Tolerant or Intolerant?

How often (regularly) do we get threads lamenting the quality or otherwise of other threads?
At the risk of being controversial , is one not allowed to respond honestly especially where one has strong feelings?
Many’s the time I have simply ignored a thread or OP because I just don’t think it is worth the hassle, but sometimes I don’t see why I should contribute to the “silence indicates assent” philosophy.
Sowing seeds of dissent? I wonder.
Without dissent there would be little discussion, let alone argument.
That said, this is precisely the sort of OP to generate more heat and wrangling.

We can only take what's posted here, at face value.
If someone seems rude maybe they have some sort of problem, maybe their idea of robust is my idea of rude, or maybe they are just plain rude.
I hope that I don't come across as rude, to other GNers, when I believe I am simply stating and backing up my views.

I've seen plenty of threads where the OP's contribution to their problem has been pointed out.
Sometimes they even say it's helped them to see things in a new light.

I'm much more concerned by the opposite problem. Somebody posts about a situation caused by their own unwise decisions, bad attitude or behaviour. I think 'What an idiot!'

They are then swamped by sympathetic, supportive, reassuring replies from those 'on their side'. It's sickening!

I just can't believe that nobody seems to want to point out the obvious error of their ways or disagree with them.

I believe that's so unhelpful. How will they ever learn to have insight with all this validation?

I first came on this site a few years ago looking for tips on long distance grandparenting. I took great comfort from the replies I received and since then have enjoyed many of the lighthearted threads. However, I steer clear of anything too serious or political as it can soon become very unpleasant. I think arguing without seeing body language, facial expression or hearing tone of voice can cause misunderstandings.

So you are now "othering" those who don't agree as a group you call "aggressive" while ignoring your own aggression towards others. You then go on with the usual trick of making them "less than" in some way just as Jews were heaped together as "avaricious" and people of colour as "not so bright" among the other awful things that trip off some people's tongues or pens.

In this case, to make those you have decided to attack "less than", you have decided they are not "happy and confident", they have "severe mental problems or are bipolar" ... and you think you are the ones who should sit in judgement on the behaviour of others or rather the group you have "othered". Those who, are only actually a group because, from time to time, the disagree with your point of view. Let's face it, your "othered" group are not those who share your view - are they?

I am passionate about the Independence of my country my anti royalty views and one or two other things ,that doesn't make me "mentally ill" or have no life. My opinion is every bit as valid as anyone elses I have been accused of having a sad life by someone here before.It would however be a very sad world if we all shared the same views ,had the same opinions and came here to pat each others backs and say here here .What would be the point of a group for non discussion?There are one or two posters I try to avoid because I know how it will go ,sometimes I think they wait for my posts because sure as fate they pop up right away to set me straight .
If I wanted to be in a knitting circle and discuss patterns or grandchildren or the weather then thats where I'd be .I had no idea thats what some thought this site should be until recently.I have seen some fab ,feisty people with strong opinions be pushed off the site because of others who think their opinions are more important .Thats bullying in the real world ..and its bullying on here .

There are those who hold valid opinions which are diametrically opposed to the opinions of others and feel they are worth defending, with facts and logical deductions, and there are those who could start a fight in an empty room, just by entering it.

Before replying sharply to a poster (or before getting upset by a sharp reply) it is better to take a moment to consider whether the reply is against the opinion or against the poster and whether logic or blind fury has prompted it. Whichever it is, reply firmly but politely. If it was a logical rebuttal, remember that it is just possible that the other poster is right, whatever your original post. If it is emotional and illogical - don't pour oil on the flames by adding your own anger, better to let them cool a bit by waiting ten minutes before replying!

Fighting purely for the sake of verbally defeating someone is a game in itself - only play if you enjoy the skirmish. Choose your battles.

We have no way of knowing if posters have severe mental problems or are bipolar - just have to address the thread as we see fit.

I have to say Bradford that there's a certain ironic hostility in your OP by indicating that feisty or argumentative posters have mental health problems!

There are plenty of non-contentious threads for those looking for support or a bit of fun.

I took the initial post to mean that people who seem to set out to bully and belittle others are unlikely to be happy in their own skin. If you are truly happy and confident you don’t need to prove it to people you don’t know personally. The majority on here are kind and helpful and can disagree without being objectionable.

