How to say no to Dogs after breakup

So pleased you have resolved this issue. Well done.

MylittleCherubs. It would seem that your daughter has realised that having her and the two babies and her two dogs to stay with you is asking rather too much. You must be so relieved that an understanding has been reached between her and her partner with regard to sharing the responsibility of the children and the dogs. It is natural that your daughter and the children would wish to be with you and your husband at this difficult time, and I do hope it works out well for you all, that she manages to get her own home and moves on with her new life. We should be there for our children, and support them as we think fit, whilst at the same time encouraging them to be self sufficient. Best wishes.

Ha ha ha Speldnan I don't think the question was "Do you like animals" Clearly you don't so wouldn't understand the predicament anyway. Why post? FWIW...I think the problem has been solved for now!

could you make a run and kennel for the large dogs outside if you have the space? It's unreasonable to expect you to have 2 much larger dogs when you already have 2 of your own and a cat but as others have said it will add to her stress if she has to re home them

Yehbutnibut I totally agree on that! I also don’t like going into other people’s houses who have pets and will avoid doing so!

Thank you for sharing your dogs-phobic post with us Speldnan . I am the same, there are certain people I wouldn’t have in my house too.

I wouldn’t have ANY dogs in my house let alone someone else’s, even if they were my daughter’s...

Glad it's all being resolved and it sounds like a very good arrangement.
I'm pleased they are being reasonable with each other over the children and dogs, long may it last.

Dear MylittleCherubs
I have to say that if I was asked to leave my dogs I would simply not be able to do it. I think it would break me and I would be unable to cope.
You are being very good to your daughter having her to stay with you, naturally, because you love her, you would do no less. But she has lost so much. Her terrible husband turning his back on her at the time when her second child is a baby and first a very little child. She may even have post natal depression with all that has happened. I just can’t imagine what losing her dogs might do her. You say she has had them for years, which means she loves them very much, she will have a very close bond with them and they are like children to her. I really do fear it would be a loss too far for her especially at this time.
I would not be worried about your dogs and cat. If you only had cats that weren’t used to dogs it would be different. But dogs don’t know how big they are and your two little ones will almost certainly show the visitors they are the top dogs! I used to have big dogs and they were very easy, quite lazy and docile. Now I have very small dogs and they are very full of beans, on the go, up to mischief and absolutely sure they are the boss! Dogs like company and the more the merrier! Your cat will serenely deal with the dogs in the way she has dealt with yours.
Please don’t ask your daughter to be separated from her dogs. She has suffered enough. After all, she is only staying with you until she gets her own home, so that is another reason for not asking her to lose her dogs. I still cry remembering a dog I had in my thirties, a golden retriever, which died aged eight. We never forget our dogs. If these two are taken from her, your daughter may not recover. She will go into mourning for them and it might be intolerable pain for her. I know non-dog lovers do not comprehend, but the relationship between dog and owner is such a close and special bond. It is unique, not like that between humans and is actually, in some respects, stronger than that between mother and baby because of the dog’s particular characteristics. My dogs are with me all the time. On my few overnight visits to my grandchildren, I secretly miss them very badly.
I am serious, I truly think if I had to give up my dogs I would be suicidal. The closest way of describing it is to say they are like my children. I had three babies, now adults with their own families. My dogs throughout my life have had as important a place in my life as my children. Every dog is different and some are more remarkable than others. I have been exceptionally lucky to have had the most wonderful, loyal, instinctively understanding, amazing dogs. My dogs have kept me going through very hard times. Your daughter will be the same about her dogs, I am sure. She probably needs them very much right now. Please, please let her keep them, I beg you.

Someone we know had her dogs fostered . Her marriage broke up and was unable to take the dog to the refuge she went to . She was still able to see the dog and take it for walks . When she was back on her feet and had her own place the dog was returned to her . Maybe this could be an option for your daughter .

Is your house and garden big enough?

Can employ a professional dog behaviourist to observe all the animals and how they might live together? My feeling is depends on the sexes and breeds of all the dogs including yours. The largeness of dogs is not a guide to their behaviour. Is your daughter a practical person who can safely control animals and look after two babies?Feasibility depends largely on your daughter's ability as she will have a lot of work to do keeping the place safe and clean with all her dependants.

I agree fostering the dogs will be the best compromise.

