Sinking feeling but why?

Me too!
It drives me mad to be honest, in fact hard as I try in any given situation, I find myself going over and over what I said, did (or didn't do!)

Meant also to say I’ve bookmarked and saved all your kind and warm replies to look back at when feeling vulnerable. ❤️

Well ladies again my thanks for ALL your comments and encouragement. I shall think of you all when I next feel like this and will take heart! Hope you will all do this too! Giving each other strength ❤️❤️

Funny this should come up. I'm exactly the same. We don't do much entertaining, DH can't cope with it but if we do it usually goes well and I feel it's been a success then I start to overthink it and think how I should have done this or that differently. Before I know it the event has turned from a success into a disaster and I feel very downhearted. Same with going out for a meal with friends. I re-cast it later in my mind.

Yes I am the same . I overthink everything.Its the way we are .I think we are the types that wouldn’t knowingly upset anyone but we are easy to pick on .. I think the main cause is anxiety and worrying increases it .Its a vicious circle .Simetines it would be good to have the ability to wipe your mind clean .

Maggie1952 I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved sister. Your grief in these early weeks following her death must be very raw still. You may have realized by now that you posted in the wrong thread, but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I have no real advice for you about your mother’s ring, other than to do nothing and hope your bereaved BIL will realise it came from your side of the family and should go back to one of you. Take care?

Wonderful how these messages often touch s nerve, I always feel like that way Glenfinnan but try to tell myself you're not important enough for people to remember what you've said, they'll have forgotten it by now !

Yes deeper issues going on here. I am also like it. Have low esteem caused by controlling husband. We are probably OK people who worry. I try to do the box thing. It can be difficult when husband who cannot cook makes remark- negative- about a lovely meal I cooked. He did not get away with it when he did it again in front of son!

Me too Glenfinnan, I have this problem. It is definitely linked to depression as I have noticed when I am like it I have low self esteem also. What I try to do is to think at the time when you were with these people how did you feel? I am guessing ok and it’s only after that the thoughts starts. I think that I never thought it at the time so it’s my mind telling me I aren’t good enough. You certainly will be a lovely person to know as you have these thoughts so you obviously listen to conversations and will have empathy. I met my daughters boyfriend for the first time and a day later went over and over the meeting and felt so depressed but I have been having counselling about all this and the counsellor explained that at some point I felt not good enough for people to know. It didn’t help at the meeting being tipsy on half a cider as I hadn’t eaten for hours but apparently he like me. So it is all about confidence and self esteem and that voice going on in our head picking over things so try next time to remember at the time you won’t of felt the way you think you did. X

We have just lost our darling youngest sister 6 weeks ago to cancer. It’s been a dreadful year, devastating and heartbreaking. Our mother died when she was young and left her engagement ring to my darling deceased sister. We as siblings are close. This ring has no monetary value to us purely sentimental. My deceased sister has sons both married but my sisters relationship with her DIL’s was not close and there were instances whereby she was hurt by them. Nothing has been mentioned about this very special ring. BTW, we are deeply fond of my bereaved Brother IL who we can only say took such wonderful care of my sister and to whom we will be eternally grateful. What as a family should we do? A delicate gentle approach or not? Thanks for reading this

Definitely

I agree with this Amagran , People who care about you obviously do know you and accept you for being you ! I too worry about stuff like this and then suddenly someone will say something nice about our time together and I realise I couldn't have been that bad !

I was extremely confident from my late teens until I was early 50s. This past few years I've turned into a real worrier. It drives me insane. There's some good comments on here. It does appear it may well be an age thing.

I always fell the same so you are not alone

Glenfinnan you are not alone. I often feel that way too. And it's definitely got worse as I've got older. I seem to analyse things more now and wonder if I have said some thing upsetting etc. I also worry more about what others might think about things I wouldn't give any thought to when I was younger. I try hard not to but I just can't help having horrible feelings of anxiety

If I find myself doing that (which I did frequently) , I tell myself that it has come and gone now and I can't change. So I mentally put it in a box, shut the lid and throw it out! Hugs to you xx

I think the ability to listen carefully and not jump in with one's own experience is very important and valued. So if you ask how they/their mother/their bad back etc is and genuinely listen to their reply before answering that is helpful. You might then say That must have been a difficult time or so pleased little Sam is doing so well at school etc. Since a counciller friend said this I noticed how most people find listening hard .

I never feel that way; but my wife often says that I should be less free with my opinions when asked what I think ? But as it's family and they have in most cases known me since childhood, they should only ask my opinion if they want it. Having said that if any have an issue that requires sensitivity, they all approach me first. So I'm not entirely at home in clod hoppers

Most of us were brought up being told we were showing off if we put our heads above the parapet. Girls in particular were expected to be quiet and modest.

Fortunately I came to my senses in my twenties. Partly because other people aren’t paying that close attention to every word we utter and most don’t pay that much attention to what others are doing or wearing. They are probably too busy fretting about what others think about them. People who are mentally criticising you are not worthy of your care and concern because they have “issues” of their own.

Life is to short , just enjoy yourself . If you had done anything to offend or upset someone , I'm sure someone would of said something . Chill out and just be yourself .

I know my problem. Low (well no) self esteem.. I have never felt even remotely as good as everyone else so am constantly questioning myself.

I do the same as DanniRae now. I think it's actually an OCD thing that some of us replay events and conversations in our heads getting increasingly anxious about the details. So now I just distract myself when it happens. If you find that hard, try the elastic band around the wrist trick. Snap it just hard enough to hurt when you "disobey" your own instructions to stop thinking. It also helps with obsessing over ex-partners, btw

I'm just the same. If we're having visitors (not a frequent event any more) I agonise over food likes/dislikes etc. But afterwards hit rock bottom thinking about what I should have done or said differently. I have lost a lot of self confidence and I know I'm depressed.i have always been the people pleaser in my family - I had some counselling & that helped also recently did a 8 week mindfulness course which wasn't too expensive which was very good & helped me feel better about life. You sound like a thoroughly nice lady thats kind to everyone except yourself.

I haven't time to read all you answers but I would imagine that you are always invited again to these sorts of things. You'd probably find that those invites didn't get given if you were bad company!

It seems when we are overstretched this happens. A pre primed tool may be that if you know roughly who is coming get a list together to ask attendees about themselves, good things like how did you feel after scoring that goal? How and what questions are generally ones that get people opening up.
Give it a try , a Dale Carnegie tool was to have little cards on the others interests, ie ask about the puppy, painting, holiday.