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(10 Posts)
agnurse Fri 09-Aug-19 06:13:51

I have mixed feelings about this. You're quite correct in that excessive weight loss can be dangerous. Absolutely.

OTOH, she is an adult, and from what you describe, she's cognitively intact. (Although if there are concerns about her cognition, she absolutely should be checked out.) It's also true that if she does truly have an eating disorder, trying to pressure her to eat more not only isn't likely to work, it's likely to make her restrict even more.

PSA: Unexplained and unintentional weight loss in an older person is considered to be due to cancer until proven otherwise. If anyone's noticing a need to literally tighten your belt and you haven't made any changes, please see your provider ASAP.

Lyndiloo Fri 09-Aug-19 03:22:02

No, maybe it's not necessary for me to get involved. (i.e. Daddima - Why do you feel it's anything to do with you?)

But I am involved - because she is my friend! And it is something to do with me, because I care about her.

(Shouldn't we all look out for each other, if we think something is going wrong in their lives?)

However, I've taken some comfort in the thought that the hospital must be aware of her weight loss. Not much, though. I don't quite trust the efficiency of our medical services.

So no, I'm not going to back off completely. I'll watch her. And if it comes to a point where I think I need to interfere, I shall. (Rather that than see her waste away, when I could have helped.)

And yes, I am helping her with her move.

Wildswan I have spoken about my concerns to her son - he doesn't seem very bothered. My daughter, however is. We have decided that if this weight loss goes on, one of us will insist that she goes to her GP, and accompany her.

Washerwoman Wed 07-Aug-19 15:29:50

We moved house ,had loads of renovations and my years of horrible peri-menopause with horrendously heavy periods finally ended when I had polyps removed.In a short time I lost a stone,and I'm a petite build and wasn't even over weight and was loving my food as usual.But no end of people felt free to comment,asking if I was dieting and telling me not to overdo it.I wasn't!One friend -who for other reasons I no longer see - was frankly very cutting .Dare I say it DH thought it was a touch of jealousy as she had put on weight herself. Not suggesting you would be OP !
I was genuinely shocked at how entitled some were with their opinions.
I did go to the GP to rule out diabetes or thyroid imbalance.But I think I knew I was fine.I had plenty of energy,and felt better than ever.I'd agree with others in that it's not necessary for you to get involved.And regular check ups are being done.

Daddima Wed 07-Aug-19 14:46:53

Why do you feel it’s anything to do with you?

Dawn22 Wed 07-Aug-19 14:16:04

Leave her to it. She is an adu8.

BradfordLass72 Mon 05-Aug-19 09:09:26

How refreshing that there seems to be one sane person left in the world who actually worries when someone loses weight.

When I lost 30kg in a short time, because I was very ill and looked it, I couldn't believe the stupidity of people who told me I looked good - when clearly I did not.

It may be genuine dieting (foolish in the extreme at her age anyway) but it could also be diabetes, which is often triggered by extreme dieting.

But if she is making regular hospital visits, one has to assume (though it is by no means certain) that they will pick up the cause, possibly via blood tests.

Sweet of you to worry, rather than glibly tell her she's looking good, or (worse) 'healthier', as if being thin meant being healthy!

wildswan16 Sun 04-Aug-19 09:16:11

It might be reassuring to remember that if she is attending hospital regularly they will presumably be monitoring her general health in addition to whatever treatment she is receiving.

If you are still worried then maybe ask your son in law if he is concerned and suggest persuading her to visit GP.

sodapop Sun 04-Aug-19 08:24:12

Is there anything you can do to help with the downsizing Lyndiloo may make her feel less stressed. As summerlove said you have voiced your concerns all you can do now is keep an eye on her and let her know you care.

Summerlove Sun 04-Aug-19 04:36:13

I LOVE sweets.
Last year I lost 50 lbs between June and December. It wasn’t even restricting, just making diff choices.

You’ve commented to her, she says she’s fine. It’s time to back off.

Lyndiloo Sun 04-Aug-19 03:33:15

My daughter's MIL is losing weight fast!

She has arthritis, and is having treatment for this - which includes some sort of hospital treatment which sounds similar to chemo therapy to me. (But obviously not for cancer, as it's not every week, or even every month.) She has been having this treatment about two or three times a year for the past two years.

Over the past few months, she has lost so much weight, that everybody is becoming worried about her. I've spoken to her about it, and she insists that she has been dieting, and intending to lose weight. I don't think this is true. She loves sweet things - cakes, chocolate, biscuits - and eats these in abundance, given half a chance! But rarely finishes a meal.

She is a widow, and in the middle of 'downsizing' at the moment, which I know is causing her a lot of worry. (Getting rid of furniture, sorting out cupboards, clothes, etc.)

I see her every week (we share childminding) and every week she looks even thinner to me.

Am I being too concerned? What should I do?