Thank you for all the comments.
My once prospective DIL & I do / did / could , get on well ( she wants no contact with S or any of us now she has the pregnancy) . I’m a retired RGN , Plus Psych Nurse, Midwife & Health Visitor so very aware that ‘acknowledgement ’ , being on the Birth Certificate etc saves a lot of unnecessary Court intervention. GF is a well supported self employed 26yr old with 8yr old daughter we now find , similarly conceived , engaged , planned conception etc & father cut off afterwards. Her mother is a Police Inspector & used a Restraining order on previous ‘father’ who also wanted full practical involvement & financial input. Crux of it is - 1) supporting 31yr old son on anti depressants , & remaining open, positive & neutral whilst 2) my personal fear of there being a DGC I shall be driving past on my ‘elderly visits’ whom I’ll not know ,be able to love or any support to his/ her Mum. ( I have a super GParent relationship with my daughter’s two children). It’s where to ‘place ‘ these emotions isn’t it? More ‘busy ‘displacement ‘ I expect. Women’s capacity- underrated!