No kissing my baby

So true, GrannyLaine it is impossible to have a " germ free" environment for babies (or anyone else for that matter) and not only is it impossible, but undesirable too!

I think it's pretty easy to navigate the issues and child rearing when the mother of your grandkids is your daughter. They are more likely to have the same outlook as you, given that you've raised them. My own family is fully supportive of my rule and don't question it. Compassion and understanding end when ego gets in the way, @MawB

Yes, my husband gets them maybe once a year. He's never passed it to me.

Naty you have set your case out very clearly and at some length. I think it makes not a jot of difference whether anyone on here thinks you are being unreasonable or not.
Perhaps worth bearing in mind that in no time at all your little one will be crawling around and putting everything into his / her mouth......... just sayin'.

But Starlady for Naty and her DH to be taken seriously as parents and adults, they need to act like adults, not hysterical adolescents, panicking about swapping saliva with a young child causing tooth decay or whatever.
Young parents they may be, but these histrionics (^losing my mind^ ) do not reassure me of their emotional maturity.

N&G ✔️✔️

Bottom line - this is your and DH's baby. If you've said "no kissing baby," then that's the rule and that's that. Whether your ILs believe your reasons or not, they need to follow your rules for your child. It was kind - and reasonable - of you to explain, but you don't need to keep trying to convince them or show them a pamphlet or whatever to prove anything to them. They may be lovely people, overall, but they seem to think they have a vote in how you and DH conduct your lives and now it's spreading to how you parent your baby. If you try too hard to persuade them to agree w/ your rules, you are, unwittingly, reinforcing that idea. They need to see that they have to accept your rules for your child, your home, etc. whether they agree w/ or understand them or not. IMO, that means you and DH need to expect them to follow these rules, regardless, and enforce them if the ILs try to break or get around them. Please be firm - this is not just about kissing the baby, it's about asserting yourselves as the parents and the only ones who get to make decisions for your child.

Do adults really set ‘boundaries’ for each other ? Whatever happened to talking about issues ? Or compromise or - god forbid - common sense !

I think I agree with MawB mutual respect and common sense rule !

Obviously you want your little baby to be safe, and that includes not contracting the cold sore virus.

But I really think you are overreacting, I’ve had cold sores since my teens, sometimes horrible unsightly ones on both lips. But none of my children or grandchildren have developed them, just a bit of sensible caution needed.

Sorry that should read not worth the risk...

Dear Naty - it is your precious baby and it is your choice. I would agree with - it is just worth the risk.

I'm going through a period of boundary setting, though. I know it can't be easy for my husband's family

You can say that again!
Thank goodness my three daughters have adopted a sensible, balanced view of child-rearing and my role as granny to 4 boys and one girl, and we seem to find that mutual respect and common sense obviate the sort of surreal scenarios we seem to get on GN at times.

Yes! That's me! And yes, I was ticked off. Can I not be mad at someone and love them at the same time? We are all flawed individuals.

And yes, I know the difference between HSV1 and HSV2.

And yes, I'm crying wolf because the in-laws are very stubborn and have strange ideas at times (i.e. standing in front of a fan can make you ill/drinking water with ice will give you gastro distress/if your stomach is uncovered you'll get diareah..). My husband told me I could use that story, but it has actually happened to other people's children. I just said it was someone I knew to make the story hit closer to home.

Naty - this is the same “beloved” MIL about whom you have started threads about dropping by unannounced on a daily basis?

We live 400 meters away from them and my MIL is frequently walking by on her way to grocery shop and other errands. She comes right up to the windows and looks in to see if I'm home...it's getting me upset because this can be any time during the day and I'm on mat-leave
You sounded well stressed-out and ticked-off with her in that thread.
As for making up a story about a friend’s child developing meningitis from the herpes virus - talking about crying wolf!
I assume you do know the difference between HSV1 and HSV2?

It could very well be pesky and unsightly once or twice a year...but it could also come back weekly to ravage my daughter's self confidence in her teen and adult years. If I can prevent it, I will.

I don't mind the mild cases, but aside from being not being great aesthetically, it could harm my kid at this phase in her little life.

But yes, I am being a bit obsessive at the moment, because the in-laws are being avoidant and sticking their heads in the sand, making me that much more dogged and determined.

I've googled it, phoenix.

The way I understand it is that the virus is only contagious from when the cold sore weeps or bursts until it heals (so not when it's only just appearing).

Dangerous complications only happen to vulnerable newborns and people who are already ill with compromised immune systems. As most adults have HSV-1, it would seem to be harmless (although irritating) in general.

Sorry Naty cba at present, but if you Google it you will see.

Haha, Hetty! So I CAN be reasonable while being obsessive and hysterical!

There is a very effective remedy to stop cold sores starting and deal with them if they've already erupted.

Tea Tree Oil. Get some for your family and in-laws, it will help them enormously.

Sadly, some people do kiss their own and other children on the mouth and it's not something I would ever allow, simply because of the germ issues.

If you need a weapon in your stand not to kiss on the mouth, get a leaflet about meningitis.

Please correct me, phoenix

My husband suffers (occasionally these days) from cold sores and he was always most particular not to kiss me or our children during an outbreak. I didn't actually realise they were that infectious when we met! He said he would hate to pass the virus on, and hasn't, for which I am thankful.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Posted too soon.

Naty you have your facts muddled, and that is the polite way of putting it!

I think you’re absolutely right Naty. I was very protective of my baby and particularly hated the way people would put their fingers out for her to clutch in her tiny little hand - which she would then put in her mouth. Therefore, as a grandmother I am really really sensitive about this sort of thing. I do feel for you though - it’s hard to get your wishes across without appearing churlish. Good luck.