threatening son

Yes I can see how much this is hurting you and your DH.
This may sound extreme, but as all other avenues have not come to any good conclusion, how about speaking to a Social Worker?

Well done Val for taking that first step. I strongly suggest you make a few notes and see your GP as soon as you can. Tell the truth, get it out and hopefully there will be some support.

Marelli
I have now accessed families anonymous I hope to attend a support group very soon

gratefruitpip

I totally agree, this is whats happened here in my life. Life is so difficult

Optimist
Your words have given me hope
x

It is hard to know what comes first. People smoking cannabis may have an increased risk of developing a psychotic illness but people while developing a mental illness may try to self medicate and try cannabis to calm them. Chicken and egg situation.

I worked for a mental health trust for a number of years that was attached to the mental health ward. Sadly, many of the young, beautiful psychotic people in one of the wards were their as a result of smoking marijuana.

Marijuana, may indeed encourage people to eat but they probably won't be eating something healthy.

I do wish people wouldn't make sweeping statements based on little or no actual knowledge.

Marijuana use completely changed the personality of a family member, so I have some direct knowledge. The person lost a great deal of weight, personality altered, scarcely recognisable.

Excellent advice from Ibelonghere.

Saetana, I agree.

One more point - if he is losing weight then its highly unlikely marijuana is the problem, or at least not the only problem, marijuana is well known for causing "munchies" (strong urge to eat a lot) and can help people with chronic medical conditions who have little appetite (my husband) including cancer patients. Loss of weight is usually caused by "uppers" - speed, cocaine and crack.

I speak from personal experience here - you cannot force, or even suggest, someone gets help unless they are ready to accept help, which means accepting they have a problem. Until the person involved accepts themself that they have a problem, little can be done. Time for tough love and some ultimatums maybe if his behavoiur is impacting you and your family - although I am a little sceptical that it is marijuana causing the problem, it is not an aggressive drug and it rarely causes addiction issues. I can think of other drugs that fit this bill but do not want to put words in your mouth.

Val05, what you are doing is not helping your son. I know it will be very upsetting but you need to get him out of your house. He's an adult so you need to let him go. If he won't leave and/or threatens you, involve the police.

EllanVannin. Cannabis does NOT usually lead to harder drugs. I myself often smoked cannabis in my teens and 20’s. When I gave up smoking cigarettes this stopped too. Have never, ever been tempted to smoke either again. I can scarcely believe I ever smoked now as I find it utterly repulsive.

Val, please, when you have time to yourself, Google Families Anonymous? They have an online discussion group where you can talk about issues caused by family members' drug misuse. You can also find out, when you look at the website, where you may be able to attend a 'support' group.

It sounds as if you and your husband have become victims of your son's coersive control, a criminal offense since 2015. Perhaps a 30 minute free appointment with a solicitor might be useful to find out what steps you can take.
It is a wretched situation for you. I wish you well.

Val my heart breaks for you. You have tried so hard to do the right thing and it’s only now, when you’ve reached rock bottom, that you have to try something different. I agree with others that you, with the best will in the world, are enabling him in his addiction so something has got to change.
Please take Bluebelle’s advice and get some help - make Monday the day. We all want to support you so come back when you need to.
Sending love and so many good wishes. Xx

I am so sorry your family is suffering so much

Your son needs to hit rock bottom to make changes and it will not happen if you keep rescuing him from his bad decisions.

Boundaries and tough love are needed.
He should try to find a job and move out within a month. If no job, he has to move out anyway.

He will land on his feet.
He will find a way to adult if you do not give him a roof over his head, food, laundry, etc.
He will be ok.

As a mother, I can empathize with how torn and worried you are for what you're going through. I agree that asking your son to leave could put him in serious jeopardy. Your son's aggressive behavior is a cry for help because he's no longer able to help himself!

In reading many of these posts, it's also clear that your son needs more help than you and DH alone are able to provide.

For the sake of your own physical health and emotional sanity, please reach out to your GP and ask him/her to recommend a good, competent family therapist. If your son is reluctant, perhaps a close family member, friend or Pastor would be willing to intervene.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family

All classic signs of coke use, in my opinion.

I'm an avid reader, but have never posted - until now.
7 years ago, my (then) 28 year old behaved in exactly the same way - but also stole from me, told me he had Parkinsons disease and completely ruined me: emotionally and financially. I drew the line one day - after he threatened me - and changed the locks. On the grapevine I heard that he was imprisoned for a year (on a separate GBH charge) behaved similarly towards friends, and eventually found himself homeless . I wrote to him every Christmas for 6 years, but never received a reply. It crucified me, but I eventually accepted it.
Fast forward to 2 months ago - he contacted me to make peace - part of the 12 steps programme, as he was actually addicted to cocaine. He has attempted suicide twice over the past 3 months, but thank God - hes still here.
I would never allow him to live with me again, but he pops in every other day or so and I feed him. I've also paid for eight counselling sessions for him, which seem to be helping him enormously.
My advice to you is - as you say - not to enable his behaviours. Be there, but make it clear that you will not tolerate his poor behaviour towards you. You cannot change others' behaviour - you can only change your own.
When he contacted me after 7 years, it was the happiest day - we are rebuilding our relationship and I desperately hope that his life will improve. I wish the same for you Val05 ... much love for his recovery, and even more so, for yours and your husband's too.

Val, so much good, solid advice is offered here, but you cannot delay. I agree with BlueBelle to make Monday the day you seek professional help from your GP (there are posters in the surgeries these days with details of local support organisations/groups for families of drug users. Don't be embarrassed what your friends and neighbours think. You need all the help and support you can get, and people are generally very kind when they are aware of such situations as yours. Sending you a big hug and wishing you light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, marijuana is not the benign drug we've been told it is, or how it was when I was young. At least the stuff here in the States is very strong, and the sellers brag how much it messes you up by giving names like Dementia and Train Wreck. And it can cause psychosis, or at very least prevent the user from ever progressing beyond his day to day existence to self-sufficiency.

A lot of what you have said here is ringing bells with me. I have an Adult Child who is loud, criticising, swearing, abusive verbally, stated facts wrong but wont accept the truth when told it, this is done with the weaker people in the family, their driving is terrifying but wont curb the speeding etc.
I dont want to scare you but one day the violence started. It was awful and heartbreaking. I have now stayed away but others are still in that situation.
I struggle to see my child through all the horrible conduct. I fear my child is not in that body anymore. I have no idea what to do apart from trying to stay away for my own safety

I’ve dealt with this with my eldest my advice would be take him back to his own flat and tell him he’s staying there . Provide him with very basics of food and heating either pay yourself or give him Asda vouchers . Be there when he needs to talk. needs to wash his clothes etc . Do not accept the emotional blackmail , swearing , threatening etc . He gets money he spends it on weed he’s an adult he has to make choices .