Help no idea how to handle this situation

Hi I just want to ask an advice if this Events place quezon city is a nice place for my 1st born Baptism reception. Please help me to check it out, your opinion is very well appreciated. Thank you in Advance!

www.theblueleaf.com/venues/cosmopolitan-quezon-city/

If they are to stand a good chance at parenting leave them to it AB. It is there special time as a couple. That is the way years ago that we all had our babies. No mummy in the background. Cut the umbilical cord with your daughter now. Leave her off. It will be better All around. Not easy but will be for the best. D

Like so many others I think this is a very special time for the new parents.
I never even thought of having anyone other than hubby in the delivery room and nor was it expected that I would. In fact at that time 43 years ago it was only just becoming common - in Australia - for fathers to be present at the birth and there were plenty that still did not attend.
When my first grandson was born we didn't even know DIL was in labour. Received a call to say he had arrived - a week early. When DIL went into labour with their second we were charged with looking after GS1 - already arranged that we would do this. After GS2 was born we were asked to take GS1 to the hospital which we did and gave the family a while to introduce the brothers. Only then - about half an hour- did we see our new GS. As an aside he turns 3 today!

@ditzy, I have a great relationship with my parents.
I tried not to tell them I was in labour. I was so annoyed that they came to hospital and sat in waiting room after being told not to.

I didn’t want the pressure of people waiting.

I am sure she will want her Mum there, don't we all at times like that?

If you had read through this thread, you would have realised by now that the answer is 'NO'!

It was almost 50 years ago and the very last person I'd have invited to the birth of DS1 would have been my mother! And, to do her justice, I am sure she would have fainted at the mere prospect! I have no daughters but I would never have dreamt of butting in on a wonderfully private moment as this would surely have been. Neither of my DiLs had her mother present and, as it happened, I was able to be the first granny to have a cuddle as I was in the vicinity at the right time. Not that I would dream of gloating about that privilege.

Are you perhaps from a different culture where men are not normally part of birth and other intimate women's matters?
Today in Europe at least, it is the done thing for them to be very involved at the birth, if they want to be, and a husband would expect that. Perhaps your daughter is not so keen but it is something for him and her to discuss and make a decision about.

If he said “once you guys are there I’ll have no control” that suggests to me that he may sometimes feel left out of the relationship. You say you are very close to your daughter - perhaps too close. Even if this is what your daughter wants, it is not normal - once married, partners should come first for each other. They make decisions together, share special moments together ( of which the first baby is the most special) and so on. It sounds as though your partner feels that he is sometimes left out, which is not good for the marriage.
Once he is back at work, you can have daughter and baby all to yourself, plus of course your son in laws family if they are nearby, but even then, you must be careful not to take over or make decisions about your grandchild that should be made by the parents alone. It is wonderful for your daughter to have her mother around, but you will rightly be number three in her affections and priorities once the baby is born.
This is all assuming that her husband is treating her well etc. If you are quoting what he said accurately, he sounds quite laid back and kind, but just wanting to assert his right to have his family to himself for the first few hours.
The advocacy idea sounds great, it should clear things up for you all.

It should be down to your daughter, and I am sure she will want her Mum there, don't we all at times like that? Especially those of us who were lucky enough to have a fantastic relationship with our Mums. Talk to them both, if over-rules her but it's obvious your daughter wants you there, then ignore him. Why can't your daughter call and let you know when her waters break or labour has begun? You could always just go to the unit and wait quietly, keeping away from your daughter until he or she invites you to see your grandchild. At least you'll know she has delivered safely.

Agnurse, love the Advocacy-Inquiry method! Abuelana, I'm glad you're going to try it!

Nansmet, FWIW, in Abuelana's second post (on the first page), she tells us, "my daughter has asked us to be near by in the hospital." So it does seem as if there is some conflict between her DD and SIL over this. Hopefully, they will work it out soon.

My daughter had the same scenario. He didn't allow us to come to the hospital until after the birth. They split up when my GD was 6 months old and my daughter regrets not having me there with her as she says "he was no help". It's up to your daughter. Perhaps compromise and say you will sit outside the delivery room until she or he agrees that you can come in?

