Worried about grandson

Thank you very much for all your good advice and reassurance ?

I completely agree with you Minerva we do expect so very much of our little ones ,starting school at 4years old,sitting silently in class etc.When it has been proven especially for boys that they have little electrical impulses in their brains that makes them kick their arms or legs out & are then counted as naughty boys & little girls as good. It makes me quite sad for them as other countries don't start formal education until seven.

I believe it is quite common for six year old boys, especially, but some girls as well to wet themselves because they don't want to stop whatever they are doing to go to the toilet. Sooner or later they grow out of it, usually when they become self-conscious about wetting themselves.

Perhaps your daughter would consider working out exactly how long it takes her son to wash, dress etc and be ready to go to school. The child might as well learn now that on a school day when Mummy tells him to get ready, he has to do so NOW.

When he is at home after school playing there is no need to be so strict about doing things when he is told, but try sending him to wee before he starts a game and before sitting down to a meal. Mummies usually have a very good sense of how often their kiddies need to wee.

I was also going to say, have you considered dyspraxia. Might be worth getting him tested for that as well if you really are concerned.

He sounds like my grandson who has high functioning autism and hypermobility. He used to wet himself rather than use the toilet if he was really engrossed in some activity or other. He uses the toilet appropriately now as he is 8.
All of my grandchildren are home educated as the school they were in didn't know how to deal with my two middle grandsons, and my DD was fed up with going in to school, sometimes four or five times a day to comfort boys having a meltdown.
I hope you find a resolution to his problems soon.
My grandsons are thriving, learning, much happier boys now.

Please also consider dyspraxia. Not as common as dyslexia. My daughter has dyspraxia which affects her motor skills, short term memory and her ability to organise herself. She also has Aspergers which affect her social skills. Lots to think about. Good luck with Dx

Mine was diagnosed with ADHD. With the emphasis on the "attention deficit". He can't concentrate on something unless he finds it interesting. That means play is interesting but lessons aren't. The hyperactivity comes into play too!

I know your grandson is only 6, but it might be that he is also on the autistic spectrum. What you have described is eerily similar to my GS, now 12, when he was 6/7/8yrs. He was eventually diagnosed as high functioning autism with additional learning difficulties. He understands everything being taught but struggle to write it down. Another aid is to write down what he says then let him type it up on the computer, all his own work with a little help. This is also a major indicator of dyslexia which is often overlooked and can be helped by a TA who writes down what he tells them, even during exams. The intense concentration and wetting are also an indication of both as are the meltdowns.
The school SEN, ((Special Educational needs) teachers should be able to work with your daughter and GS to help him cope with school work.

Welcome Susanna. As Readymeals has said its best if you start a new thread so that we can all focus on your problem All the best.

As for Nanahoody's grandson, he sounds a bit like my nephew's son who has been diagnosed with a type of autism.

Just out of curiousity Nanahoody. Is he a summer born baby or Autumn.There is often a huge difference in maturity and behaviour with summer and autumn born children. The behaviour you talk about eg wetting when engrossed in play is quite common in younger children . Maybe give him the warning that in five mins you need to stop what you're doing and go to the toilet. Does he not show the usual signs of needing the toilet eg wriggling about / grabbing his u know what. This is what my six year old grandson does.

Honestly he's pretty normal. School is SO full on - complex confusing, too many people, too much noise - have you been in a classroom lately? He is probably chronically over tired. Let him be 'whatever' at home. He needs quiet, calm, no pressure. (just my private thoughts)

Susannahf it would be better if you started a new thread for your problem, as it will get lost in this conversation about a little boy's behaviour

Nanna, you’ve just described my granddaughter a year ago, wetting rather than rushing of to bathroom, not getting dressed when told, even though were in a rush and school starts in 20 mins. Not eating breakfast , then wanting it the moment you’ve shut the door behind you, not listening to instructions. Nightmare from 6- 7 ,. She’s now seven and half.... and what a difference a year has made. Dig in , batten down the hatches.... all I can say is give him plenty of time to do as you want and we found 10 minute then 5 minute countdowns seem to work... then 2 mins. It does seem to work.As for writing.... cut him a break ... he’s only six.

I find it interesting that you said he gets deep into his play and doesn't want to be interrupted, and yet in the same post you say he has a short attention span! Is the reality that he has a long attention span for activities he finds enjoyable, and a short span for things he wishes he wasn't doing? Sounds like me lol - though I do prefer dry knickers.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Disgruntled I was about to say the same thing. In the UK we put 4 year olds in to school and they have to conform in a completely unnatural way, sitting cross legged on the floor, walking though corridors in single file with their hands behind their backs and trying to understand what is a split digraph (magic ‘e’ when I was at school). I was greeted by my just 5 year old grandson with the information that he had wet his trousers at playtime “but they dried so quickly Nanny?”. He said he was playing a game and just forgot to go. Between 4 and 7 they have just so much growing up to do, accelerated unnaturally by the education system. No wonder some children find it just too much.

I echo what everyone says, and will add the reminder that in lots of countries children don't start school till they're 7. I think Steiner had a lot to say about it (but I can't remember it, sorry). Good luck x

Thank you so much lovely gransnetters ? and for all your wise words - have passed them on and my daughter has been to see his teacher again and they are going to screen for dyslexia xx

My son who is almost 39 was exactly the same, almost every photo we have of him as a child he has a damp patch on his trousers or shorts as he would rather play out than come in for the loo! Every teacher made comments such as ‘if only he would concentrate instead of mucking around’, if only he would settle down. I used to sit outside the classroom like a naughty child every parent teacher evening absolutely terrified of what they were going to say to me!
He’s a lawyer,so chill! He will get there in the end, try not to worry.

I agree, when my son was diagnosed, people were really sympathetic! And acted like it was the end of the world, I mean it’s hardly life threatening!

It was a long road, hard at times, but he now has a successful career and you’d have no idea of his past problems, though some of his spellings can still be a little weird!

Probably not the case with your boy, but if it is, don’t despair

Not for all Bradford I have two dyslexic granddaughters (cousins) neither got help from the coloured overlays /glasses however one is now a teacher and the other heading for (fingers crossed ) 6th form and the sciences
Don’t worry it ll all sort out

If by any chance he does have dyslexia, there are glasses which help. Some information here:

www.dyslexia-reading-well.com/dyslexia-glasses.html

Thank you very much for your reply x?

Thanks - yes his mum saw the gp and he is seeing the bladder hospital nurses - thank you for your advice x

We are ALL totally different he is just showing his way he’s probably very bright and very focused accept him as he is he will work his own way through it in his own speed
Far TOO much emphasis on expecting kids to do all the same things at the same time in life He’s 6 He’s finding his way I have one grandson who was so focused a fire could have raged round him an another who would be so conscious of every little sound he’s be interrupted by a butterfly landing a mile away They are both healthy big strong working young men now
Let him be what he is