I wonder if some of the aggressive posters have alienated their real life friends.

I will definitely stand up for myself in real life. Just can't see the point of getting embroiled in arguments on threads.

We're dealing with a few strong personalities and over the years I've learned to stand my ground thus at times sounding that I'm one of those " intolerant " posters but I call it " defending my corner " as I won't be walked over.

For the majority of the time I am tolerant but will still say things as they are rather than skirting around a subject which, may sound to others that I'm intolerant.

Perhaps some of us have dealt with life in general that bit more ?

Have you just been reading too many threads BradfordLass?

Like the nazis and every intolerant group in history, first you identify and divide, then you blame while being just as intolerant and, in at least one case, dictatorial as anyone on the forum.

"Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

If you think anyone who says this to those of you who set out to "other" and attack is angry you know less about human nature than even I believed possible. This thread just makes me feel very, very sad for our future.

I can understand why people are put off. I find it best to steer clear. If I do end up in something that's turning nasty then I just abandon ship, as it were.

I think the majority of posters are polite and kind.

There's only a handful who seem to enjoy causing mini spats.

They will know why.

Quite a few of the tart comments that appear in threads are between people who have a history of flyting exchanges, so don't always assume that it is newcomers who are being attacked. If I were giving examples, I might even include GracesGranMK3's reply to Bradfordlass's original post in those exchanges - both of them being frequent posters in the more robust threads.

My advice to newcomers would be to spend a while just reading posts before plunging into the middle of a robust discussion - then you will get an idea of which posters could turn on you, and know that it is just their habit to do so, and not particularly personal.

BradfordLass yes, a very fair point, and one I have considered about certain posters.However, if they are never brought up short about their behaviour presumably would carry on forever.I do just ignore certain ones though, it’s the best way.

You really can't see it can you? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. This is one of the most insulting, rude and designed to see people as "them" or "us" threads that I have come across. You are either posting in the expectation that everyone will agree with you or that you will annoy those who don't share your point of view enough to deliberately inflame others. So which is it? Do you think you are so entitled to agreement that this is all that would happen or is the OP a forum flammer?

I just think that there must be some issues in their lives and this is their only outlet for their angst. It's quite pathetic as I don't see why they can't explain themselves and their behaviour by passing it off as an " off day " due to something on their mind----if they're honest !

When this was happening on another forum that I frequented, I found out that the person who was abusive toward me was a drinker and used to do her abusing late at night where I'd see the posts next day. However, that person went on to insult/abuse someone else but met her match !

Generally I think that it's best to ignore responses that are clearly antagonistic. I think some people just love a good row online, they are going for the attention.

I just try to steer clear of any threads where I see the comments are becoming heated in an unkind way. These threads usually end up as only involving two or three contributors who just argue amongst themselves.

There are people who I would not want to socialise or debate with in real life, but who are perfectly entitled to use a public forum. I would avoid them in real life as I do on a forum. (They probably wouldn't want to bother with me either ! !).

I’ve only been on here since May and dip into different threads and it astonishes me that clearly intelligent educated people use insults freely to disparage posters who hold different views. And that’s apart from getting people’s names wrong and refusing to apologise for their rudeness.

I agree Maggie,I don’t get involved, they aren’t people I would want to interact with in real life, I don’t think they’re clever, or amusing, I just think they’re downright rude and unpleasant.

Doesn't the OP itself show an high level of intolerance of other people's point of view? This, only to be followed by a gross "othering" of those who disagree by describing them, with a large hint that these people are not like "us" as "they have little input in the real world." How very condescending!

I think we bring together a great many different life cultures and it might be worth considering your way of looking at life may not just be different to others, it may cause annoyance and offence. Perhaps it is even enough to make it considered as disruptive and bad mannered as you describe others as being.

There is no entitlement to be considered to be "right" in this world. The offence some take when their post is not thought of as their friends would see it is exactly what I would expect from from those who believe their thinking must be consider both acceptable and correct. That sense of entitlement appears to be enough to write a post intended to goad or inflame "others".

There’s a handful of posters on here who behave as you describe. I don’t really care what their motivation is, tbh, I just don’t engage with them. If that means not answering a question or leaving a thread, so be it.

Rather than feel sorry for the usual suspects, my sympathy goes to those new or unaware posters who bump into them.