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Need advice about MIL & new baby

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Lesim91 Sun 21-Jul-19 05:40:54

Hi,

I need some advice. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and my MILs behaviour is really stressing me out and causing myself and my husband a lot of anxiety.

My MIL has always commented that she doesn't see us enough (we see her once a month or more) my husband works weekend shifts and we do not live in the same area as any of our families and many of our friends, so we always have to plan visits/juggle time.

Anyway, over the last few weeks MIL has said to my husband that we are purposely freezing her out of our lives and that she'll never see her grandson (he's not even here yet) she constantly accuses us of spending more time with my family which isn't the case and it feels like she's already keeping tally.

Myself and my husband decided together that we didn't want any visitors after the birth, just for a few days. This is because I'm very anxious about the actual labor (first child) and I'm also a very shy person and don't like the idea of having to see anyone except my husband when I'm feeling so vulnerable. To be clear, both sets of grandparents will have to respect these boundaries as I felt that having my own mum there would cause even more issues.

MIL reacted badly to this and shouted at my husband down the phone. She said I'm selfish and stupid.

Guess my question is am I the one being unreasonable? If I had a different kind of relationship with her things might be different but I've always felt uncomfortable around her as she's quite manipulative when she doesn't get her own way and is very overpowering. My husband agrees with me on this and feels the same way as I do. But I still feel bad about him being stuck in the middle.

Sorry for the long post, just feeling hurt by it all.

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Madgran77 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:11:02

It seems so wrong that you feel unable to have your mum there, even though you want to, just because MIL is feeling put out etc. Your first experience of birth should be as you want it to be!!

I do wonder if asking her directly why she feels she will be the last, be left out etc might be worth considering! What has made her feel that way? I am not suggesting that you have done anything to cause it.. more that calling her out on what sounds pretty ridiculous, needy and probably born of some unexplained fear, might just open up a channel of honest communication. However, she doesn't seem like someone able to deal in a grown up way with issues!

I'm sorry you are facing this at such a special , exciting and a bit scary time flowers

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Lesim91 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:52:55

Thank you! You've made me feel a little better about everything. The husband is off to his mum this afternoon as the rest of the family is there. I'm going to stay home with my feet up and chill! Hopefully our son will make an appearance soon...at least I can make sure I don't make the same mistakes if I'm lucky enough to be a grandparent in the future x

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