had any contact in years?

Turned out they thought we had remained close and in touch!! My DM had been signing my name on their birthday/christmas/new job/new baby cards and had recieved new address/new baby notifications addresses to us both at her address in return.

This relative thought we had been in touch all that time when I hadnt heard a whisper from them in years and didnt even have their address to send them a Christmas card! They THOUGHT they were sending ME christmas cards by replying to the address cards from "me" were coming from.

They thought I had cared about their life events: new babies, new jobs, new houses... when in fact I hadnt even known about them! Let alone sent my love/regards.

So please DONT do it unless you have specifically discussed that particular event with your AC and they have ASKED you to pass on their regards too.

Not from my AC but I include my DH.
Actually I have sent C'cards from us and family.

A very good old family friend told me he really appreciated that our AS sends him a C'card each year. I didn't know.

Yes. It's odd.

When my not so "D"M used to sign my name on cards, even though she and I were NOT close, it led some people to believe that her address was my "home" address... and I found out down the line that some people who I thought had stopped keeping in touch with ME, actually thought they WERE in touch with me all along by replying via my "D"Ms address to us both...

I think it is disingenous to say that someone sends their love/best wishes/congratulations/sympathies unless they actually do, and agree to sending a joint card.

It's not fair on the AC to speak for them unless they specifically ask you to, or on the recipient, if it isnt true!

I have a friend who does this on her Christmas cards, despite the fact that both daughters left home years ago, live in different parts of the country, and one is married with a child; the spouse and child are also included.

I think it's odd but I still do it myself.

Do you discuss this with your adult children?