New grandchild presents from my friends

you have to give them .as they are gifts .then its up to them what they do with them. then kindly say to your friends that are the gift givers that the parents have they own style of living ,and that maybe gift vouchers would be better ,so they can buy what they want.dont pretend to say a card is from them etc ,thats lie-ing.. give the gifts .but then say to your friends please no more....maybe some flowers instead..

My son and his partner 's little one is now 5 weeks old.He dropped a brochure intothe home of a man my OH knowsfrom the pub.Not a friend by any means.The mans wife came running out with a gift for the baby ,he was very surprised as he'd never met this family before .It was very kind of them in my opinion and sometimes people just like to share in the joy a newborn brings.Baby was wearing the dress and cardigan yesterday when they were here and its very cute .Thats what I mean about EVERYONE buying presents just the mention of a birth and they flood in.
We do know an awful lot of people.

My daughter-in-law has lots of thank you postcards made up with a photo on one side and thank you message on the other, with room for names and maybe a small personalised message.

I say send the thank you notes yourself. The gifts were given because of your relationship with the givers, as a gesture of friendship to you. Even if the ultimate recipient was the baby.

I’ve enjoyed reading all your responses to my small dilemma (and of course I realise how minor it is and how lucky I am with a loving family). I think Readymeals (above) hits the nail on the head about the gift giving being a gesture of friendship with me, so I willindeed send a note myself to my friends. My DIL already remarked to me as she opened a very prettily (over) packaged box of three (no doubt overpriced) bibs, how kind it is for that friend to go to the trouble of buying the baby a present....... so she is very grateful. I offered to thank them on her behalf and she said that’d be great.
Thank you for all your replies.... I was just interested in your different opinions and didn’t intend to “make heavy weather out of it”!!

welbeck I agree that there is far too much consumption of unnecessary products but in this particular instance I'm of the view that a little indulgence of a new baby is not such a terrible thing. And when people have been kind enough to send gifts, it is much nicer to thank them than to ignore them.

Maybe women are sometimes over-concerned about how their words and actions/inactions are perceived, and affect, others. However, I think that sometimes men are not concerned enough - at least going by some of the posts on Gransnet.

I wouldn't send thank you notes on their behalf unless specifically asked to do so.

What I would do is explain to my friends about the lifestyle my son and daughter-in-law have chosen and that you sadly do not feel your friends' gifts will be appreciated at all, as the young couple are trying to live as simply as possible. Give your friends the opportunity of taking back their presents and using the money saved to give presents to people who they know will be grateful for them.

I realise this is difficult and potentially embarrassing to have to do, but after all if the young couple were diabetics you would explain that they don't want to be given chocolate, or if your DIL was Jewish that she didn't eat pork, wouldn't you?

These young people have made a reasoned and deliberate choice and to me it seems disrespectful not to take that choice seriously. Lying to your friends seems a rather dubious thing to do too, and after all if you thank them on your son and daughter-in-law's behalf for presents you know they didn't want that is a kind of lie, isn't it?

You can thank your friends for their kind intentions, but I do feel you ought to point out that there is little chance of the presents being received in the spirit they were given in.

I realise many people perhaps OP as well will disagree with me in this, but for what it is worth this is my considered opinion.

if they are not materialistic people then they probably don't want all this tat anyway. why encourage more of it by elaborate rituals of thank you cards.
no offence but I just want to put another point of view. also some people view using paper/cards as wasteful to the environment, indeed buying any unnecessary stuff can be seen as a bad habit.
I don't give xmas cards and just try to ignore the ones people send me, so that they will stop doing it. most have stopped. I only send a handful.
I don't think it's rude not to send thank you cards. I was never brought up to do it. if you can't give a gift freely, without expecting something back, eg polishing your ego, don't bother.
virtue is its own reward. I have noticed some women try to control other people by emotional manipulation, insisting on being lauded for the good they do. don't do it then. or do it for its own sake, not pressurising others into behaving a certain way, that's shoddy and dishonest.
on the whole men seem more straightforward. maybe it's social conditioning.
look at the way some women on here agonise over whether their friend wants to stay in contact.
can you imagine a man doing that.
no offence really, but sometimes I think women get themselves into such complications; waste of energy and emotion. just relax. and let others be. and don't take offence where none is given. life is very short. cut out the nonsense. I'm talking to myself too.

