Sinking feeling but why?

I lacked confidence as a teenager, but spent my 30,40’s very confidant, hit the menopause and once again lost confidence and suddenly became anxious in social situations and even in my work ( where I am super respected ) . I suspect menopause brought on hormonal depression because since testosterone replacement I’ve got my confidence back and I feel more like myself! I’m not saying daft things either.

But on another note nice people forgive and those who want to interpret what you say negatively will find something or make it up! I am very careful to be sensitive to people and pleasant but a few years ago a ‘friend’ was overtaken by jealousy ( boring story) and wrote me a very long letter listing all my mistakes , none , 90% of which I was unaware of , a large part her deliberate misinterpretation and 10% of which I knew about. That knocked my confidence and after buckets of tears I thought I can’t be bothered to worry any more. I know my intention and that’s good enough for me ! Four friends thought I was lovely and one woman thought I was the devil incarnate so who am I ? I concluded maybe it doesn’t say much about me and a lot about them, ie four lovely women !

Yes, you seem to be worrying that other people will 'take offence' even though you did not 'give' it. I used to worry too, till I thought about the words and realised that taking when something is not given, is stealing!

And most people don't steal, so I learnt to relax and accept that more people worry about the impression they left with others, than condemn the people they were with.

Good luck and keep smiling. It is very difficult to be cross with someone who is genuinely smiling!

Me too! I always ‘beat myself up’ and go over every thing I have said after most social occasions. As I am terrified I will have put my foot in it or upset someone, it’s a horrible feeling but you are not alone ? And the chances are that because it is something you worry about, you won’t have actually done or said anything wrong...just been completely lovely? keep smiling xx

sorry must have pressed twice.

Crazy H I have found that a little note\card or few flowers goes a long way to make someone feel appreciated.

Crazy H I have found that a little note\card or few flowers goes a long way to make someone feel appreciated.

I'm the same, worrying about what I said or did. And in emails too. As others have said it's probably part of being an anxious person. And blaming ourselves when things go wrong.
I tend to overcompensate by keeping my mouth shut when I should be saying something. As my Dad taught, "when in doubt, say nowt."
But then they think I'm anti-social.

How nice to be so sensitive! I’d love it if I had such sensitive friends or family !

Sounds like you’ve got some anxiety issues hon x

I think that is quite natural for a thoughtful caring person.

I used to have this due to depression and low self esteem. Had therapy and was taught to draw a circle, divide it into quarters then label them Thoughts, Emotions, Physical Senses (ie my wrists used to ache when I felt stressed) and Actions. Then each siuation this happens, write down how you are in each quarter. It really helps because you start to want to break the cycle!

I get that. If I've been out with friends I look back and wonder if I said anything I shouldn't have. I just would hate to unwittingly offend anyone. I'm not stressed or depressed. I think it's pretty normal, particularly as we get older and value our friends and family more.

Oh this has helped me so much this morning. thanks so much for sharing this as this happens to me all the time and yesterday we had a neighbour’s bbq and I just spent the whole night worrying about it all and what I said and didn’t say/do. So this post has helped me to know I’m not alone. You never know who you can help on here just by being open. I’ll stop worrying about it now and enjoy the day ahead and hope you have a good day too.

I always feel EXACTLY the same. Often text them afterwards apologising. Why?

I occasionally think of a retort or something i should have said if anyones said something, the time,but apart from that i dont rehash things or worry about what ive said! Why should we.were entitled to say what we think.

Me too! Not so much with friends or family (the few I have left) but I volunteer at a NT house and often go home worrying I've said something out of place or over-familiar to visitors! Nobody's complained yet thank heavens.

I get a bit like that too, but I think it’s more a lack of confidence as I’ve got older.

I am like this and I know exactly what it is. It is called lack of self esteem. I was born worried but my mean super controlling Father didn’t help.

Amagran - sorry, I know a bit about depression, both personally and professionally, and worrying of this nature is classic. You can be depressed and also be a nice person concerned about others.

OP's description of a "sinking feeling" is also absolutely characteristic of depression.

If a bit of CBT could help this lady, then why not go for it?

Well, I'm not a psychologist, Luckygirl, but I would say it is a symptom of being a nice person who cares about not offending anyone, rather than being a symptom of depression. To worry about whether you have said the right thing is so much better than being totally lacking in self-awareness and not caring about what other people think.

Relax, Glenfinnan, you don't sound like the sort of person who would get things wrong in social situations.

think its a bit of depression here..but glad you are going out and about...wish i had friends to go to lunch with ..

Oh Bradfordlass I’m glad you said that! As I read the thread I thought it was only me!! We are all so full of insecurity..... and I think I am strong too but I’m finding as I get older I am less sure.

TBH this is a classic symptom of depression - maybe seek some counselling or CBT.

CrazyH.not too late to thank her by phone or send a gift or card

I do this too. Always have and so I guess sadly I always will.