Clearly you feel your daughter's dogs are not a feasible proposition. I

No you are not being unreasonable but you are scared to upset her even more than she is . You must stick to your rules in your own home. Just say No and stick to it, No extra phrases in an attempt to soften the statement. Don’t say you are sorry but bla bla.. Stick to No!
Try not to feel bad about it . This is emotional blackmail and you need to recognise it as such.
It not as if the dogs are dead. Your daughter expects too much of you . You have your own life style which you have willingly abandoned for her and the grandchildren, having the dogs is a step too far.

As someone else rightly said. As long as they live with you the council will not consider them homeless & will not house them. You need to be canny I'm afraid, the system makes it so. You will have to claim the house is being placed on the market so you can downsize, if necessary put it in writing with a date by which you can no longer house her. Sounds awful I know but youre dealing with 'the system' that requires boxes to be ticked.

Not long ago my grandsons were playing at elder boys' friend's house. They have a small dog who has been looked after with no problem by my DD and family whilst owners were away, with no problem.

Whilst the 3 boys were playing in the living room this friendly and well behaved small dog bit younger grandson's cheek , very very close to his eye. The owner was there, but not in the room and I suspect that maybe it got a bit overexcited or one boy may have unwittingly done something to provoke it. To cut the story short, the face has healed and no damage to the eye but it was a very traumatic emergency .
Just about all companies, schools, clubs etc have to do risk assessments these days. If someone did a risk assessment on a household with 2 small and 2 very large dogs, plus cat and 2 very small children, it would very definitely not look good.

Your daughter must grit her teeth, put the safety of her children first , and put her energy into finding the best possible way of re-homing those dogs.

I don't believe she could look after two babies and two large dogs. Just say no or you will end up in tatters taking them for walks with your own, cleaning up after them etc. Stand firm on this.

Is there any way the dogs could have a kennel in your garden (if you have one)? Sure there are people who foster dogs. They usually have costs paid eg food and vets bills. Your DD has to realise what the alternative would be if she doesn't foster out the dogs. To maintain your sanity you have to stand firm about your situation.

I do sympathise with your dilemma but I totally understand your daughters point of view, the poor dogs will loose there security and there family as well.
Where else will they go, hopefully not put up for adoption. Could you not have boundary’s where they are allowed to go ie conservatory, utility room. Hope you find a happy solution for all involved including dogs.

I don’t know about where you live but here our council only allow 2 dogs on any property (I live in Australia) ....regardless I think your daughter should get her priorities in order, you are already giving her and your grandchildren a home and probably helping her out financially, expecting you to take on two large dogs is not fair. Trying to coerce you is also not fair.
If she has no friends who can take them in the short term then she will have to look at finding permanent new homes for them. It is hard, I know but if she is going to eventually stand on her own as a single mother with two small children the chances are that she will be unable to afford to keep them

Well done lets hope the solution works well!(i now see she "works with dogs" so could someone in her working environment have helped temporary with the dogs also?perhaps something to consider if arrangement with hubby breaks down?) Seems a bit though like the couple care for dogs more than babies

So glad you have come to a compromise

Yes im with Hetty58,surely she has a home already? Can she not stay in that if she wants to keep her dogs?(theres help with housing benefit for single parents) Or if they are having to sell the home can she find a smaller accomadation to buy or rent? You really cant cave in on this,tell her straight,you cant cope with all of them with large dogs too,so you might have to find a way to help her get different accommodation.other single mums survive on their own even with young children.and dogs.

She is one exceptionally lucky woman to have a ready made home willing and able to accept her and two children. Dogs as well?...

Oops sorry, just read through the comments again and so glad that a compromise has been reached.
Where is the delete option for comments when you need one ?

I'd certainly seek advice from the Dogs Trust. It's unfair to your own pets to take 2 large dogs in to your house. Also, when your daughter decides it is time to find a place of her own,she will have great difficulty finding a rental home that will accept dogs , doesn't matter how well behaved they are.
From the sounds of it, her ex partner just wants her and anything to do with her out of his life, having been through something similar, I can say that if he can find something to blame her for or hurt her more , he will, including who has their pets. Otherwise there is very little reason, in my view why he can't still take care of the dogs and allow her visitation rights!
Sorry, but you are going to have to be tough with her, however hard it is as it is your home. If no other friends or relatives will take in the dogs, they may well have to be rehomed.

@MyLittleCherubs Oh great news and well done!