DIL disappearrs to her parents all the time

With a child that young it can make sense to not work.
The funded hours dont cover actual work hours, you have to pay to wrap around...

And if she doesnt want to be dropping off her 2YO at 7am and collecting them at 6 every day thats an entirely reasonable decision.

Which are the sort of hours she would be looking at if she was expecting to be paid enough to have a "profit" after childcare

Maybe she needs the support system and believes it takes a village to raise a child? Would your son consider moving closer to her folks? He must have known she was close to her family when he married her so it would be unreasobable to expect her to live in a "couple bubble"

It's between them to work it out for themselves. Childcare is expensive so they may be no better off financially if she did work. Also they may not want others caring for their child.

I used to regularly take off with my C to visit my Mum or Dad for a few days. Just made sure that I was up to date at work, animals sorted and off we went.

It was lovely for all of us, and I think Mr.Gravy enjoyed the peace and quiet.

What does your son say? Perhaps he is OK with this arrangement and is happy for her to see her Mum once a month (does she live a distance away?). If it’s not a problem with them then I wouldn’t be worried. Another thought is that she has post natal depression and her Mum is trying to help by having her over and giving her some company during the day. Or she’s just not happy for some reason? Does your son say it’s putting a strain on their marriage, or is that your own interpretation of things?

Is your son complaining about this or is it just that you think it is causing problems?

Shes obviously going through something, is she ok? Do her parents live far?
Does her husband work long hours? Is it a happy marriage? Is she lonely? Exhausted?