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Sinking feeling but why?

(61 Posts)
Glenfinnan Mon 26-Aug-19 13:38:30

I know this is irrational but each time I entertain or meet family or friends for lunch etc. I’m always happy at the time. But after they have left or Im back home I always get the feeling I should have done more, shouldn’t have talked so much etc etc Am I the only one?? This is a new thing for me.

dragonfly46 Mon 26-Aug-19 13:46:41

Glenfinnan I wonder why this is if it is a new thing. Are you worried about anything, a little depressed maybe.
I used to be just like that when I was younger. I used to go over every event in my head afterwards and wonder if I said the right thing, or talked too much or too little.
I only occasionally feel like that though now when I meet new people. With most of my friends I feel I can relax as they accept me for what I am.
Maybe try not to dwell on what has passed and when you get in do something proactive like watching a tv programme or reading.

SalsaQueen Mon 26-Aug-19 13:48:16

I'm the same, and in my case, I think it's linked to my depression & anxiety. I worry about what I've said/not said, how I behaved, etc.

DanniRae Mon 26-Aug-19 13:48:32

No you are NOT!
I drive myself crazy after being with, mainly, friends - not so bad with family - thinking "Why did I say that or why did I not say that". The way I deal with it is to say to myself "Stop doing that!" and make myself think of something else.
The reason I don't feel the same after being with family is because I know if I spoke out of line one of my 'dear' family would tell me!
I hope this helps.

KatyK Mon 26-Aug-19 14:16:09

Me too. Did I talk to much, was I boring, did I ask them about themselves or did I just talk about me?

BradfordLass72 Tue 27-Aug-19 00:00:24

Always with me it's talking too much. You may have noticed from my posts grin but friends tell me not to be so silly - especially those who like my accent.

We are full of self-doubts aren't we? And I'm really quite a confident person - but still they creep in.

Onward and upward Glenfinnan - and never forget that what you say may just help someone one day. You never know.

crazyH Tue 27-Aug-19 00:07:02

Glenfin.....I am exactly the same. Had a family gathering yesterday, in my son's house. D.i.l. worked hard and I feel I didn't thank her enough. I feel I said all the wrong things. So, you're not alone 😂

Glenfinnan Tue 27-Aug-19 07:52:15

Thank you all SO much for your words of comfort and for being so open and candid.
Good practical ideas too for distraction from these thoughts. I’m very grateful x

BlueBelle Tue 27-Aug-19 08:29:19

Oh I m another one always go over and over things thinking I talked too much, said the wrong things, was too loud
I recently had a lovely meet up with friends but one left early without giving a reason, I went over and over and over what I’d said, because at one point we had had opposing views, nothing nasty, just a different point of view about something (not political I might add) and I managed to convince myself that I d gone over the top and said something unkind, (I knew I hadn’t) talked over her, etc etc however I met her by accident the other day and she was smiling, chatty and normal, so I m sure I made all that drama up in my head afterwards
If it’s any consolation glen you are not alone

BradfordLass72 Tue 27-Aug-19 08:52:34

crazyH I'm sure you did thank her enough, you're that sort of person but there's always a nice bunch of flowers to back up the message.
flowers

Teetime Tue 27-Aug-19 09:04:01

I do it too - agonise for ages over every detail.

Moocow Tue 27-Aug-19 10:08:22

I do this too. Always have and so I guess sadly I always will.

Jaye53 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:09:30

CrazyH.not too late to thank her by phone or send a gift or card

Luckygirl Tue 27-Aug-19 10:10:40

TBH this is a classic symptom of depression - maybe seek some counselling or CBT.

Skinnylizzie Tue 27-Aug-19 10:24:10

Oh Bradfordlass I’m glad you said that! As I read the thread I thought it was only me!! We are all so full of insecurity..... and I think I am strong too but I’m finding as I get older I am less sure.

moggie57 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:26:09

think its a bit of depression here..but glad you are going out and about...wish i had friends to go to lunch with ..

Amagran Tue 27-Aug-19 10:26:17

Well, I'm not a psychologist, Luckygirl, but I would say it is a symptom of being a nice person who cares about not offending anyone, rather than being a symptom of depression. To worry about whether you have said the right thing is so much better than being totally lacking in self-awareness and not caring about what other people think.

Relax, Glenfinnan, you don't sound like the sort of person who would get things wrong in social situations.

Luckygirl Tue 27-Aug-19 10:29:26

Amagran - sorry, I know a bit about depression, both personally and professionally, and worrying of this nature is classic. You can be depressed and also be a nice person concerned about others.

OP's description of a "sinking feeling" is also absolutely characteristic of depression.

If a bit of CBT could help this lady, then why not go for it?

janeayressister Tue 27-Aug-19 10:32:54

I am like this and I know exactly what it is. It is called lack of self esteem. I was born worried but my mean super controlling Father didn’t help.

Bazza Tue 27-Aug-19 10:33:00

I get a bit like that too, but I think it’s more a lack of confidence as I’ve got older.

Camelotclub Tue 27-Aug-19 10:35:06

Me too! Not so much with friends or family (the few I have left) but I volunteer at a NT house and often go home worrying I've said something out of place or over-familiar to visitors! Nobody's complained yet thank heavens.

Nannan2 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:35:10

I occasionally think of a retort or something i should have said if anyones said something, the time,but apart from that i dont rehash things or worry about what ive said! Why should we.were entitled to say what we think.

Alypoole Tue 27-Aug-19 10:35:42

I always feel EXACTLY the same. Often text them afterwards apologising. Why?

Sarbas Tue 27-Aug-19 10:39:09

Oh this has helped me so much this morning. thanks so much for sharing this as this happens to me all the time and yesterday we had a neighbour’s bbq and I just spent the whole night worrying about it all and what I said and didn’t say/do. So this post has helped me to know I’m not alone. You never know who you can help on here just by being open. I’ll stop worrying about it now and enjoy the day ahead and hope you have a good day too.

Scottiebear Tue 27-Aug-19 10:40:39

I get that. If I've been out with friends I look back and wonder if I said anything I shouldn't have. I just would hate to unwittingly offend anyone. I'm not stressed or depressed. I think it's pretty normal, particularly as we get older and value our friends and family more.