What can we do to help?

What a lovely post, Absent. A nice start to the day.

I think the first Gransnet meet-up was Scottish and North-east grannies in Glasgow. At that point in my life I was briefly living in Darlington in County Durham, so off I went and it was explosively wonderful. I have remained good friends with all those grannies ever since – and have a warmth and liking for Glasgow which I had never previously visited.

Our last meet-up was the Glad to See the Back of Her lunch before I emigrated. I was deeply touched that so many Gransnet friends shared their time to wish me good luck and remain delighted that we are still in touch although I now live on the other side of the world.

Hetty58, if you go to your Inbox and click the Settings tab, there is a facilty to choose email notifications of a PM.

Hetty58 I get an email every time someone PMs me.

Welbeck If you met someone on a bus who seemed to be exactly your kind of person, and wanted to see them again, what would you do? You would probably say "Why don't we meet for a coffee sometime?" wouldn't you? You wouldn't wait for some third party to arrange a coffee morning and invite you both to it.

In the circumstances you describe, it would not be pushy to send a post saying how much you agreed with that poster, and asking whether they live near you in the ???? area. Explain that if they do, you would love to meet up to chat more, and ask whether the poster could possibly let you know if that could be arranged - by Private Message if they like. Add that you will quite understand if they don't want to do that.

Meetups are not arranged by an official Gransnet Meet-Up Department, they are informal get-togethers initiated and organised by a few people who want to meet face-to-face. Someone has to start the ball rolling. It might as well be you!

I forget to check my inbox, so I'd like there to be a notification if I have new mail.

I too have made a few good friends on GN and have also made some at Meet ups.
However, it just doesn't happen, you need to be proactive and make an effort, no matter how hard you find it.
Initially, I was extremely nervous at being rebuffed, but it paid off!

I have made a very good friend through GN. I knew she lived in my area, and when a catatasrophe struck her, I asked if she would like to meet up for coffee. We met and have now been good friends for several years.

I’d second several suggestions on here:

......The agree or like button, so that those posters who feel ignored know that their post’s been read, would be worth trialling? The downside would be that nobody might agree or like it, of course!

......The badge or colour coding for a set number of posts for newbies, so that the more confrontational posters might cut them some slack. Those who don’t want any allowances made could easily rattle off half a dozen quick posts to get rid of the distinction.

......Giving the GN Cafe more publicity, so that those who need it know where it is and what it’s about.

......Promoting the get togethers better. Some areas seem to have lots of GNers and established meet ups, other attempts to start them can easily pass unnoticed.

That is one of the things you find out by meeting them in person. A thread suggesting meeting in a certain place gets replies from people who live near that place. When you met them you would have found out they were not really in a "tight enclave" keeping you out. They were chatting to one another just as were the strangers you chose to join instead of the Gransnetters. They were waiting for you to appear before they ordered their coffee or lunch, and probably felt quite hurt that you stood them up.

I do hope you contacted one of them to explain that at the last minute you couldn't do it - they are real people, not just anonymous user-names, just as you are.

in a way, I kind of wish I could know the locations, roughly, of people who post on GN. because there are some people who write something that makes me feel a kinship, once even moved me to tears, and those are the ones I wouldn't mind meeting, if poss, if they wanted to.
but I don't want to be pushy and ask what area they are in, and anyway some peeps are not mobile.
im just rambling in these thoughts. not clearly expressed, or formed even..

Grans can be well under 50, so maybe that's another thing to look at.

yes, they told me they tend to be there most mid-mornings.

Will you know that those people will be there again to join, Wellbeck ?

I have tried meet -ups, but didn't fit in,that my just be me.
one I went to, I glanced around and decided I'd rather join a group of complete random strangers rather than the GNers, who seemed to be in a tight enclave. so I mosied up to the table of unknowns who invited me to join them and we all had a v enjoyable discursive conversation re customs, local history, social history etc. it was v enjoyable, and I can still remember all their names, from months ago. may go there again, but far off distance. anyway I wouldnt have had that enjoyable serendipity, if I had not been attempting to go to a GNmeet-up. still makes me smile.
such a lot of assumptions about what who GN is for. on the front page it says aimed at the over 50s, but most assume its for women and grans only.

How can you have cliques on GN? Anyone can contribute to thread at any time, even on threads where half a dozen political fanatics are having a ding dong or smooch conversation, it will be peppered and given interest and flavour by others less politically blinkered.

I am fairly new to gransnet and have only started two threads,I received understanding and sympathy to my first and useful information to my second. To me it feels like having a large group of friends who will help if they can,so I hope new posters will not be put off if they don't get a reply strait away

Is it cliques?
Possibly there are some cliques

Personally, I find I can agree with some posters on some issues and disagree with those same posters on other issues.

I think old adage that you can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time is rather apt in this situation.

Gransnet is an open social media site. There are thousands of members, and more join every day. The competitions alone add new members all the time - only members can enter, and word-of-mouth across the many websites and groups who enjoy entering all competitions means that links to the latest get passed around.

Gransnet members are all kinds of people, who joined for all kinds of reasons.

Some are highly educated, some left school as soon as they could.

Some are keen political debaters, some don't vote.

Some want to change the world, some want to bring back the world they knew as children.

Some are fit and healthy and believe they are immortal,
some have mobility problems and never leave the house.

Some are happily married and do everything together, some have acrimonious splits to look back on and would never live with anyone again.

Some get stuck in at any argument they can find, some lock the door of their minds at the first hint of a disagreement.

Some are bold, some are timid.

The bold argumentative ones and the timid ones have the same problems as each other in stopping the way they react and recalibrating their responses. Should it ONLY be the bolder ones who change? ONLY the passionate ones who damp down their ardour and reply as though they are meek lambs?

Surely both types of personality could take a hard look at themselves and ask whether they are being as difficult to live with as the people they condemn? Live and let live works in both directions, not just the "consider ME first" one.

I think as Marmight said, you really can not nanny new members, you just have to post and see what reaction you get.
You can't see facial expressions so it is quite difficult to understand the tone of some discussions.

Kalu

Should read posts, not threads ??‍♀️

I joined GN on 2011. I have truly lost count how many threads I have killed, been ignored on many occasions after I post a well thought out reply and often feel I am ‘talking to myself’ but it doesn’t bother me. I just pop into a thread when I feel,like it.

Certain posters who have also been on here since the beginning will obviously have a shared history and a different relationship with newer posters. I have never noticed any cliques.

I did notice one new poster complaining she was being ignored, well.......she has ignored my threads but I won’t lose any sleep over it?

I think occasional unpleasant comments are an inevitable part of forum life but I also think that there are far fewer on here than on most other forums I participate with and that ‘management’ seem to be quite efficient in dealing with the worst of it.

Not having a post acknowledged is something I’ve seen mentioned as a disappointment by new posters elsewhere and, while I can understand the ‘ignored’ feeling a lack of response might generate, it’s another fact of forum life that many/most posts won’t get a direct response although they will be read by many posters.

So I don’t think anyone should let either unpleasantness or lack of response put them off becoming an actively posting member. Or a member who just reads and enjoys. Both are equally valid in my view.

The saying ‘Do as you would be done’ by was regularly trotted out by my granny and I think it remains excellent advice as regards posting style.

Marmight
I absolutely agree. Let's suppose you've decided to join a 'real life' club. Would you expect all the members to keep fussing round you, no.
Me, I would take the view that I've joined the club, it's up to me to see how it works, what to say ( or not ?) who do avoid (maybe) If I then decide it's not for me, I leave. It's not for the other members to accommodate my demands or wants.