I wonder if others feel like this. I live alone and have a creative small business, see my daughter most days as we dog walk together. Have Grandchildren, who I rarely see but keep up an apparently happy distant relationship. And then suddenly I see my self as desperately alone and unloved triggered, possibly, by news that others are going away, on trips etc. I don’t go away anymore since I have had a couple of dramatic health scares and have been reluctant to get out of my safe zone and I don’t have anyone to go with.
I think I still feel I am in recovery and am still grateful that I am well. I was diagnosed with a terminal condition s couple of years ago which has no symptoms but can cause death at any time. That seems to be my main aim., Not to stress myself too much. But this means I am not changing things, not travelling. I would happily go travelling with a companion but I don’t have one. I also have two dogs whichcas well as providing me with much joy and love also stop me being spontaneous, eg jumping on a train to Edinburgh..
The feelings yesterday almost brought on a panic attack of not being able to breathe which scared me. Weird how my happy stable life can be unhinged so easily. Has anyone else found this? I think I would get more solace from feeling I am not alone with this. But perhaps I am.
I have had two husbands both now dead. My mother is dead too and my brother. They were anchors.
I have had therapy and normally function well but it is such a scary feeling when you suddenly feel how alone you really are. Both my adult children are very happily married and busy and don’t need me to be anything but happy I feel I am failing them a bit there. I think some of my friendships have faltered as they so often flaunted their many friends and trips and demand for their wonderful grandmotherly skills that they depressed me rather than made me feel better, loved or needed.
There is something to be said perhaps for fellow sufferers helping each other. Do I just expect too much? Should one just carry on faking it?
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