How to say no to Dogs after breakup

OMG I don't think I could even cope with my OWN small dogs with that many people and babies in the house!!!

What a dilemma MyLittleCherubs! Personally I would insist she finds someone to care for the dogs, easier said then done I know. I wouldn’t entertain the dogs, but I would explain you are happy to help her with the children as much as possible. If she is struggling with the children the dogs are not helping her. The break up with her partner is heartbreaking for her and if he isn’t taking any responsibility it’s even more hard on you all. Make it clear you cannot take on the dogs.

Oops just re read and she has already left - ignore my useless post. Hope it all works out x

Glad it’s all sorted as much as can be.

Just jumping in to say your daughter and children should stay put if they haven’t already left! If/when grandma comes back and requests them to leave they would become homeless through no fault of their own and be priority case with council.

Living with you could mean she is with you for years! Doesn’t seem to matter how overcrowded you may be! Well THAT is how it seems to work with my local council! Others may be different. I wouldn’t leave a home voluntarily though even if she spends a lot of time with you.

Glad a compromise has been reached.

Such a sad situation. So many dogs are having to be rehomed due to broken relationships.

Oh that’s great news MylittleCherubs - you must be so relieved that it’s all worked out well

Agree GagaJo - the days of getting a council house just because you have young children (esp if you’re not homeless) are long gone, and the absolute best you can hope for is emergency accommodation in B&Bs. I know of people with young children who have been on there for many, many years - it’s terrible.

I was on the list for 13 years, was about to be made homeless and STILL wasn't housed. WITH my dependent daughter. The lists are too long and there are too few houses. Too many sold off by the Tories

Thank you

Hi they both work and she is on maternity leave , also saving for own home so she will get her own place when she’s settled and back in work. Youngest child is not quite 3 months old yet so she does not want to live on her own just yet

Excellent.

Well done x

Thank you everyone, the dogs being with children have never been an issue as they are well trained and daughter works with dogs too , hence the issue of parting from them .

THANK YOU for all your help as we have come to a compromise where she can still see the dogs 2 days a week when dad has children and we will watch GG whilst she takes them out for a few hrs on a Sunday. She was not happy at 1st but we kept firm that we will not home them as it’s unfair to the cats especially and it’s our home . Partner has also agreed and like the GG the dogs are their joint responsibility and neither of them want them re-homed.
She’s actually smiling now

How difficult. When our daughter was battling for survival in a nasty, violent relationship abroad- the only thing that helped her get away was that we agreed to take in her beloved dog. I am so happy we could help her and give him a wonderful last 3 years of life- and her being able to visit.

But in your case, it just seems impossible- so you have to sit her down and work a plan out. Difficult for sure.

No - the dad of my grandkids lives in his mums house and his mum lives in another county hence my daughter living their until breakup - sorry to confuse

Do the Parents want her there for the next twenty years? The sooner she gets on the list the sooner she'll be housed especially as the children are so young.

Getting on the council housing list is by no means a quick fix - people can be on the list for years and if she’s been offered accommodation with her parents who have a house large enough to take her and the 2 DGDs then she’s not homeless and therefore won’t be considered in need of housing.

I'm sure that she can manage just fine with two small children. I coped with four children, work and study (all at once) when I was widowed. She will be motivated to find somewhere to live if she misses the dogs. The present arrangement should be temporary.

Gonegirl what is funny? I don't get it....
OP, as a dog owner myself, I can understand how your daughter feels. In addition to losing her head and and her home, she is losing her dogs too.
However, I totally agree that there is no way that everyone can move into your home and live comfortably.
Her having access to the dogs is probably as good as it is going to get, even if she does get a place of her own.
Very sad all round, but best of you help her see what a huge additional responsibility she is wanting to assume at this stage of her life.
Hope it all works out well.

Tbh I think you should consider you're daughter moving in as a stop gap until she gets her own place. She needs to go to the council and get on the housing list. You say she needs your help with the children but surely you don't have to live in the same house to help her. Did her husband not work, did he stay home and help her? If not then she's perfectly capable of managing the two kids on her own. I don't think helplessness should be encouraged, in fact quite the opposite. She'll get help if she asks for it. I'm a dog lover and have always had multiple dogs but I've always made sure no matter what happened I could afford to keep my dogs and that's exactly what happened. I was told in my divorce to rehome the dogs etc and sell my house so that my ex could have part of what he'd never paid for. I found a way of not doing that. It's always better to help people draw on their own resources rather than step in and take up the slack. Let her get all the help she can for herself and then anything you give her help with will be extra's and no doubt much appreciated.

The children are the priority. TBH two large dogs with two children under two is ridiculous and probably unmanageable for anyone. Just state clearly what you have said above, that you can accommodate daughter and children but not the dogs. She will have to re-home them/ give to rescue.

Crikey - I’ve totally lost track of who’s coming back to where

The mother who owns the house lives in another country.

I hope you can get this sorted and the dogs can stay where they’re settled.

Do you mean your DD lives in another country? If so, does she has permission from her DH to take the children back to the UK?