Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Friends with adult children

(62 Posts)
grannygranby Sun 28-Apr-19 15:00:20

I have a couple of friends, well I see them as friends, who when they send me birthday or Xmas wishes always include the names of their adult children as well. I think this is odd, does anyone else?
I see mysel as personal friends of them and wouldn’t dream of adding my adult children’s names.

paddyann Sun 28-Apr-19 15:15:15

when mine were still at home I always incuded their names on Christmas cards son was almost 29 when he left home .Now depending who its to I sometimes add my GD who lives half the week with us ,but not on every card .

FarNorth Sun 28-Apr-19 15:22:00

When my adult daughter lived with me, I would only include her name on a card if it was to someone she knew well.

Do your friends' ACs live with them? If not, it seems strange to include their names.

MiniMoon Sun 28-Apr-19 15:30:30

I stopped putting my children's names on cards as soon as they'd left home. I haven't done it for years.
My sister still puts her adult daughters' name on cards, but then they are still living at home, with no prospect of either of them earning enough to get a place of their own.

yggdrasil Sun 28-Apr-19 15:32:32

Adult is adult. My mother had a tendency to send cards or even once a wedding present in my name, even after I had left home. On the grounds that "I might forget".
It took a bit of a row to tell her it wasn't her business, and I hadn't had any contact with my cousin the wedding man for about 15 years.

GrandmaMoira Sun 28-Apr-19 15:33:05

I always put my name "and family" if the person I'm sending it to knows the adult children well e.g. was around when they were growing up.

Day6 Sun 28-Apr-19 15:39:37

Most cards are from just us, unless the family concerned knows the children well. My AC don't send cards or greetings to our old friends so I say (separately) that X X X and X also send their good wishes/love. As we do speak about these people when family are together, it's ok in my book. Our old friends tend to be their old (family) friends too, as they were around when they were growing up.

To others, cards are sent from me and OH only.

Sara65 Sun 28-Apr-19 15:44:33

I find it odd, I don’t add my children’s names to cards, if they want to send one it’s up to them.
I have a friend who not only adds her long left home children’s names, but their partners, and Their children, people I’m unlikely ever to meet, crazy!

notanan2 Sun 28-Apr-19 15:46:40

Ah. My mother used to do that and we were almost no contact.

I dont think "normal" families do that, no. Not after 18 ish

BlueBelle Sun 28-Apr-19 16:00:48

How very strange I ve never done that since they were small if they know the person well enough and want to, they would send their own I m not their ambassador

M0nica Sun 28-Apr-19 16:05:51

Never add childrens names, or 'and family'

Send cards with my name alone to personal friends whom DH doesn't know, orknow well.

nanny2507 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:38:48

when my dd was younger and had a BF If they had been together for a while i would put his name on any was like the kiss of death to her relationships!!!. Now my kids are grown up they can buy their own cards...they are no longer hi-jacking my friends

Urmstongran Sun 28-Apr-19 16:39:11

Exactly the Same as you MOnica

Sara65 Sun 28-Apr-19 16:51:24

I agree, my hand aches so much from writing Christmas cards as it is! If I had to add the world and his wife, I think I’d lose the will to live!

grannygranby Sun 28-Apr-19 16:51:46

Good thank you. Although I don’t feel I could raise it with either of them without appearing very rude so glad to have got it off my chest.
Whether meant or not it distances the message because if you rarely have even met these adult children it is hardly a close personal greeting. All in all rather formal and perhaps place putting.
In both cases I think they have a too intrusive relationship with their AC. But you can’t say that either. They only go on holiday with them etc or house sit when they do; both have children living abroad.. and the ones here..totally at beck and call. The ACs are in their 40’s.

I used to really wish my mum had closer friendships and didn't emotionally only rely on my brother and me. Because there were times in our life we wanted to be free. Perhaps that’s why it gets me!

sodapop Sun 28-Apr-19 16:57:41

No, let adult children buy and write their own cards if they wish to. The clue is in the name
'Adult children'

Deedaa Sun 28-Apr-19 20:48:51

I include my adult children on three or four cards to people that we have all known for years.

SueDonim Sun 28-Apr-19 23:33:10

Depends who a card is to. I still include my youngest Dd sometimes because she's a student and doesn't have her own settled home yet. If the recipient has never met my dd, I wouldn't include her name then. Ditto in that I have some friends who have never met Dh - I don't include him, either! grin

ninathenana Mon 29-Apr-19 09:09:06

Three or four people we know will include DS on cards as he still lives at home. I include a friend's DD as I've known her all her life and she still lives at home.
I do write Christmas cards to a couple of dear friends "To Bob, Sue and family" "From Mary, Fred and family because we all know each other.
I don't include AC on birthday cards I write, as has been said, they can send their own.

travelsafar Mon 29-Apr-19 09:10:53

I usually put from , my name and DH name and family if it is someone who knew my AC from a young age.

crazyH Mon 29-Apr-19 09:17:33

Same as Grandma Moira .....I have just posted a bday card for my And added 'and family', but I don't do this for friends of mine, who my children hardly know and they are adults now anyway .

Bathsheba Mon 29-Apr-19 09:19:11

No, never. I stopped adding my AC's names when they left home, in their 20s.

Nor do I expect to receive Christmas cards addressed to me, my DH and my AC - I would find that extremely odd.

luluaugust Mon 29-Apr-19 10:07:30

No never now, for a few years when they were coming and going I might put "and family" as they were in the house.

dublingran Mon 29-Apr-19 10:43:13

I wouldn’t but I have a SIL who does - plus her dogs!!

Coco51 Mon 29-Apr-19 10:47:58

My cousin also includes her dog and cat!