Palliative care versus treatment- should one try to influence?

My friend chose palliative care and enjoyed her last months.

My son’s MinL was persuaded to go for treatment and her last months were absolutely dreadful. I visited her just before the end and was shocked to see the person she had become. I told my son never to let me get to this state.

This is just my experience but I know what I would opt for without a doubt.

I think it's terrible to try and pressurise someone on such an important and personal decision.

Unless anyone has walked in her shoes (which of course, they haven't, because everyone's experience is different) then I think its an awful thing to do.

varian last year when my husband was very ill he was glad to see visitors and enjoyed reminiscing with his brothers and friends but I suggest keeping your visit short as it can be very tiring.

I also have a friend in this situation who is opting for palliative care only. Her husband and family accept that it is her decision, but I know it can't be easy for them to accept. Her death will come sooner but they hope she will suffer less.

It is very difficult for friends to know what to say to her. I am, and at the same time am not, looking forward to visiting her but I am worried I might get it wrong.

Do you know what the medical advice is? How likely is the treatment to be successful if she accepts it? There may be good reasons why she has chosen palliative care. If there are good reasons and the doctors think her choice is reasonable it is unfair to spoil what time she has left by making her feel guilty. However if treatment is very likely to be successful and the side effects and risks of treatment aren't too great then the people who are going to grieve for her will eventually take comfort from knowing there was nothing more they could have done to encourage her to accept help. I think your dh has been put in an unfair position but I can understand why the husband and daughter have done this. Such a difficult time for everyone.

Completely agree Teetime. My mum decided no more blood transfusions and although desperately sad we had to let her choose. Friend at the moment has chosen treatment if at all possible. It has to be patients choice.

Totally agree Teetime - I would wish my loved ones to accept my decision.

As you know, my choice, and available to me here in Switzerland- would be to make the very best of the quality of time left, then go. OH knows, kids know- they know that if ever I have to make the choice, they have to respect it.

If only people talked- couples, children, brothers and sisters - in advance, when all is well - about wishes in case.

It’s really her decision to make but I understand their motivation. Not an easy decision for anybody involved.

I think its unfair to put pressure on anyone in this situation. Far better to leave it to the person concerned to make up their own mind based on the information they are getting from their clinicians and possibly one very close loved one e.g. the husband. Poor lady she needs peace of mind at this stage not conflicting opinions.