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Baby in bed

(26 Posts)
Abuelana Wed 05-Jun-19 21:39:21

GD born on 1 June!
Am I being silly new baby in house and My daughter fell asleep whilst breastfeeding. I’m freaking out but what really is the consensus on babies sleeping in parents beds now. Feel like I’m still in the Stone Age. With children in own cribs or cots. Am I being old fashioned ?

lemongrove Wed 05-Jun-19 21:41:26

I think the dangers of parents falling asleep and rolling on to babies is a very real one, and I think new Mothers will be aware of this ( or should be!)

Luckygirl Wed 05-Jun-19 21:58:41

Google it - co-sleeping is all the rage and a lot of research has gone on, mostly in favour. Important rules to be followed (like not being drunk!) so worth taking a look.

I admit to having fallen asleep with a babe on the breast before now. smile

kittylester Wed 05-Jun-19 22:06:46

What Lucky said!

Purpledaffodil Wed 05-Jun-19 22:15:50

DD has a special crib which fixes to her side of the bed. It gives baby its own sleeping space while still being very close. That said, I remember falling asleep while breastfeeding in those early sleep deprived days. I’m sure most breastfeeding mothers have.

lemongrove Wed 05-Jun-19 22:28:09

Breast feeding ( Nodding off) is common I should imagine, but choosing to have the baby in bed all night with you could be very unsafe.

SueDonim Wed 05-Jun-19 22:38:32

Co-sleeping is very much frowned upon by the professionals, in the experience of the parents of my three under-5yo grandchildren.

I did it myself, as we weren't aware of the dangers back then, so it's a case of the pot calling the kettle black, but if I was a parent today I'd look at the side-by-side cribs as a solution.

The Lullaby Trust has up-to-date information.

gillybob Wed 05-Jun-19 22:40:40

My DD has a “next to me” crib for her baby. Best of both worlds .

BlueBelle Wed 05-Jun-19 22:41:01

I have at times slept with all my babies My last baby used to get bad chests and she was sleeping on my chest more than she ever was in her own cot. It really was the only way anyone got any sleep I believe a mother has an inbuilt alarm bell if the baby moves or even changes breathing rhythm

Never never have a drink or anything else though, that I think is where danger lies

Doodle Wed 05-Jun-19 23:48:58

Congratulations on the birth of your new grandchild.
I hate scaremongering but as I am aware of some sad things that occurred while I was at work I feel I should point out that while I am sure many mothers have fallen asleep feeding their babies and having them in bed with them. and many parents carry their young babies strapped to their chests in baby slings, though 99 times out of a hundred nothing bad will happen, on very rare occasions it does.

Farmor15 Wed 05-Jun-19 23:49:33

My son and dil had their babies sleeping in bed with them from birth - they did have one of those co-sleeper cots but didn't really use. I was a bit worried, but it was their choice and they said they'd read about risks and decided it was safe.

Daughter has baby in bed with her some of the time, even though she didn't really intend to. She found both of them get more sleep as baby tended to wake when put back in cot.

I breastfed all of mine, and would sometimes fall asleep when feeding in bed. I realised that I was always aware of the baby, though, and would wake up in exactly the same position.

One risk is mattress toppers, which are quite soft. If parents want to co-sleep it's safer with firm mattress.

The problem is that advice can be conflicting - on the one hand everyone is told that "breast is best" and for successful breastfeeding in the early weeks, frequent feeding is needed. If the professional advice about sleeping was followed, many women would give up breastfeeding from exhaustion. La Leche league website has some good articles and advice eg:

Bibbity Thu 06-Jun-19 00:08:54

If DD is following safe sleeping guidelines then Co sleeping is very safe and encouraged.

If she is just nodding off with blankets and pillows while holding her dD then this is different and is dangerous. And she should try and stay awake long enough to get the baby to a safe place.

Starlady Thu 06-Jun-19 00:52:53

As far as I know, co-sleepers are very popular. But falling asleep with baby in bed (or anywhere) can be very dangerous.

That said, I'm another one who dozed off a few times while breastfeeding. And so did DD. I think mums are especially prone to this in the early days when baby is feeding a lot and mum isn't getting much uninterrupted sleep. Good idea to have things arranged as safely as possible when breastfeeding or have someone else around (dad, GM, etc.), when possible, who can move baby to the cot or co-sleeper or whatever. Better still, IMO, to sleep as much as possible when baby does, so perhaps she can stay awake long enough during feedings, as Bibbity says, to put baby in a safe place (and burp them if needed). But I don't want to be judgmental. DD is not the first mum whoever fell asleep while breastfeeding and I doubt she'll be the last.

absent Thu 06-Jun-19 02:37:22

My paediatrician recommended co-sleeping except when adults had been drinking alcohol, smoking or taking drugs (prescribed or recreational). He also stated that obesity was a contra-indication and was, in fact, the main cause of accidental death from overlying. That was 36 years ago.

