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Worried about grandson

(29 Posts)
Nanahoody Thu 16-May-19 22:15:55

Hi , am worried about my 6 year old grandson ( as is his mum) he is a lovely friendly boy but he beginning to fall behind at school, he struggles to write down work at school although when you talk to him he has good understanding. He finds any change very hard and will often become overwhelmed and have a bit of a melt down . He wants to play all the time rather than do what he should do eg get dressed, go to the loo etc and it’s more than you would expect for a 6 year old - he gets so deep in his play and fixed that he won’t do what he should be doing . We all try with rewards, boundaries etc and all the behaviour advice but it doesn’t help him to learn to manage his impulsivity or to do what he needs to do. He is day wetting and has seen the bladder and all is ok there but he says he’s doesn’t want to stop what he is doing to go to the toilet and that is why he wets. We are following all their advice. I do notice that he appears to have a short attention span and likes things to be on his terms or he struggles. If anyone is able to offer any advice or tips that helped with their child I would be very very grateful - thank you

jeanie99 Fri 17-May-19 02:18:26

Please take professional advice, see your GP for a referral.
It will be very distressing for your GS to be wetting during the day especially if it happens in school.

BradfordLass72 Fri 17-May-19 03:31:59

You're talking about my son smile

He was exactly like that and all the tests and such showed nothing but a bright young lad trying to cope with big changes in his life. And school is such a big change from his first 5, cruisy years.

At 6 he hasn't got the vocabulary nor the thought processes to to say, 'Well you know Mum, I like school but I have to concentrate really, really hard on everything and I'm not used to it yet, and there's so MUCH to learn so actually I just want to go back to the way I was and play." (or something similar.)

My son was so absorbed in whatever he was doing at home, it was as if he were in another world. He would often no even respond to hearing his name.

At school he could take in just so much - then seemed to switch off.

But as he progressed to 7 and 8, he learned to manage. I hope this is the same for your sweet boy.
We expect so much of little ones, don't we and at 6, he's only just past babyhood, bless him.

At that age they haven't quite grasped self-control in any form and most children will ignore what others want from them when it conflicts with what they want for themselves.

It's a bit early to test for dyslexia but the school can advise on that. Eye and ear problems too.

I'm sure you read to him and encourage his learning so he will grow into himself, as they say and as he sees his peers doing acceptable things, in the sort of time frames expected, he'll learn to do the same.

A short attention span is (sort of) proof that he needs to concentrate and focus more than other kids to get a task done and this can be very wearying and can easily lead to the sort of inattention to bodily functions as you describe. It did with my boy.

If you're worried, try not to show him you are but maybe talk to the school's counsellor, if they have one, or the Principal, usually an experienced teacher who's seen it all.

It worked out just fine for my son and I'm sure it will for your dgs too. smile

Sara65 Fri 17-May-19 07:35:26

I agree with Bradfordlass, he is only a very young boy, and in my experience of boys they always seem to get very absorbed in what they are doing, obviously not to the extent of day wetting, as Jeanie said, that could be very embarrassing for him at school

I wouldn’t rush to label him, but some aspects of his behaviour are very like my sons, as soon as he was expected to look at a reading book, or concentrate in class, he’d go into meltdown, and he was normally a very sweet placid little boy, after I spent a year battling with his school, and eventually moving him to a different school, he was diagnosed with quite severe dyslexia, as soon as he was being taught in a way he could understand, his behaviour improved dramatically

I hope you manage to get to the bottom of the problem, I know what a worry it can be

BlueBelle Fri 17-May-19 07:44:19

We are ALL totally different he is just showing his way he’s probably very bright and very focused accept him as he is he will work his own way through it in his own speed
Far TOO much emphasis on expecting kids to do all the same things at the same time in life He’s 6 He’s finding his way I have one grandson who was so focused a fire could have raged round him an another who would be so conscious of every little sound he’s be interrupted by a butterfly landing a mile away They are both healthy big strong working young men now
Let him be what he is

Nanahoody Fri 17-May-19 08:45:59

Thanks - yes his mum saw the gp and he is seeing the bladder hospital nurses - thank you for your advice x

Nanahoody Fri 17-May-19 08:47:17

Thank you very much for your reply x💐

BradfordLass72 Fri 17-May-19 08:54:35

If by any chance he does have dyslexia, there are glasses which help. Some information here:

BlueBelle Fri 17-May-19 09:50:38

Not for all Bradford I have two dyslexic granddaughters (cousins) neither got help from the coloured overlays /glasses however one is now a teacher and the other heading for (fingers crossed ) 6th form and the sciences
Don’t worry it ll all sort out

Sara65 Fri 17-May-19 10:09:44

I agree, when my son was diagnosed, people were really sympathetic! And acted like it was the end of the world, I mean it’s hardly life threatening!

It was a long road, hard at times, but he now has a successful career and you’d have no idea of his past problems, though some of his spellings can still be a little weird!

Probably not the case with your boy, but if it is, don’t despair

Jacqui1956 Sat 18-May-19 09:20:31

My son who is almost 39 was exactly the same, almost every photo we have of him as a child he has a damp patch on his trousers or shorts as he would rather play out than come in for the loo! Every teacher made comments such as ‘if only he would concentrate instead of mucking around’, if only he would settle down. I used to sit outside the classroom like a naughty child every parent teacher evening absolutely terrified of what they were going to say to me!
He’s a lawyer,so chill! He will get there in the end, try not to worry.

