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(48 Posts)
Worriedgran24 Sun 21-Jul-19 21:06:45

How do other gran's calm down and get de-stressed after conversations / texts from DC? My DD is having a particularly stressful time at the moment and I don't know what to do to keep calm myself and make sure she knows these problems she's having won't last forever. I feel so stressed for her and myself . Thank you ladies.

Doodle Sun 21-Jul-19 21:28:57

I’m a worrier too worriedgran. Someone on the Blackdog thread posted a comment about Marty Rossman’s videos which you can see on the internet. I watched one on anxiety last night and found it very useful.

Luckygirl Sun 21-Jul-19 21:30:23

I know that feeling too - in many different ways.

It is so hard to switch off and recognise that as adults, in the end they have to plough their own way through their troubles, as we had to.

So many times I have come off the phone after a reassuring spiel and then spent the night worrying myself sick - we never really stop worrying about our children.

I have no answer for you, but just send lots of fellow-feeling. x

Urmstongran Sun 21-Jul-19 21:40:38

Bless you worriedgran it’s not easy sometimes is it?

Years ago, my dear mother in law said ‘we can only be as happy as our unhappiest child’.

I totally get that and think it’s true.

etheltbags1 Sun 21-Jul-19 21:46:04

I worry too. I was making myself ill 2 weeks ago when dd and partner went off for 2 days leaving dgd with me. Of course it doesnt happen but i still worry. I do reiki and that helps. Also hand reflexology to relax. Mostly i dive into a lovely book and im off in a historical romance or a mystery.

Tangerine Sun 21-Jul-19 21:57:43

Hot bath and a cup of tea. I do realise that these two things don't solve anything to do with your adult children but I do think they help me take stock.

Worriedgran24 Sun 21-Jul-19 21:57:55

Thank you all, knowing I'm not alone helps x

kittylester Sun 21-Jul-19 22:00:41

I think it goes with the territory - they are our children after all.

Anniebach Sun 21-Jul-19 22:17:38

So difficult, they are adults , but they are our children

cornergran Sun 21-Jul-19 22:25:40

Yes, I agree, they will always be our children. Their problems were easier to share in when they were 2 and a cuddle would fix everything. What helps? Depends on the day and the problem. Often a walk on our nearest beach, the garden, a rest in the conservatory, someone to laugh with, a book to be absorbed in, gentle yoga, the grandchildren, baking. Mundane things really all about distraction. Wishing you well worriedgran. flowers.

annep1 Sun 21-Jul-19 22:36:44

I'm not particularly religious but sometimes I take time to pray for them. It helps me and I hope it helps them. I also, if really stressed do a 10 minute guided meditation. I also try to meditate each day.
It's so difficult to watch your children suffering. When my daughter was first alone with the children I paid for a few counselling sessions. She found this very good and continued for a year. But it is expensive. All you can do is be there for them as much as possible.

annep1 Sun 21-Jul-19 22:40:40

This is a favourite

BradfordLass72 Mon 22-Jul-19 03:51:26

Worriedgran24 You're just like me and I often wish I liked music as so many people have said it calms them.

All I can do (and it's only partially successful) is look back on all the problems we've overcome in the past and tell myself we'll beat this as well.

"We can only be as happy as our unhappiest child".

Spot on.

bmteal Mon 22-Jul-19 09:25:03

CBD oil.!!!
It is legal and works for many things especially anxiety and stress.!

Craftycat Mon 22-Jul-19 09:44:34

I've had a rough few months with DIL having treatment for cancer. She in 41 & they have 3 young children. At same time DH lost his job.
I found meditation helped me a lot. I found a site with s guided sessions at first. Now I can do it without. It has been a godsend for me.

aquafish Mon 22-Jul-19 09:45:32

Totally with you on this one WorriedGran24
Currently going through a very painful situation with DSiL who is offended by something I said, and poor DD is caught up in the middle trying to please us both & heal the rift. Its been going on for 2 weeks & i find my whole life has ground to an abrupt halt, unable to concentrate on anything else and desperately waiting for calls from DD, who used to ring several times a day. Very true how you never stop worrying about your children as adults, so all-consuming. I feel like my whole life happiness is only balanced by the happiness of my DC & DGC
As for distractions, i find an aqua aerobics session helpful, also a spot of decorating to freshen the house up, worked for me yesterday!
. Feeling your pain, sending positive vibes & a big hug!

Barmeyoldbat Mon 22-Jul-19 09:50:05

Its not easy when family members have problems, however much you try you still feel for them and take on stress. Believe me with an adult daughter who has learning difficulties and is disabled plus living on her own I do find myself stressing over her problems. What do I do?, well I have one to one yoga every 3 or 4 weeks and have learnt how to destress. My teacher has taught me breathing techniques and combined with movements within my capabilities and I use these most days, usually in the afternoon. Just sitting still with eyes closed and breathing helps. Good luck.

Abuelana Mon 22-Jul-19 09:53:51

I’m a Bach Remedy therapist use Rescue remedy as per the bottle and if you could be more specific about the worry I’d recommend another remedy.
Are you worried for you or your DG or your DD ?

jaylucy Mon 22-Jul-19 09:57:07

Treat yourself to a reflexology session or if your budget won't stretch, I bought a meditation CD from eBay and listen to that from time to time. It really helped me to switch off for a while . Even sitting for a few minutes outside in your garden with a cup of tea or in a greenspace such as a local park will help.
Some GPs will also run Mindfulness classes or even in a local library or community centre. Maybe take DD with you.

Coconut Mon 22-Jul-19 10:10:09

My mother is the only one in my life that I need to de-stress from ! My friends are excellent sounding boards for me as they know exactly what I’ve been thro with her over the years. They remind me I’m not to blame and keep me sane !

polnan Mon 22-Jul-19 10:12:01

to worried gran24

I so know what you mean, so good to be able to come here, and pour out,, though I am not good at sharing at all..
thank you to everyone here.

harrysgran Mon 22-Jul-19 10:15:32

I have downloaded the tapping solution app which I use when I feel anxious and the calm app which helps slow my breathing down so I feel calmer the calm app is also useful for insomnia

langfordlady Mon 22-Jul-19 10:21:34

Hi harrysgran what is the tapping app please?

EllanVannin Mon 22-Jul-19 10:37:43

I don't think anyone ever stops worrying about their children from the time they were born to well into their 50's ! Nothing's ever going to stop it. Then the GC and GGC.

I've trained myself over the years to " shut off " by just sitting quietly and thinking of nothing at all to such an extent that even the smallest of noises makes me jump when I'm in one of my " trances ". It's the art of relaxing the whole body and mind and helping it to heal----before the next onslaught. It's almost like self-hypnosis.

seadragon Mon 22-Jul-19 10:50:54

We have too AC's and I do worry about the many challenges they face. Then I remind myself of the many challenges that DH and I have survived as a couple. We have to trust that they have learned 'that nothing lasts forever' or 'this too will pass' (two of my mum's many favorite sayings )and putting one foot in front of the other every day gets you through difficult times. I draw on yoga relaxation and breathing techniques otherwise....Oh and reading....! A LOT!!!