I have just returned from a 10 day trip with my husband and a group of 17 other friends some of which I don't know well but some I have known for years. I spent a lot of the holiday on my own as I didn't want to do what they were all doing and I was fine with this, I enjoy my own company. It was mentioned on more than one occasion that I am antisocial and I think they are right. I tend to be quite rude to people if I think they are just talking shit to fill up time, I will be pleasant if a person is talking to me but I will make comments about things people are saying if I think they are talking rubbish. I will avoid a conversation with people at all costs if I am not in the mood to listen to idle talk. My husband has been used to me for years but he said I shouldn't be putting myself in situations where I don't feel comfortable and end up saying inapropriate things to people who I deem to be an idiot! I am happy to go anywhere and watch things going on and I don't feel I have to engage, but once someone engages with me I become irritated sometimes. Sometimes I can tolerate people better than other times but mostly I will not really be in the mood to engage with them, yet they still keep on trying and that is when I just say something rude to shut them up or get them to go away. As a middle aged woman, why have I only just discovered this and can I change? , how do I change? do i even need to change. I have an example of what happened on holiday, see if you think I am ignorant and rude:
A man was talking about his wife as she wasn't there and he said something derogatory about her, everyone was laughing and I just said , what is so funny about that, why would you say that about someone you are supposed to love. Now if it was truly funny, I can laugh and can understand a joke, it is just that it really wasn't funny and he is a bit of an idiot, people only laughed as he was the main leader of the group and they think they have to. My husband said I would have been better to just not laugh along and say nothing as everyone who was laughing know he is an idiot, but just laugh along with him.
Is it really too late at 55 to change my attitude towards people? It has only just occurred to me that apart from my Husband, Sister and adult children I don't have any friends, that is entirely my choice, people do try to include me, so I can't be that horrible so what is the answer.