Drinking in presence of GC

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have been known to open the sherry bottle just before DGDs' pick up time......

I agree with Sara, they probably have no idea how much they are drinking. You are totally right not to want them handling your baby, perhaps that will make them think!

Abi30 they are drinking too much and certainly too much to hold a baby. If they visit I suggest you make sure that your house is an alcohol free zone. If they bring it with them hide it away and if they ask say "I thought we'd save that for when x is in bed." If they don't get the message you could try saying you're giving alcohol for so long just before they visit, so please could they not bring any to you.
It's your home and your baby so they should respect your rules.

I think the best way to approach it is not attacking their drinking per se but the fact that they do it whilst looking after the grandchildren.

If they want to drink themselves silly in their own time, that is their business but no one should be drinking in charge of children whether it is parents or grandparents - one person in any group ought to be sober.

The problem will be that they probably don’t think they drink too much, what seems excessive to most of us, will seem normal to them, and if you or your husband try and broach the subject, they’ll just become defensive, and act as if it’s you who has the problem

As a Gran whose visits to my oldest GD are being severely limited then cancelled at the last minute, I'd like to be told why. (We don't drink alcohol.) I gather that you have already made your disapproval of your in-laws drinking known but I think they need to know their visits are to be limited because of this.

I'd certainly be willing to make changes in my behaviour to be allowed to see more of my GD but worry that my DIL just doesn't like me. I don't get the chance to find out what is going wrong. It will be a tough call by your husband but they are his parents.

a couple of drinks at a family get together/BBQ/party etc is fine, but the amount they are putting away is too much, I couldn't handle that much without throwing up lol. Let them hold the baby as much as they like before the drinking starts, after that it would be a no.

I regularly take my GC's off for short breaks, and I only ever have one or two drinks max, but, they are older GCs not babies or young children.

Abi30 I agree with you and you are wise to realise they won't change. But as you say, you can. Day visits only.

Guidelines put down now and strictly enforced by you and your husband (about all aspects) will show them you are serious about the safety of your child.

Tipples and toddlers don't mix and I'm afraid you might find yourself one day being forced to mention their drinking if it affects your little one.

Your husband is probably the best one to tell his Mum and Dad, kindly that it's not acceptable, if it comes to it.

We have a drink with a meal but I usually only have one glass and sometimes don’t have anything. If I have sole care of the grandchildren I would never drink at all. I might need to drive . It seems a lot of alcohol to drink especially in the day, excessive I would have thought.

It is up to you what you allow them to do with YOUR baby, I also agree babies should not be kissed on the mouth.

Call me old-fashioned but I find it incomprehensible that someone around my age (70) would ever willingly want to get drunk.

I agree with you, you are right to be concerned. I also think that is a serious amount of alcohol to put away between two people. I'm of the two-glasses-of-wine-tops school.

Also, of course they will have "forgotten" that you disapprove once they are have put away that much.

We drink with meals on special occasions, and DS likes the odd small bottle of craft beer.

Our DGC have grown up in an environent where all the adults like an occasional drink, red wine, cider, craft beer and DH enjoys a glass of sherry, but they have never seen anyone in the family drink too much or even be slightly squiffy. I hope this attitude to alcohol will rub off on them.

Well there is drinking and then there is DRINKING!!! We have in the past all shared a bottle of wine between five adults over lunch with the two grandchildren sitting there! But that is not exactly the same as 10 beers and a bottle of wine in one afternoon is it! I think that is not appropriate around children,

And that amount of drinking suggests a problem with alcohol which has implications about the future with your child if they ever want to babysit etc.

I would have a glass of wine once I got the grandchildren to bed, but that would be my limit. From what you describe, your in laws have a serious problem with alcohol and I don't think anything you would say would change their drinking habits. You are dealing with it very sensibly and I would keep the interaction to a bare minimum if possible .

Being drunk in charge of a vulnerable child is every bit as bad as drunk driving .

We don't drink much anyway, only perhaps at Christmas or with a meal out. Even then it's very little, so our DGD gets a low alcohol influence from our side of the family.

However the other grandmother was supposed to take care of GD after a family event and was so drunk that someone else had to look after GD. What kind of message does that send?

At a family meal out I might have one glass of wine but 9 times out of 10 I don't finish it. If I'm babysitting, either at their house or ours, I don't drink (alcohol) at all. My DD usually very kindly leaves me a little bottle of wine or can of G&T if I'm sleeping over but I just take it home with me the next day. I just want to be compus mentis just in case!

There’s drinking and there’s drinking
Total thumbs down to the sort OP quotes - yes, if that constitutes normal consumption, they drink too much

Sara65
Totally agree.

Hithere

I think they must they must be pretty hardened to it, I’d have passed out long before I got through that lot!

A beer or glass of wine is ok.

10 beers and a bottle of wine in ONE afternoon is too much

our family weren't big drinkers but FIL was a heavy smoker and he wasn't happy when I told him he had to go to the bottom of the garden to smoke.My son was very prem and when he came home I didn't want all the hard work by medical staff to be ruined by him inhaling smoke.The old boy finally gave in and when my son was 4 he told his GF that smoking would kill him so GF stopped there and then after 50 years .I was very impressed

I wouldn’t expect anyone to be drinking around a baby or child not at all

A baby shouldn't be kissed on the lips whether a person's had drink or not, it's a dangerous practice.
I'd have said something if someone had reeked of alcohol around a child anyway.
Tell them next time that you'd rather they didn't kiss the baby on the lips.

like

You are right to be concerned. Their drinking habits are their own affair until it impinges on the safety of your child, then it is very much your business. I would also be concerned that this level of drinking is going on in the afternoon which leaves a lot of day left to get completely blotto.

Day visits with you or OH in attendance would be the way forward I think. I do think you need to state your position if they ask to hold the baby. Just say that you do not think it is wise after so much alcohol. If they do not lime it then that is not great, but the baby's safety is paramount.

How irritating for you to be having to deal with this.