Both DDs and their friends send thank you notes with photo of baby on them - not necessarily with outfit on as many people give larger sizes and could wait forever for that. If they don't need particular size etc they usually exchange for bigger size (if possible) in the shop it came from. DGS1 is expected to write a brief note now he is almost 6. From about 4 he had to practise writing his name on the thank you card (mummy is a teacher and he has to practise a lot!).

Have you thought of buying thankyou cards stamping and addressing and just asking them to sign and post. A cop out I know but may settle your mind.
Enjoy new baby.

Could you ask your son and daughter in law if it is OK for you to take a photo of the baby on your phone and send it to your friends as a thank you. You can say the couple are v busy with baby and toddler but have asked you to say thank you that way. We have done that with friends and they to us after presents for grandchildren. And they and we have been very happy about it. New parents really do have a lot on their plates especially when it's a second baby.

Why make such heavy weather of this?

People enjoy buying for new babies. Don't begrudge them the pleasure. Just tell your d-i-l to take them to a charity shop if she doesn't want them.

No reason for your son or d-i-l to send thank you notes. They are your friends and you have thanked them.

I agree with Ready-Meals your friends that you have been generous and thoughtful to want to give a little gift. When my friends do it for my Grand children I say thank you how kind etc and leave it at that.

Trouble is if they thank - people think they did the right thing in getting an unwanted/unsuitable gift and the couple are more likely to get more of the same on little uns birthdays etc. As they do seem to be real minimum consumers (we ALL had to be once upon a time) people need telling - if they really must give - give money.

I do agree that it would be a good idea for you to send a brief thank you note including a picture of the new arrival. Maybe there is a charity local to your DS & DiL that would be grateful for the surplus items to help a needy new mum?
I do buy small gifts for the grandbabies of good close friends, it gives me pleasure as my grandchildren are abroad so I cannot buy much for them - although like GreenGran78 I pack a lot when I go to visit!

Stay out of it!!! Just pass the gifts on and leave it to your DS and DIL to deal with!!

If friends say they havent had an acknowledgement then just say something along the lines of you are sorry to hear that they have forgotten their manners.

Sending a letter of thanks on their behalf could seriously damage your relationship with them if they hear about it.

Congratulations on the new arrival.

Thank the friends for their gifts. It is nice to know they've arrived, but don't overdo the gratitude or you might get more!

Our DD is exactly the same and specifies no plastic and I find it hard to know what to give for birthdays.
Luckily she loves hand knitting but tells me what to knit!! so I always have something to do.

I am heading off soon to visit my little GD in Australia. So many friends have given me Christmas and birthday gifts for her. I have also stocked up on summer clothes bought in the end of season sales here. Clothes are very expensive over there. I especially like the tee shirt with a pelican on (she loves the local pelicans) bought in Sainsbury’s sale for £1.80!
With so many gifts to pack, I will be lucky to have any room for my own stuff. I know that all the gifts will be well-received, though, and have already thanked the donors on their behalf.
Mamo, even if your family don’t want the gifts they should acknowledge peoples’ kindness. Perhaps they have a local women’s refuge, or similar charity, which would be really glad to receive any donations.

I'd certainly send a brief note to your friends saying thank you on behalf of your DS and DiL.
Quite honestly, for your DS and DiL not to do this themselves is quite rude when your friends have gone to the trouble of choosing and buying gifts, regardless of their own beliefs.
Good manners cost nothing !

Having recently had first granddaughter, I suspect it is more to do with the amount and cuteness of girl outfits available. See any baby wear shop for totally disproportionate display of girl outfits v boy outfits.
If thank you notes are a problem, why not send a Touchnote card or similar with a thank you as if from the baby? Sounds twee I know but ticks the box and you can just put your favourite baby photo on the front.

I say send the thank you notes yourself. The gifts were given because of your relationship with the givers, as a gesture of friendship to you. Even if the ultimate recipient was the baby.

Surely good manners trump political correctness and a thank you note should be sent?

I think it’s very kind of your friends to give little gifts to the new grandchild , I also think it’s ok for you to thank these kind friends on behalf of your DS and DIL but feel it would be nicer if it was done by the parents themselves

Yes thank your friends and cross your fingers your DS & DIL will send some kind of thank you. Two friends have had granddaughters lately and I have thoroughly enjoyed buying some baby clothes. The Grans showed me pictures of the babies wearing them and eventually a short note and picture arrived, delighted. They will now have outgrown them so I hope they have gone to a charity shop.

I agree with Eleothan the gifts were given to you to pass on to your family so it's ok for you to thank the donors.
A card would be nice as not everyone is on FB.