Calm

So lovely reading all your replies thank you all x

Been stressed re DD for years. The difference is that once they are adults you can worry all you like, try to help etc but in the end you have absolutely no control over their lives and how they handle things.

Hi worriedgran24, my daughter is in a really bad space at the moment. First I ask myself can I do anything about the situation, if not I tell myself just be there for her. If I can help the situation I do. I once asked a CBT counsellor what I should do for my daughter she replied you but out and mind your own business. This seems harsh but it sometimes worked as at times my daughter was worried about me worrying about her and this would make things worse. It all works out in the end.

When my children were little and I was worried about one of them for some reason I can't remember now, my exes nan, then in her nineties told me you never stop worrying about your children. She said her eldest was in his seventies and she still worried about him/for him! So ladies I don't think it stops, but I think sometimes when you worry for them it takes away some of the worry from them. Yoga or breathing exercises may help

It’s Elemis and on their website it’s reduced from £20 to 14 at the moment.

Urmstongran, I love that: ‘we can only be as happy as our unhappiest child’. And boy! Have I been unhappy and worrying myself sick more times than I care to remember. Sadly, when the phone rings and it's my eldest, my heart sinks thinking "What now"! It's slowly getting better though thank goodness.

Craftycat. Do hope you
find something that helps you cope with the stress you must be feeling. You have more than your fair share to contend with.

Please can we know which company Pantglas1? Sounds perfect for me.

I’ve been using a quiet mind temple balm made by a leading skin care company (am I allowed to say which one?) and it’s on offer at the moment.

I find writing problems on a post it before going to sleep seems to get them out of my head and just a dot on each temple as I lie in bed seems to work for me.

I know exactly what you mean. A couple of years ago I had visited my DD in London and was catching the train home and I just sat in St Pancras and cried. I felt so helpless. Fortunately she is in a much better place now.
We will always worry about our children and it is true you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.

Whoever said 'You can only be as happy as your unhappiest child' got that one so right. I try to do something totally distracting. I listen to calming music, walk the dog, dab lavender oil on all the bulbs in the lamps to give the house a calming aroma, use Yoga breathing and keep my mind on other things. I also keep telling myself that if i get stressed and upset I will be no help to my DC; I have managed to keep quite calm through some pretty dire stuff over the years. Good luck, and remember nothing lasts for ever.

Always handy to close your eyes and imagine yourself and your family all living - for example - in a refugee camp for years having been forgotten by the rest of the world.
Perspective is a wonderful thing and I reckon 5 mins of that will save on the cost of reflexology...

Oh worriedgran your poor DD and poor you . Last year ( at about this time) my poor DD was going through the most horrendous time. She had a new baby at the time too, who was unplanned but came as the loveliest of surprises . For a while it looked like she might lose her home. Although I did everything I could possibly do to help her at times the stress for her (and me) seemed almost unbearable . A year on and we all lived through it and came out the other end . As others have said just try to concentrate on what you can do ( things that are within your power) and leave the things that you can’t change to take care of themselves . I hope things get sorted soon . xx

Thankyou Worriedgran for this thread. I worry a lot about DD and now am worrying about DS too! I can’t share with DH as he suffers from anxiety and depression and, at times, finds he can’t cope with even the smallest worry. So it’s good to come on here, finding others in the same boat is a perverse comfort!
Some good advice on here which I’m going to try - thankyou all.

I find meditation helpful too jaylucy.I have done a course on Alternative Therapies,and completed a Reiki course.I practice mindfulness too.There are plenty of courses around.I found that one particular meditation helped me far more than any counselling would have done

You aren’t alone, how you describe how you feel is exactly me since my daughter and only child moved three hours away. She calls every day and texts as she misses us and I worry so much about her. It’s hard to de stress but I cycle. It think about her even then. I do think they know how to push our buttons though. I just wish I could buy her a no strings attached home of her own instead of a horrible houseshare.

Tapping solution app is a guide to different points on your body that repeatedly tap as your body relaxes the video clip explains it hope this helps

No not at all Abuelana. Thank you all for your wishes and messages they have made me feel a lot better - its so nice to have someone to turn to

I was given some advice a few years ago -"Only worry about things you can do something about" and it's true. Worrying about something you cannot do anything about WILL make you ill, then what good will you be? It takes practice and technique and as Doodle said, Martin Rossman is excellent. You can find him on UTube.

Totally with you on this worried gran. Like bmteal. I started on CBD oil earlier this year and it’s definitely helping me. You can buy it from Holland & Barrett, Amazon and there's a very helpful Fb page which is well moderated and gives very helpful advice re dosage, other medications etc called Simply CBD users support. I also use the Tapping Solution - they have a page on Fb now; Nick Ortner and his sister Jessica are the founders, and they also have recently developed an app which makes accessing the various tapping subjects including one for anxiety - Very helpful. Good luck

Mindfulness. There is lots of information about how to use it online. There are also books and apps.

I constantly worry about one of my adult children,I dont have any answers to be honest.I read somewhere " I will not stress over things I cannot control" to be honest that doesnt help.Things often seem better after a good nights sleep.

For sleeping I YouTube sleep meditation talk down - I prefer a talk to sleep rather than music but there’s something to suit all tastes. I find listening to the therapists words stops me from overthinking life’s problems.
As for your daughter, remind her that everything will pass, she must work to appreciate the positives.
Best x

We have too AC's and I do worry about the many challenges they face. Then I remind myself of the many challenges that DH and I have survived as a couple. We have to trust that they have learned 'that nothing lasts forever' or 'this too will pass' (two of my mum's many favorite sayings )and putting one foot in front of the other every day gets you through difficult times. I draw on yoga relaxation and breathing techniques otherwise....Oh and reading....! A LOT!!!

I don't think anyone ever stops worrying about their children from the time they were born to well into their 50's ! Nothing's ever going to stop it. Then the GC and GGC.

I've trained myself over the years to " shut off " by just sitting quietly and thinking of nothing at all to such an extent that even the smallest of noises makes me jump when I'm in one of my " trances ". It's the art of relaxing the whole body and mind and helping it to heal----before the next onslaught. It's almost like self-hypnosis.