When my son and DiL had their baby, her mother had it in her head that she was going to be in the delivery room with them, even though it wasn't what either of them wanted, and she hadn't been invited to be there. I even overheard her telling her friends that she was going to be in there mopping her daughter's brow! My DiL is very sweet and kind-hearted, and finds it difficult to say things that might upset people, and my son just wants to keep the peace. As it turned out, they had GC overseas and the hospital would only allow fathers in the delivery suite, so she didn't get her own way, thankfully!
I don't see anywhere in your post that you had actually discussed with your daughter and SiL and been invited to the hospital ... had you simply assumed that that was what you would do, without being asked?
A couple having a baby is one of the most special, intimate and emotional times that they will ever experience together. It is for them to share, just the two of them, unless they BOTH decide otherwise. They need to discuss it between themselves, and if they want someone else there they will ask. If you are not asked, then please don't assume that you can go along and be part of what is their special time. I personally don't think you should ask your daughter outright why she was shaking her head, she still may not want to upset you if she doesn't want you there, and she simply felt her husband was being a bit blunt. Much better to simply tell them both that you're sorry if either of them feel that you've overstepped the mark, due to being an excited GM-to-be, and that you're happy to follow their wishes and visit your new grandchild when they are ready to call you. Exciting times ahead!

I think it would be a good idea to have a quiet word with your daughter about why she was shaking her head - is there something that she was unable to vocalise at that point?

If not, or if she doesn't want to share that with you then you need to back off, and I mean that kindly! Let her know that you're available at any time should she change her mind, but ultimately it's something for the 2 of them to sort out.

One final thing - please ignore that post by llizzie2, unless you want to drive a permanent wedge between the 3 of you.

No one wanted me at the birth.......neither daughter nor d.i.l.s
Daughter just had her husband with her. One d.i..l. had her mother and her husband (my son.) with her and the other d.i.l. Just had my son in the delivery room with her.

I was surprised and delighted to be invited to the hospital a couple of hours after my GD was born and was amazed at how much I instantly loved her.

A couple of years later we were looking after her while my daughter gave birth to my GS. We obeyed the precise instructions to take GD to the hospital to meet her new brother. My SIL came into the car park to take her and We then waited to be summoned later! A bit of straight talking is good IMO.

I couldn’t find it ?

Annaram1 I feel as you do.The only person present was my husband, no way would i have had my mum or MIL or even my sister present.If he hadn't been there i would have done it with just medical staff.

A link to this thread is now on Mumsnet - just so you know

Not to mention that some women actually prefer to be alone. I had a mum I cared for once whose labour was being augmented with Pitocin. This meant that I had to be continuously with her in the room. I set up the monitors to run automatically and literally just sat in the corner - had I done anything else, I would have likely interfered with what she needed to do.

Apart from that if he decides he doesn’t want to be in the delivery room it leaves my daughter alone if all goes well, she will not be alone - she will have at least a midwife with her

That’s so true !!

It is entirely your DD's decision - men may say 'we are pregnant' but I have never heard of one who says 'we are in labour'.

llizzie2 what?!

No.

This makes absolute sense to me I like Advocacy - Inquiry I think I will try it out.
Thank you

It's a special bonding time for them. Your turn will come soon enough!

What you might do is say to her, "I noticed that while SIL was telling me the birth is going to be just you two, you were shaking your head. I'm curious as to whether this was because you didn't agree with him or whether it was because of something else."

This uses what we call the Advocacy-Inquiry method. It was originally developed to debrief students in simulation, but it works for all sorts of situations. This way you describe the behaviour you saw (Advocacy) but rather than making an assumption, you question what's behind it (Inquiry). It's about getting into someone's headspace while allowing them to tell you exactly what's going on.

If she tells you she doesn't want you there for the birth, please respect that. I'd suggest just letting her know that you'll be waiting for her call, but to call when she feels ready to do so. That way there is no pressure on her.

Labor is sometimes not as straightforward as we hope it will be. It may not be the best time for company. Just my opinion but I think grandparents should stay home. I was asked to be the dog sitter. I was, therefore, in town with the dogs during my Dil's labor and delivery but not at the hospital. They were so tired that they asked me not to come until the day after my grandson's birth, even though her family did visit that day. A year later, I visit every week. Be patient. It will work out.