Palliative care versus treatment- should one try to influence?

She has been told it is curable but the treatment will be hard and there could be life changing effects.

trisher, I have suggested Macmillan to her husband.

I expect they are scared of her dying, and the pain she may experience before that. They are perhaps hoping for more time with her.

I have given very clear instructions to my family that they need to get me a one-way ticket to the clinic in Switzerland, should I ever get too ill.

It's not about how many days you have left. It's about how many good days and being pain-free and comfortable for as long as possible.

Nobody should be pressured into undergoing treatment that they don't want, and certainly not to spare the feelings of family members. There's already a lot of pressure from doctors and society. Think of all that's said about bravely fighting cancer etc. and the negativity associated with giving up or letting go!

The decision is totally the patients

It is her life and her decision entirely. It is between her and her family but hopefully they will accept her wishes. I do not think anybody else should involve themselves. If it were me I would hope pressure would not be exerted on me by outside influences.

I think it is up to your friend but it must be so hard for her husband and daughter.

It can't be easy for them to think rationally when their loved one is so ill.

To be fair, she is currently not ill as such. That must be a dilemma really as she feels ok but knows it will get worse.

Dh wont do any more in the way of 'persuasion' than giving her the phone number and both of us have offered support to her and her family whatever she eventually decides.

We are of the opinion that it is her choice but I wondered whether we missing something by feeling that way.

Thank you for all comments - it seems we are not missing anything.

I would say definitely her choice. My father chose palliative care for his bile duct cancer at the age of 92. He said “I’ve had a good innings”. He died with dignity and faith. His oncologist told him he would have made the same choice in his position.

If she really has been told it is curable I can well understand her family's pain.
It may be tough for her but if I thought I was going to beat it I would do it.

My mother has just transitioned from palliative care to hospice- She's 100- Could more have been done prior? I think so- But it wasn't my decision to make- Those hard facts don't stop me from "feeling" like I want someone to "fix her", to help her regain her health instead of letting her go- She's my mum after all- However it's her life and her decision- I have to understand and honor it- But I also understand anyone who feels like they wish more could be done for a loved one-