Advice please

Health Visitors do not take any actions based on personal likes or dislikes. They are too busy to use time based on personal feelings. Woud you consider your 3 year old grandchild to be happy, cared for , given attention and routine, safe, sociable? What has the healthvisitor identified which has caused concern? Has you daughter explained exactly the issues? Your daughter probably hasn't the energy or motivation to fuly understand the health visitor or the circumstances this small child is living in. A mother's mental health has a huge affect on children. Has post natal depression been identified? Perhaps you could offer to go with your daughter to GP, take the child out, have child to stay, support your daughter in establishing routine for cleaning, mealtimes, bedtimes etc. Your daughter sounds as if she needs some support.

Struggling2dol - thank you so much

Buffybee - there are no communal stairs - she lives in an upstairs flat so the stairs are just stairs.

As a retired SW with many years experience as both child protection & mental health (AMHP) related work. If this was my daughter I would be telling her to say to the HV, 'thank you but no thank you, please do not call again! If there are no statutory requirements to the visits eg a child protection plan, then your daughter is well within her rights to decline these visits. Pushy professionals who act in this way do not help a situation and may undermine to the point of exacerbating an already delicate situation. Good luck.

*Sorry to hear that you daughter has been hounded by the HV. If a child is 3 years old, why does he need to be seen by the HV? *

Seriously. Are you seriously asking that question.

The child still has HV involvement because they are seriously concerned clearly

You are right to be worried
But not for your daughter
For your grandson
Clearly a team of childcare professionals have very serious concerns.

Sorry to hear that you daughter has been hounded by the HV. If a child is 3 years old, why does he need to be seen by the HV? My younger one was seen by the HV probably twice in his life, just a few days after his birth and then at 5 or 8 months, I don't quite remember.
Some people enjoy their little power and would do anything to intimidate someone else.

Child services have been seriously slated for not paying enough attention which has resulted in a child suffering. We have all read these cases in the newspapers where tragedies have occurred. The HV is just being extra cautious which is better than being the other way. I am sure as others have suggested it would be helpful for you to be present at next week's meeting. Your daughter may possibly be reading things wrongly. If you are there you will be able to get a better idea if there are real concerns or if the Hv is being over zealous/

The HV is concerned that your Grandson could fall down the stairs from your daughters first floor flat.
It would seem as though your Grandson has access to the Communal stairs, how is this possible? Does your Grandson play outside the front door of the flat?
It sounds to me as though the HV was saying it would be a Health and Safety risk having a baby gate on communal stairs.
Obviously baby gates are encouraged in houses with young children, both top and bottom.

pamhill4 worriedgran said She doesn't drink to excess, she only goes out once a week when we have GC.

How on earth could you interpret that to mean she never leaves the flat at any other time, never takes her little boy out? . It's obvious she's talking about her daughter going out for a drink once a week, while the GP look after the child!

my d had a problem with being a hoarder ,and yes the health visitor reported her to social services because of health concerns about the children. we held meetings as to what could be done. family and friends got together with ss,and made plans to clear and tidy up the home. its taken over a year to make room for gc to play in and room to walk etc.so ask hv if you and some friends could sit in on the next meeting .friends could help tidy and you can be a mum again. you know cups of tea/do the shopping/babysit so she gets some "me time."...and get her to see her doctor about depression..

Sorry stiggy - I have been typing at my usual snail's pace and managed to write almost a duplicate of your advice, posted about ten minutes ago.

I have never heard such nonsense as to suggest a stair gate is not a good idea. What is this woman talking about? What has she suggested as a barrier to stop the child falling downstairs, and whoever heard of a home being criticised because it isn't on the ground floor? I am amazed at this; houses are all 'on the ground floor' ....and have stairs. I would certainly be there for the next appointment Make some very obvious notes - 'to ensure that we know exactly what your advice is', ask her again about the stair gate, write that down, and ask her to sign. If she won't then I would certainly ask for a meeting with the person in charge of the HVs.

Criticizing a lack of carpets sounds a tad judgemental. Surely a HV should be objective, not subjective. This HV seems to be putting her own standards into your DD and that needs to be challenged

Do not presume HV and social services know what their doing. Challenge!

My advise would be to record everything that is said time and date it, and even if she is brave enough get her to ask the health visitor to sign it. be around when the HV next arrives and be pro active in putting your daughters side. ie ask her what SHE suggests in place of stair gate etc. don't be afraid of writing down what she says, you should note she has a diary in which she writes ( outside in her car. )

My HV said something similar about a lack of carpets, so I said (not really meaning it, more of a 'oh give over' reaction--she knew I had about £10 at the end of the month after bills, rent and food) "if it's that much of an issue for you, find me a grant to pay for them". She did, carpets in within the month.

I'm not sure what she expects your DD to do about living in a flat, she can't just up and move I bet.

Sorry Worried Gran but I commented only on what you had told us and nothing else. The HV is commentating on what she sees for your GS so try and see through her eyes. If he goes to nursery then ask them how he’s doing compared to his peers. If you do all that and you draw a blank then ask to change HV.

But [ellen] how does one know which are the ‘real cases slipping through’ without first assessing a situation and quite frankly social workers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
People go into Social work to help, not make people’s lives more miserable but everyone working in this field have a responsibility to report any concerns and the buck stops with social services. If there reports of concerns or reports they are legally obliged to check these.

I am sure all will be well but Worried gran do attend the next meeting, as others have suggested. You can then judge for yourself what the HV is concerned about.

Oh, BuffeeBee, I know that virtually all health visitors, and children's' service people are working in the best interest of the child, but I have met some horrors who get a bee in their bonnet (sorry Bee) and see everything as contributing to a problem which may be non-existent.
I don't think they're malicious (although I've had my doubts about a couple!).

Getting upset just fuels the impression that your daughter's not coping. Try to get her organised so that she has an idea what might be asked and has a reasonable answer. Maybe have a neat pile of ironed children's clothes on the side (evidence of care!), and possibly something smelling good on the stove, healthy of course!

Janeainsworth I'm a very upfront and emotive person who always wants answers, or how can you move on ?
I happen to have had experience of how HV and SS workers operate at times and it's usually to the detriment of the " poor depressed " woman/single parent who they feel aren't capable and yes, confrontation is sometimes necessary.
If they can hone in at an " easy target ", they will, to justify their over-zealousness of their jobsworth position while the real cases of neglect/abuse are slipping through the net.

This sounds so familiar- try to be with your daughter every time this health visitor comes- it sounds like bullying to me - there are so many over zealous box ticking so called professionals out there - how dare they criticise lack of carpets - lots of people have bare boards these days - she needs to mind her own business- so you know why they are still visiting- has a school flagged up some problem?

Thank you for all you kind advice ladies. I will see if I can take time off work to attend.

pamhill4 - my D only drinks when she goes out on a Friday night - of course she takes C out! Heavens to betsy he's out all the time. She does not drink in the flat. He goes to Nursery and is doing very well.

I really feel for your daughter, but maybe this can be looked upon as an opportunity
I don’t know anything about the workings of children’s services, but I’m pretty sure that their role is to help and support. If they can get some practical help for her, then that can only be for the good
Having said all of that, I see how unsettling it is for you both