Son seperated and I feel betrayed

Having developed a gambling addiction after my husband died I can sympathise to some extent with your son. I am gradually paying back what I owe but am still £15000 in debt. It is not easy to kick an addiction.
You have done a wonderful job in helping your son and I am sorry you are feeling used. I hope all works out well for you this year and that you get to see your little grandson more often.

It can be very hard being a grandmum,, we are all different, have different issues,, so I can only pray for you andyours.

You say you gave "without conditions" so you must put the giving away and not factor it into the situation.There has been a marriage breakdown ,your GS is at the centre of it and he must be the main consideration.For now he needs to get accustomed to the new situation he's in.That often appears to be better than it is from a distance .Give the wee family time to adjust ,its hard but I've been there with both my children having breakups and the children took a lot longer than a year to come to terms with it,in fact 10 years down the line one GD is still having issues about her Dad who she adores leaving them .I hope it works out well for you all time is the key .

Thank you to for your thought provoking comments. I have found all the feedback really useful and it has helped me focus on what is important. Hopefully as time passes things will improve further and the adult relationships will become less fraught and eventually stabilise. In response to the first lady who mentioned child maintenance. My son is actually paying more child maintenance than he is legally obliged to. Luckily he has continued to work and since leaving the relationship has not gambled.

A year is not very long and problems like your son's can take a long time to play out. Quick results, do not necessarily mean instant bounce back and gratitude.

Your son has done really well to be able to kick his addiction so quickly and manage to negotiate reasonable access to his son, but that doesn't mean that the problem is worked through and gone. It may be several years before your son has completely processed the depths to which he sunk and his climb out of it.

And believe it or not, try and believe it, gratitude can be an immense burden for the recipient to process. To have to accept that in adulthood, a married man with a child, he so messed it up that he became a child again dependent on his mother to get himself out of trouble can be an immense burden of shame on his shoulders.

It is nice to think, that he has bounced back after a year of problems and will immediately be full of gratitude for all you did, but he has huge scars on his psyche and they are still red, raw and bleeding. Open appreciation of all you did for him is still someway down the line. Be compassionate and patient with him.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mmm, tricky, if your son has addiction issues and you have rescued. Perhaps you have inadvertently set up something.

I hope that has things settle down a situation naturally arises where you get some more time with your grandson. He will be at an age soon where he can tell mum and dad who he wants to see. I say this as a mum who has been mithered to death to arrange a sleepover for my dd with my mil.

Best of luck.

Sorry, I hit post too soon.

I hope that if your son gets more access he will have more time to see your grandchild

I’m sorry that you were in the situation. It sounds incredibly difficult.

I hope in time that your son will find a way to get more access to his own child

Thank you for your prompt replies. You are right when you say that my grandson is the priority and he has eventually adapted to the new arrangement after some initial trauma. I do sometimes have the opportunity to see him when my son has him and I do enjoy and appreciate my time with him.
I think I was venting because I have given so much emotionally and financially to my son this year without conditions attached that I am starting to feel used by him. You have reminded me that what's important is that my grandson is happy and is not pulled in too many different directions at this difficult time. Thank you for reading my rather long winded message and your supportive comments.

I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through and can understand why you’re upset.

I would only note that if your grandson is living with mum, having childcare by gran and having visits with dad, I can see how also having specific visits with you also would just be too much for the little boy. I think at this time as hard as it may be ( and unfair considering the set up with mgm) you having 1:1. With him just isn’t a priority.

Can you see your grandson when he sees his dad and maintain the relationship that way? The fact that it isn’t 1:1 doesn’t need to impact on your bond with him.

I would worry this little one is being pulled in a lot of directions by everyone concerned about their rights in all of this when really, it’s about whatever helps him feel secure. 1:1 time as opposed to seeing you with his dad won’t assist this, it could hinder it at this time. Unfortunately due to your sons actions he cannot be the decision maker on this, it’s his mum.

You have my sympathy and it sounds as though you have been used to an extent to get everyone back on track.

May i ask how long is your son sober?

Your son did not do the right thing on asking you to talk to his ex so you could see your gc.
He is the father and he deals with that.
Right now, you can still see your gc while gc is in your son's custody time?
Could he also facilitate playdates or a relationship with his extended family (cousins, etc)?

Does your son pay child support as the law calculates or another amount?

Your son has committed the sin of financial infidelity and that his devastating.

I can only imagine that it was difficult for your son to negotiate his time with his child, so doubt it was an oversight but rather a priority for him and his ex to work out their co-parenting schedule -

I understand how and why you feel the way you do but wouldn't press- When you gave, you gave with a whole heart, not with expectations -