Redundant mum and nana

AGAA4 I agree with MOnica, there are a lot of middle schools, who would love a mature person to come in weekly and listen to readers. There are also various groups that would love volunteers. It is hard, I will be heading towards the same position as you in about 5/10 ish years, I currently look after my 6 and 9 year old grandchildren in the holidays and I take them to school 3 mornings a week. I also have a 9 month old and 3 year old that I look after now and then. I love it and them, it gives me a sense of purpose.
Unfortunately, I still work 30 hours a week, (I'm 60 and I thought I would be retired by now :-) as a reablement worker with my local council. its a lovely balance, spending time helping olders but also with youngers.
I hope you find strength and courage to continue on lives adventurous path.

AGAA4, I see someone else has suggested this, but if you really want to continue spending time with children, why not volunteer at your local primary school to do reading with children who are struggling? I work part time at a primary school and our volunteers are a Godsend and make a real difference to those child who struggle.

Thanks so much all of you ! You have given me a lot to think about and some very good advice

I remember a time when a single friend of mine told me to look after my own needs and not others...and I thought I don’t know what they are! It’s scary. and then all those people go on their way, as they must, it is a real challenge to drop need to be needed and look elsewhere for satisfaction. You’ll do it, you’ve done well up to now. Now you have a duty to yourself (and others!)to look after yourself. They always say that is why women cope better in the long run, they are so used to nurturing that they know how to nurture themselves. It’s a breeze, big hug. Don’t even look for gratitude that will come when least expected.

Oh voluteer !
My volunteering has grown to about 24 hours a week and it’s my lifeline I do a couple of different things but it gives me a reason to get up and makes me still feel useful
It gives me as much or more than I give it, win win situation
Good luck

Been there and done it.think of yourself.i have a tribe of kids grandkids .im on my own.pushing on 70 and in ill health.and they think i should visit them to see my grandkids? What has gone wrong in this day and age.when i had kids i took them to my parents and inlaws when they were kids?

Just as children grow up and don't need "looking after" in the same way, I think us senior people also need to spread out=r wings a bit as well, so please never feel guilty for taking what is know as "me-time" - how I hate those words - time for you to explore what you would like to do. There are loads of voluntary opportunities out there, not all of them are to do with caring for other people. If you enjoy gardening, volunteer at a local garden. The NT would be glad to have a willing and happy gardening volunteer, especially if you know what you are doing and how to tell a weed from another flower! Or put your admin skills to use somewhere. IF none appeals, enjoy sitting with a c=upp and a book or TV - you do sounds though you have earned it.

Do some voluntary work.
Apply to local schools to become a classroom assistant to help pupils with their reading.

There’s lots you could do.
You obviously need to keep busy.

AGAA4 - you sound a lot like me - I took early retirement to help my daughter when she became a single Mum with three children (not her choice). I too lost my husband 21 years ago and found going back to work full time and helping out with the grandchildren (whilst ex son in law was still part of the scene) filled the time in. A move of house and five years of living with my daughter and grandchildren has made me think about what I actually would have done if I hadn't ended up looking after them on a full time basis once I retired. I currently volunteer for a local Charity and I am also about to join our local WI group as I have a friend who is also a volunteer who goes to the WI and has suggested it might be something I'd enjoy. I am also thinking about doing an Open University degree once my youngest granddaughter goes up to Senior School in September (my job will be just to get them all up and out in the mornings then). Hope you find something you enjoy doing - there are lots of charities looking for helpers, including some where you can help from home if you wish, such as befriending networks that can just involve phoning someone up for a chat on a regular basis - www.befriending.co.uk/about/become-a-befriender/

I always recommend volunteering with the National Trust. You learn a lot and get the chance to talk to all sorts of people including children about the property and other things. You meet like-minded people and make lots of new friends. There are social gatherings, Christmas parties, meet ups etc.
and to top it all you work in beautiful properties. You are not paid but you do get travelling expenses. Give it a go, if you don't like it, just stop.

I am in a similar situation to you. And I volunteer one day a week. I've joint an over 55s group one morning a week. Perhaps you cam look online for some groups near you. Perhaps an exercise class.

