I'm so cross

I would LOVE separate rooms but it’s enough of a drama if I go into the other room. Usually because I have the Occasional night where I don’t sleep so relocating means I can read without worrying about disturbing DH. He snores - frequently- praise be for earplugs which I would never sleep without. Perhaps try them then you won’t be bothered by the ffs! ?

As and when coughing/snoring is a nuisance the back bedroom will be used.

Being such a poor sleeper with RLS and it's related insomnia I'm downstairs for several hours as it is.

We don't want to initially go to bed separately.

It was just the ffs that had made me cross and I accept that it was an over reaction on my part as no hurt was intended. It was mentioned and put to rest.

Coughing....its just one of those things that get to people when they are trying to sleep isn't it? Snoring...not so much. An elbow in the ribs or pushing the other person to turn over usually stops it but a constant cough can really drive a person insane in the middle of the night...especially if they are a light sleeper and it goes on and on. You say its likely to be a permanent fixture...if this is the case, why not suggest to your husband that you or he move into the spare room. No point waking eachother up constantly with snoring and coughing. You are both likely to sleep better alone. The kindest person in the world is likely to FFS when they are being kept awake. Don't get upset....just stop it happening again.

We will all be having a little chuckle tonight imagining all the FFSs being uttered at an ungodly hour ?????

Yes you are being too sensitive

Dear Coolgran, excellent result, cool thinking ?

Oops....posted too soon.

Dh had started breakfast and was full of beans. As we passed in the kitchen I said smilingly....... You know you muttered ffs to me last night....His reply was...""No...really ...did I really ....I saw every hour on the clock" "
And we went to the pc to check if his new medication had any side effect of not sleeping. (It didnt)

All.over and done with. He is going to mention his wakefulness at his next diabetic clinic.

We will continue to go to bed together and decamp to the other be on as necessary ??

Thank you all.
My nocturnal wanderings, as dh and I call them, have been going on ever since we've got together. I've had 24/7 severe RLS for about 40 years. At first I tried to stay in bed all night and lie as still as possible. So, it I is quite common that we start the night together and At some stage I end up in the other room.

Last night I eventually went back to bed in the spare bedroom. At 8.45am dh (up and dressed for the day) came in gently woke me as dgc was due at 8am.

We used to squabble bitterly over me having disturbed sleep, I felt quite ill with it all. Husband snores for England but hospital tests ruled out sleep apnoea. He is very overweight though and I was always sliding down the dip he formed in the mattress. He likes a thin duvet, I like a warm one. He'd end up on the sofa. Just incompatible really!
Many years ago I'd had enough and bravely suggested twin beds, to which he agreed like a shot. So we still share a room but each have a 3' bed, pushed together, with our own mattress (firm for him, medium for me) and our own duvet. I still use the Boots wax earplugs and pray they never discontinue them!
We both sleep so much better and wake up happy. Other people thought it most odd but that's not my problem. When we go away we always book a twin room as well, it's just not worth even trying to share a mattress.
Interestingly if I do ever have a restless night now it's usually when the sheets need changing, and I find I sleep better next time with fresh ones on the bed!

Annaram1 it is 'for f* * * sake'

I have ffs’d my DH over his snoring - I don’t really mean anything by it, it’s just quicker than exclaiming “I know it’s not your fault at all but I’m just really tired and feeling ratty and frustrated that you’re keeping me awake” and that’s all it meant.
I’ve taken to
The spare room, I love it, we don’t disturb each other, I can read until late, listen to my audio books when I want to, Often at 3am, it’s great.

We've had separate rooms for ages. It's one of the benefits of children growing up and moving out. If you want to be intimate, do that first then get up and go to your room before sleep. Or in the morning after you've both had a good sleep :D

I find that letting a Rennies Sugar-free dissolve on my tongue stops me coughing. Odd really. Perhaps its the slight peppermint taste.

Put your request in under Site Stuff nannamac.

Please can you put" ffs " on the Acronyms list - or maybe I'm right in thinking they would not be acceptable there?

Make the spare bed tempting by putting an electric over blanket on. They heat up immediately and can stay on all night. 1p per night. Put earplugs or cotton wool in your ears to drown out any noise.

I'm sure it was a half asleep ff and not aimed at you. For the sake of both your sanities, separate rooms. My parents did the same for years and were much happier.

What is ffs?

Dear Summerfly, lots of good suggestions here. Just to say that I’ve certainly mumbled FFS under my breath a few (dozen) times, doesn’t mean I don’t love him!

We have had separate bedrooms for a long time. Still have a loving relationship but we certainly sleep better in different rooms. I’ve got my sewing set up in mine, books on the floor wherever I want them, love having a separate room. Plus a very comfortable double bed, no need to be a martyr!

Liked the idea of the Amazon Echo Device to keep in touch with someone in a room downstairs, although just by raising our voices, we can both be heard all over the house! ?

I too have a lung problem which makes me cough.....my daughter doesn't like sharing a room with me when we go away, so I always take a single room. It's not easy for the other person. I really empathise with you and sympathise with your OH. Separate rooms is the answer.
Btw I'm divorced, due to his affair, but not due to my coughing. I wasn't as bad 10 years ago ?

Sleep deprivation is no joke for both of you and you both sound exhausted. It might be worth getting DH to see GP for a referral to see if he has sleep apnoea, very common with anyone who snores especially if it wakes them up several times a time as they stop breathing!. This can then have an effect on heart, brain and other physical health. Worth talking to him about it.

You are not being oversensitive but I wouldn't pursue it. Just say for all of your sakes you are sleeping in the spare room as your cough is going to be permanent. My husband and I are in separate rooms. I'm a complete fidget and take ages to fall asleep....I also get very hot. I kick out too! Not a safe thing for my husband as he has bone marrow cancer which weakens his bones. I refuse to be deprived of sleep to which I am entitled. I always got up for the children....it's my turn to zzzz now!! He is 73 I'm 71.

Try not to be upset, when we are tired every problem seems insurmountable. If your dgc wears you out you can both snooze on the sofa later. Have a firm understanding as a couple that either one of you may debunk to the spare room for whatever reason and make sure that room is cosy too. But do still attempt to sleep together to retain your intimacy and let dh know this matters to you but if you debunk it is not a big issue, likewise for DH to feel ok to debunk.

I agree. Let it go.
Just decide that you have separate rooms and you'll both get a good nights sleep and life will go on without grudges and grumpiness

Yes, you are being over sensitive. Let it go.