sodapop Thu 06-Jun-19 07:49:02

It's a very personal thing isn't it. I think most new mothers have nodded off at some point with the baby if we are honest. I wouldn't have wanted my babies sleeping with me unless for some specific reason such as illness. Of course I'm not noted for my maternal instincts.

harrigran Thu 06-Jun-19 09:56:17

I never took my babies into my bed. Would you really want to risk losing the most precious thing you have created ?
I worked in A&E and in childrens hospitals and believe me you do not want to witness what we saw.

gillybob Thu 06-Jun-19 10:07:04

Even though I was a very young (teenage) mum I can't remember anyone ever advising me about the pros/cons of co-sleeping. It just seemed to make complete sense not to. My son was tiny when he was born (less than 5lb) and I can't bear to imagine the effects of even an arm moving awkwardly during sleep. I was always VERY tired as worked full time and a single parent so perhaps sometimes it might have been easier (for me) to just to take him in with me.

gillybob Thu 06-Jun-19 10:10:14

To be honest I can't recall anyone advising me about anything much. I vaguely remember a health visitor coming to see me in my immaculate (but quite empty) little council flat and saying "well you are doing just fine, I won't need to see you again...if you need anything we are at the health centre....." I was breaking inside, but my flat was tidy.

Callistemon Thu 06-Jun-19 10:18:02

I had mine in a crib beside the bed, although I must say I was tempted with DD1 to have her in with me and I did doze off when I was feeding her once or twice. Whatever people claim about the benefits of co-sleeping, I don't think that I would have a good sleep thinking a tiny baby was beside me in bed.

Another danger is leaving a baby too long in a car seat to sleep - their heads can loll forward and cause breathing difficulties.

CassieJ Thu 06-Jun-19 10:37:37

I co slept with my youngest [ now 18 ] as it was the only way either of us got any sleep. Even then the consensus was not to co sleep, but when you are totally sleep deprived you will try anything.

I have 3 adult children, but never co slept with any of them.

sarahcyn Thu 06-Jun-19 11:13:17

Studies by Durham University’s infant sleep research lab - BASIS - btw they have LOTS of fantastic evidence-based downloadable information sheets - showed that breastfeeding mothers instinctively curl their bodies around a sleeping baby with baby’s face at boob level. This protects baby. Formula feeding mums and partners didn’t instinctively do this.
But there are many other factors in co-sleeping safely -
- Firm bed surface
- No pillows, blankets or duvet over baby or near baby
- Neither parent smoking
- Parent not using drugs, alcohol or excessively tired (!)
- Not obese
- Full term baby

There has been much more research on this happening since any of us had children, it’s a very interesting topic and much of the older advice given did not account for differences between FF and BF mother-baby pairs, or cultural variations.
I’m an antenatal teacher and I always go through the safe co-sleeping issues with classes as even those who say they will never bring baby into bed have a 50% likelihood of doing it one night when they are very tired so they need to know how to minimise risks. They mostly know the “safe sleeping seven” already but are confused about co-sleeping.
The most dangerous place is falling asleep with baby on a chair or a sofa.
I recommend:

trisher Thu 06-Jun-19 11:49:48

I fell asleep breast feeding and all 3 of my DSs slept in our bed at times. There was a movement in favour of children sleeping with their parents -book called "the Family Bed". I just wanted to sleep!
I remember being told about premature babies and how gypsy mothers would strap a baby to their front so they were warm and had access to the breast. Apparently in the very early stages of incubators and in some inadequately run hospitals this had a higher rate of success. (Not suggesting it would now by the way)

Farmor15 Thu 06-Jun-19 12:24:43

Abuelana - lots of different opinions here, as in everything connected with babies! Problem is, as a grandparent, there is only a certain amount you can do - in the end, it's the parents' choice. Sounds like your daughter doesn't necessarily intend to "bed-share" but just fell asleep while feeding. If it's in your house, and your bed, check that the mattress is firm, and if not, see if you can swap around with another in the house.

When I stayed with son and dil, or they stayed in our house, I was always nervous as I knew they shared bed with baby - I had got a cot but they never used it! I would lie awake at night, listening for baby sounds and thinking the worst. I tried raising the issue, gently, but it made no difference -they said they had read guidelines and decided it was safe. And yet they were paranoid about other aspects of safety!

Even now, with 4 GC, I worry about them - I think it's natural for grandparents.

Deedaa Thu 06-Jun-19 16:24:57

Tomorrow's World once filmed a baby spending the night in bed between it's parents. Every time the baby wriggles around the parents automatically moved their bodies out of the way. Obviously no alcohol or drugs were involved.

Abuelana Sun 09-Jun-19 23:44:47

Thanks for all the great advice