Nanahoody Sat 18-May-19 09:37:11

Thank you so much lovely gransnetters 💐 and for all your wise words - have passed them on and my daughter has been to see his teacher again and they are going to screen for dyslexia xx

Disgruntled Sat 18-May-19 09:41:31

I echo what everyone says, and will add the reminder that in lots of countries children don't start school till they're 7. I think Steiner had a lot to say about it (but I can't remember it, sorry). Good luck flowers x

Minerva Sat 18-May-19 10:04:18

Disgruntled I was about to say the same thing. In the UK we put 4 year olds in to school and they have to conform in a completely unnatural way, sitting cross legged on the floor, walking though corridors in single file with their hands behind their backs and trying to understand what is a split digraph (magic ‘e’ when I was at school). I was greeted by my just 5 year old grandson with the information that he had wet his trousers at playtime “but they dried so quickly Nanny🙂”. He said he was playing a game and just forgot to go. Between 4 and 7 they have just so much growing up to do, accelerated unnaturally by the education system. No wonder some children find it just too much.

Susannahf Sat 18-May-19 10:20:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReadyMeals Sat 18-May-19 10:28:31

I find it interesting that you said he gets deep into his play and doesn't want to be interrupted, and yet in the same post you say he has a short attention span! Is the reality that he has a long attention span for activities he finds enjoyable, and a short span for things he wishes he wasn't doing? Sounds like me lol - though I do prefer dry knickers.

Saggi Sat 18-May-19 10:35:54

Nanna, you’ve just described my granddaughter a year ago, wetting rather than rushing of to bathroom, not getting dressed when told, even though were in a rush and school starts in 20 mins. Not eating breakfast , then wanting it the moment you’ve shut the door behind you, not listening to instructions. Nightmare from 6- 7 ,. She’s now seven and half.... and what a difference a year has made. Dig in , batten down the hatches.... all I can say is give him plenty of time to do as you want and we found 10 minute then 5 minute countdowns seem to work... then 2 mins. It does seem to work.As for writing.... cut him a break ... he’s only six.

ReadyMeals Sat 18-May-19 10:41:18

Susannahf it would be better if you started a new thread for your problem, as it will get lost in this conversation about a little boy's behaviour

sandelf Sat 18-May-19 10:44:39

Honestly he's pretty normal. School is SO full on - complex confusing, too many people, too much noise - have you been in a classroom lately? He is probably chronically over tired. Let him be 'whatever' at home. He needs quiet, calm, no pressure. (just my private thoughts)

cheekychops61 Sat 18-May-19 10:47:47

Just out of curiousity Nanahoody. Is he a summer born baby or Autumn.There is often a huge difference in maturity and behaviour with summer and autumn born children. The behaviour you talk about eg wetting when engrossed in play is quite common in younger children . Maybe give him the warning that in five mins you need to stop what you're doing and go to the toilet. Does he not show the usual signs of needing the toilet eg wriggling about / grabbing his u know what. This is what my six year old grandson does.

Annaram1 Sat 18-May-19 11:26:04

Welcome Susanna. As Readymeals has said its best if you start a new thread so that we can all focus on your problem All the best.

As for Nanahoody's grandson, he sounds a bit like my nephew's son who has been diagnosed with a type of autism.

Jayelld Sat 18-May-19 11:54:47

I know your grandson is only 6, but it might be that he is also on the autistic spectrum. What you have described is eerily similar to my GS, now 12, when he was 6/7/8yrs. He was eventually diagnosed as high functioning autism with additional learning difficulties. He understands everything being taught but struggle to write it down. Another aid is to write down what he says then let him type it up on the computer, all his own work with a little help. This is also a major indicator of dyslexia which is often overlooked and can be helped by a TA who writes down what he tells them, even during exams. The intense concentration and wetting are also an indication of both as are the meltdowns.
The school SEN, ((Special Educational needs) teachers should be able to work with your daughter and GS to help him cope with school work.

Chinesecrested Sat 18-May-19 12:23:42

Mine was diagnosed with ADHD. With the emphasis on the "attention deficit". He can't concentrate on something unless he finds it interesting. That means play is interesting but lessons aren't. The hyperactivity comes into play too!

Nograndsyet Sat 18-May-19 13:11:29

Please also consider dyspraxia. Not as common as dyslexia. My daughter has dyspraxia which affects her motor skills, short term memory and her ability to organise herself. She also has Aspergers which affect her social skills. Lots to think about. Good luck with Dx

MiniMoon Sat 18-May-19 14:32:17

He sounds like my grandson who has high functioning autism and hypermobility. He used to wet himself rather than use the toilet if he was really engrossed in some activity or other. He uses the toilet appropriately now as he is 8.
All of my grandchildren are home educated as the school they were in didn't know how to deal with my two middle grandsons, and my DD was fed up with going in to school, sometimes four or five times a day to comfort boys having a meltdown.
I hope you find a resolution to his problems soon.
My grandsons are thriving, learning, much happier boys now.