How about voluntary work. Xx

Brainstorm! Sit down calmly with a cup of tea and just write down anything and everything - however weird - that comes into your head that you might even maybe like to do!

Walk with llamas - take swimming lessons - re-read childhood books - take a part time job - paint Christmas cards - volunteer to walk an old person's dog.........I'm sure you will soon find plenty of nice things to fill your time! Good luck!

Actually you have started to make things better with this post! There may already be suggestions that speak to you... As they say these days 'change one thing' - have a look in the library - are there any interesting activities going on, or just books that spark curiosity. Or try a course or exercise that suits you. Whatever - be a bit nosey or outgoing - talking to people may lead to some other ideas. Good luck.

I think the isolation and absence of family (most days) almost inevitably leads to feeling anxious and depressed.

Most of us just aren't cut out to spend too much time alone. It helps to find local events/classes/volunteer opportunities and make an effort to go. Just getting out for a long walk every day (if mobility allows) lifts my mood.

AGAA4 my late wife and I did the same looking after grandchildren when needed, and both worked, having lost dear wife 3 years ago and now loving alone still have grandchildren at weekends occasionally, trying to get out or join groups, but those of us with mobility issues makes it harder, or have depression or anxiety issues as I do.

You are now entering the 4th era of your life. There are so many things out there, courses (from scratch, no experience required), volunteering, travel, get a dog, U3a, write a book, go to uni. All that you need to bring is enthusiasm and maybe a little bit of money for some of those things. Good luck

Can you afford to go to evening classes? Surely there is something you would like to do other than look after children?

It seem to me as if you have been so busy all your adult life putting others first that now you really do need to take time to do something you want to.

I too had a hint of sadness when I realised that the GC don’t need me so much now they’re teenagers. However am lucky enough to have a busy life going out with friends, holidays etc what’s nice tho is that my GC also have become my holiday companions ! I took my 2 granddaughters for a long weekend to Paris last year, and they’ve now just asked if we can go to Venice this year. Nice to be able to do grown up things with them. The 3 grandsons don’t like walking too much ? so I hire an Airbnb with a pool to keep them amused when I have them in school holidays.

It sounds to me as though you have spent your life caring for others. I would say that this is now a time to do things for YOU.
Join your local branch of the U3A, for a small fee, go to their monthly meeting and talk, enjoy that and meet lots of others with free time. There will be lots of different interest or learning groups you can join, and enjoy your new-found life.

Know that you will always be a mother and grandmother, even if practically, you don’t do as much. Emotionally, I’m sure you are so important in their lives. I think it’s a case, of researching and finding something that excites you a little. You don’t say how old you are but do you want to learn something new perhaps?Or is volunteering your thing? Do you just want to relax and spend time in yourself....or do you want a mixture of activities? Or maybe you want to try some things out and see what fits. There is no wrong or right. We all live our best lives and they’re all different. Nothing is wrong with yours....it just takes a bit of thought to decide how you want it to be in the coming days.

I am recently retired and I am going to volunteer at local village school. I will be listening to children read. Most primary schools need this sort of volunteer. Give it a go

volunteering always gives me such satisfaction. there is also U3A, university of the third age, which is great for getting out, learning new things. google it to see if there is a group near you.

Have you considered Tai Chi which I believe is calming & good, my aunt did it daily with a group her own age-ish well into her 80s. I understand your feelings, I felt useless then a relative asked me to lend a hand at a school where he worked just one half day a week termtid and I feel so appreciated its really made a difference. They have to do a check on you because children are involved but they pay for it & I did my form online. Don't rush into something for the sake of it is my advice - you will find it. Are there any stately homes near you in need of guides etc. Ever wanted to do pottery, painting etc. Don't think of it as being useless but that the world is now your oyster! Happy hunting.

Join the U3A. No need to feel bored or lonely. You could be doing something all day and everyday at a minimal cost. Learn something new - a language or bridge or even an instrument. Rambles are arranged as are lunches and meetings with speakers. Trips to London , theatre or galleries. The list is endless. I did it and I know how lovely it is.