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(17 Posts)
MarieEliza Wed 04-Dec-19 12:22:28

Advice please. Can anyone advise a book that can help my son who is the father of 2 children under 5. They fight constantly and it is putting the parents under tremendous pressure. They live 150 miles away from relatives so their stress is constant. Since the elder child started school the situation has worsened, though he behaves well in the classroom he goes berserk when he returns home, throwing things around and attacking others. Parents have tried talking to him but at the moment they are at their wits end. As an observer I feel that if their mum maybe delayed returning to part time work the kids would maybe be more settled but I honestly don’t know when my son asks, what to advise. He looks truly stressed at the moment

DoraMarr Wed 04-Dec-19 12:50:32

I’m sorry your grandson is behaving like this. Sometimes children find the transition to full- time school difficult. They may be well- behaved at school, but take their frustrations out at home. The first thing is to make sure that he is getting enough sleep. A regular bedtime routine- bath, story, warm drink, will help him settle. Then perhaps one on one time with a parent will reassure him that he is loved, perhaps doing something like playing with construction toys, going to the park, helping prepare the evening meal. It’s hard not to get angry, but try to remain calm. Tell him that it is his behaviour that they do not like, but that they love him, and praise him when he is doing something positive.

Calendargirl Wed 04-Dec-19 12:57:51

Sounds as though the older child is jealous of the younger one still being at home whilst he is at school, so plays up to get attention when he comes home. Also might be why they fight a lot.

GrannyLaine Wed 04-Dec-19 13:09:37

I would highly recommend this one Marie Eliza

Hithere Wed 04-Dec-19 13:21:50

How about asking your son? I am sure he has an idea.

I wouldn't gift them any parenting book, unless your son requests it.
While your intentions are good, it might come accross as unwanted advice or that you do not approve of their parenting and they need your guidance.

MarieEliza Wed 04-Dec-19 14:40:53

Thank you, our son asked for advice. There are 2 books by this author, one with children in title and one with ‘boys’ I may try the latter

Hithere Wed 04-Dec-19 14:51:11

Does your son have time to read the books?

Parents of young kids have to carve time to take care of their own needs (a shower, for example is sometimes hard to schedule in your day), so anything that requires concentration for more than 10 minutes is hard to carry out.

wildswan16 Wed 04-Dec-19 15:28:17

Tiredness (especially after school) is a common cause of "bad" behaviour. Make sure he is getting enough sleep, and that things are kept simple and calm when arriving home from school. Make sure the little one knows that something nice is going to happen when his brother gets home - maybe making a small sandwich for a snack together.

Your son also needs not to be stressed. Children are frequently hard work. It is a part of life. Parents need to stay calm and matter-of-fact about issues. (Not easy to do I know.)

Daddima Wed 04-Dec-19 15:36:21

I don’t think ‘talking to him ‘ will do much good. He has to learn that ‘ good’ behaviour leads to lots of praise ( being specific about what he has done to earn the praise), and that ‘bad’ behaviour is unacceptable, and has consequences.

Calendargirl Wed 04-Dec-19 15:58:13


I would have a shower when the children are in bed, surely that would be the time to schedule it in?

GrannyLaine Wed 04-Dec-19 16:20:52

MarieEliza, the book about raising boys is good but I would urge either you or your son to have a look at the principles outlined in the book I suggested. It looks at getting the behaviour you want from your children in a really calm way. As the children are under 5 this isn't likely to be a gender issue. I understood your post to mean that your son had asked for help

GrannyLaine Wed 04-Dec-19 16:25:00

Hithere, I would ask you...... does the son have time NOT to read books? Addressing behavioural issues at this stage sets clear boundaries and makes life easier for everyone.

Hithere Wed 04-Dec-19 16:28:32

You can address any issues many other ways that are not only by reading books: audio books, talking to a professional/teachers/etc, watching educational videos online....

Smileless2012 Wed 04-Dec-19 16:29:31

Our DS was a very difficult child at home but always well behaved in school and when we were out.

The head of his primary school told us not to worry too much, it's when they are badly behaved in school that you should be concerned.

Not much comfort for your son and d.i.l. but it may give them some reassurance.

There are lots of things they can try for example a star chart that plots his good behaviour and a reward is given when a certain number of stars is reached. Bad behaviour can mean a star is taken off the board but for him (hopefully) seeing that there are still stars on the chart can be an incentive.

Hithere Wed 04-Dec-19 16:33:25


Yes, unless you have Velcro babies with a mommy gpd radar that goes off when she is 20 ft away from baby grin

Not all parents are the same, not all kids are the same either.

Hithere Wed 04-Dec-19 16:34:50

GPS, not gpd

Nansnet Thu 05-Dec-19 08:23:23

When my kids were little, my son used to misbehave terribly at home, but was always well behaved at school, or when at someone else's house, as long as I wasn't present. I'm pretty sure he didn't like the fact that I had to divide my attention between him and his younger sister. He was also very active, and wanted to be doing something all the time, but when you also have a younger child to care for, it's not always easy to give them both the attention they deserve/want/need.

He was happiest when he was kept fully occupied, and loved it when he had time with his daddy, rambling in the local woods, being very interested in nature, and has always been a mind of information since he was little. The more attention he had, doing things that kept him occupied and interested, the better behaved he was. After worrying about his behaviour, and stressing about what he may be like when he reached his teenage years, he actually grew up to be a lovely young man ... you wouldn't think he was the same person!Lol

It's difficult for young parents to find the time, with jobs and homes to run, and other children to take care of, but it reaps rewards the more time you are able to give attention to the kiddies. Not an easy task though these days!