What can we do to help?

Endlessstrife Do you go around in RL accusing people of being patronising and unkind?
What an apt username you have chosen.

My first post was asking for advice about something on the House and Home Forum. I received several useful answers, and I acknowledged these and gave feedback when the issue was resolved.
New posters might find it helps to feel more integrated if they try the ‘asking for advice’ forums before using the more controversial ones.

I would like to know how to stop people sending me personal messages-I have never asked for them and certainly never open them, and I have no interest in being in the gransnet clique. I just want to post my opinion on topic I am interested in; whether others agree with it or not, I care not.

I'm relatively new, but feel one has to just jump in. Of course there are members that have been around since forever, and have met IRL.

I think also some members have way more time to reply, and get in to 'arguments/heated discussions'; perhaps this is where some newer members feel they cannot get a word in edgewise, so don't bother.

I love Gransnet and enjoy dropping in!

Isn’t it true though that no matter what you join, whether a virtual group or a club or society, a new job, etc., in RL, you’re going to feel “on the outside looking in”.

It’s surely unavoidable, those already there are bound to know each other virtually or face to face.

Newbies like me just have to keep reading and occasionally, slightly nervously, make a contribution.

put people off I meant

janeainsworth, the sentiment of your last sentence is patronising, and the very thing that could people off. I personally don’t care. I don’t know you, and I just move to another thread, but it is unkind.

I have been a member for a few years now. I first joined as I was struggling with a problem. Everyone was kind and helpful. I have tried to help others too. I try to stay off contentious or political threads as they can get a bit heated and I'm not into that. I've never really seen GN as cliquey but lately I've been 'told off ' a couple of times for my posts.

I'm sure most posters and that includes me would not expect to be acknowledged all the time,however a kind word when needed means so much.

I haven't felt a sense of cliquiness as such, but there are forums or threads where I tend to avoid posting on or withdraw from because they can become somewhat heated and unpleasant and if you dare to voice an opinion which differs to the main one, you can be on the receiving end of some, shall we say, vociferous opposition. It's not worth becoming embroiled in these threads as views can be pretty entrenched and you are unlikely to alter someone's opinion. I don't think that is cliquiness though, it's probably more a case of the regular posters who have differing opinions enjoy the "spats" that may arise between each other. I know, I could continue to post on these kind of threads, but really, what's the point? I'd rather spend time on the threads where your opinion is respected, even if it's different to someone else's and then move on to something else. The Politics and Religion forums tend to be places to avoid on the whole, if you don't want to risk being shot down in flames as opinions can become somewhat heated on some of the threads there!

I suppose when you first join, it might seem as if there are cliques because a lot of posters have been posting for a long time and recognise each other and exchange pleasantries and refer to things that a poster has mentioned in the past quite frequently, but the thing is, the longer you post then you, too, become recognised as a regular poster and other posters might mention you in their posts sometimes - though this is not guaranteed. I honestly don't think that that is anything personal and that you are being deliberately ignored, but just the nature of forums that have lots of posters on them, which means not everyone is always going to get a mention by other posters. Also, the more you post, the more comfortable you will feel mentioning other posters yourself.
I'm not sure, therefore, Lara, what can be done, other than keep a look out for anything deliberately nasty which may be aimed unfairly at a poster and report it for you to investigate.

Lara Perhaps a welcome email to new members which alerts them to the fact that not every post gets replied to. It's not a personal snub!

It is disconcerting if you're not used to going on a forum. GN was my first (and only!) foray into the world of Non Real Life and it did seem clique-y at first, but that's just a perception and not the reality!

I think that if old posters recognise a new poster they could acknowledge the new post. It is very off putting to be ignored.

I know there is a welcome thread but not everyone uses it I think everyone should have to introduce themselves before they start posting that way they will get a ‘hello’ back and feel a bit more ‘belonging’ and we older posters will have a much better idea of who is who we all know some fakes, some advertisers etc creep on, whereas if they needed to introduce themselves before posting it ‘might’ deter some of that

If someone thinks there’s a clique and they are not part of it, there’s nothing anyone else can say or do to convince them otherwise, because that’s their perception.

The truth is that some Gransnetters know each other because they’ve met in RL at a meet-up or two. Or they might have exchanged PM’s about something that they don’t want to air on a public forum, nothing wrong with that.

When you know someone it’s inevitable that you’ll ‘talk’ to them on the forum in a less reserved way than you would to someone with a username that you’re not familiar with, just as in RL you would be more careful about how you talk to someone you’ve only just met, than someone you’ve known for 30 years.

So it will be apparent to other Gransnetters on the thread, that Gransnetters A and Gransnetter B address each other in a familiar way.

Some people will just think “A and B obviously know each other.”

Other people will think “Ooh A and B are in a clique and I’m not in it.”

I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about these sensitive souls Lara so stop worrying about it!

I’ve definitely felt cliquiness. I suppose it can’t really be helped, as some people have been on here years, and virtually “ know” each other very well. I can’t really see how you could change it. Maybe a thread which you can only participate in if you’ve been here less than 6months! I still really enjoy it, especially if I’ve helped someone.

Thanks for the wine! Cheers!

I can remember, when the world was in black and white and I first joined, that I thought gn was cliquey but it was really that the people who were here before me knew each other from posting. And there were far fewer posters then. Greatnan gave me a talking to about it and it all made sense.

So, not sure what can be done except for new people just to keep ploughing on and for us to be welcoming.

New posters shouldn't expect their posts to always be acknowledged - I get ignored most of the time!